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Category: Insights
Bago pa matapos ang May, ike-kwento ko muna ‘to. Nalaman ko somewhere na ang buwan ng Mayo ay ‘Masturbation Month’. Meron palang ganun. Sabi ko kay Kenneth, “Ang May pala ay Masturbation Month.” Nagulat na natawa lang sya, pero na-feel kong medyo na-awkward.
Napatigil ako sa book reporting ko ng ‘Recapture the Rapture’ nung nabasa ko ulit yung isang hinighlight ko.
I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve (or save) the world and a desire to enjoy (or savor) the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”
E. B. White, author of the children’s classic Charlotte’s Web
May pinapanood ako at bigla kong naalala yung time na na-stranded ako sa Incheon Airport. Konting konti na lang nasa Pilipinas na ko tapos nagkaproblema pa grrr. Pinipigilan ko yung emotions ko that time pero nung kausap ko na ang Mama, wala umiyak na ko. Ang layo na kasi ng nilakbay ko (18 hrs!) tapos papabalikin lang ako?! Pero yung best part, wala akong ibang narinig sa Mama kundi, “Makakauwi ka.” Kahit 99% sure akong hindi na ko makakauwi, ang sarap pa rin pakinggan nung konting hope na baka nga makauwi ako. As a recovering pessimistic, kelangan ko talaga ng mga positive people sa buhay ko. At bilang ganti, kelangan ko rin mas maging positive para sa ibang tao.
I realized that I may have gone overboard with my journaling. Suddenly, I wanted to capture all my thoughts, every single one of them—but I have too many thoughts which makes documenting everything unrealistic. After that uneasy realization, I try to remember what makes journaling therapeutic for me. Journaling empties my mind and relaxes me, leaving me refreshed and unburdened. I think what’s important for me to remember is that journaling is a tool and not a chore. I have to be at peace with the fact that it’s impossible to capture and document everything, that it’s okay to forget things here and there. Except this one. This is quite important. I should also learn to trust my self that when it comes to truly and absolutely important things, I won’t forget.
Categories
2023 Game Plan
THEME:
Sink into the Present
I chose this kasi eto yung overarching theme ng mga paboritong non-fiction books na nabasa ko last year. Eto ang sagot sa overthinking, sa anxiety, sa pag-eenjoy, sa pag-create ng good relationships. When I’m truly present, I only focus sa kung anong nangyayari right in front of me, right at this moment. I’m forced to get rid of the past (where it’s nice to revisit sometimes until you get stuck) and the future (where everything is uncertain, pressuring the brain to do a lot of guesswork which leads to overthinking and anxiety). So instead, I will do my best to let the present be my default mode and only pay brief visits to the past and future when needed.
Eto ang mga sinabi kong susubukan kong gawin nung 2022. Bago ako gumawa ng 2023 game plan, ire-review ko muna:
PHYSICAL & MENTAL HEALTH
Goal #1: Make healthy food choices
Outcome: Needs improvement
Nagkakaron ako ng phase na healthy for a few weeks tapos babalik nanaman sa food deliveries. Pero super nag-eenjoy na ko sa mga vegan meals. Minsan pipiliin ko yung vegan option pero hindi ko nafi-feel na may kulang. Kasi may mga vegan/vegetarian meals na masarap naman talaga.
It really is true. Na kahit anong gawin mo, kahit gano ka-harmless or ka-buti sa tingin mo ang isang bagay, may masasabi at masasabi talaga ang mga tao. Nag-stick talaga yun sa isip ko nung sinabi yun nung kaibigan ko (thank you Aryan!) Basta that time namo-mroblema ako sa ipapasalubong ko paguwi ko ng Pinas.
Imbis na i-rationalize ko sa utak ko na hindi dapat ako malungkot at mabahala, na hindi ko kailangan ma-please (at imposibleng ma-please) ang buong miyembro ng pamilya ko, na mas madaming tao ang mas malaki ang problema sakin, na magiging okay din ang lahat, iniyak ko na lang. Tinanggap ko na lang na malungkot talaga ko ngayon at gusto kong umiyak.
Bakit ba nilalabanan ko na lang palagi? Bakit ba ko nakikipag-debate sa utak ko at dinidikta ang dapat kong maramdaman? Bakit hindi ako maglaan ng oras ng pag-iyak? Pwede namang malungkot paminsan-minsan. Wala namang nakakakita. Kahit pati meron. Eh ano kung ma-bother ko sila? Minsan lang naman.
Eh ano kung mangibabaw ang lungkot? Eh ano naman kung sa mga sandaling ito, hindi ko kayang bilangin kung anong meron ako at na madami akong dapat ipagpasalamat? Eh ano naman kung pagbigyan ko ang sarili kong umiyak ng ilang minuto at magmistulang ang laki laki ng problema ko? Eh ano naman?
Just finished I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy and now I’m watching her interviews and crying. I’m glad I got to watch this video which led me to read this heartbreaking, emotional, sometimes humorous book. I do not relate to her past experiences with her mom in any way (the abuse, manipulation, the exploitation) but I could imagine how it must have been. It’s very insightful and teaches you to show more compassion. I also couldn’t stop reading because her writing is so compelling. Love this book!🤍
Gleniz da Menace 