Ang dalang ko na magsulat dito. Nagsusulat pa rin ako araw-araw pero dun sa analog journal and app ko na lang sa phone. Pero naisip kong i-recap ang mga kaganapan kasi parang ang bilis ng mga nangyayari.
Category: Career
Napatigil ako sa book reporting ko ng ‘Recapture the Rapture’ nung nabasa ko ulit yung isang hinighlight ko.
I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve (or save) the world and a desire to enjoy (or savor) the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”
E. B. White, author of the children’s classic Charlotte’s Web
After kong i-enumerate kahapon ang mga happy things na nangyari the past few weeks, may ikikwento akong sad thing. Hindi ako na-hire dun sa isa kong in-applyan. Matanda na ko para magmukmok pero may percentage pa rin hanggang ngayon na nasasaktan ako. Mga 5% na lang naman. Tapos di ko alam kung yung 5% ba na yun ay kalungkutan ba talaga dahil hindi ako natanggap? O disbelief na, “Bakit hindi ako natanggap?” Is it pure sadness or is it my ego? Either way, okay lang yun. It’s normal to feel these feelings.
Sa buong proseso ng paghahanap ng trabaho, interview talaga ang pinaka pinaka hate ko. Alam kong kaya ko yung trabaho pero ang hirap patunayan through interview. Hays. Pero ang alam ko lang ngayon, kung magkakaron man ako ng isa pang interview, mas makakasagot na ko ng maayos. Baka mas less na yung dugdug sa dibdib ko dahil parang nagkaron ako ng practice sessions from my previous interviews. Kaya go lang. Try ulit.
Meron pa kong dalwang pending applications na hindi pa alam ang result. So sana naman kahit isa dun makuha ko. Kasi kahit mas prepared na ko, ayokong ma-interview nanaman! Sobrang nakaka-stress. I-hire nyo na lang ako please!
Categories
Best Interview Experience
Finally tapos na ang mga interviews ko! Makaka-relax na ko ng maigi. Naka-tatlong interviews ako the past two weeks tapos may online assessments pa. Hays sana naman matanggap ako. Kahit isa lang dun sa in-applyan ko okay na. Mas okay sana yung isa kasi parang 6 months lang sya tapos pag di na ulit sila busy, end of contract na. Parang di pa ko ready maging regular employee. Tsaka kung matapos yung 6-month contract ko, may mari-receive pa rin ako na financial assistance from the government kasi hindi naman ako nag-resign, tinanggal nila ko. So that’s the plan.
A few days ago, sobrang discouraged ako kasi wala ako masyadong sales sa sticker shop ko. Kung meron akong one thing na gustong mangyari sa future, yun ay maging successful ang sticker shop business ko. But apparently, it’s not happening. So yun, malungkot, ang daming doubts.
Nakasalang na ang maduduming pinagkainan sa dishwasher at ang maduduming damit sa washing machine. Kumain na rin ako. Kaya ngayon.. Hello!
Madami akong personal struggles sa pagiging freelancer ko kaya pakiramdam ko nakatulong yung libro ni Celeste Headlee na Do Nothing. Yung naiisip ko noon na advantages ng pagiging freelance, parang naging problema ngayon.
Gusto kong maging successful na:
Categories
Today’s Log 7 | LF: Artist Friend
Bigla kong naisip na gawin ulit ‘to pero late na ko nakapagsimula.
5:18 PM
Nasimulan ko na yung step #1 sa “The Steps”. And true enough, mas lalo ko ngang na-appreciate ang animation. Sobrang daming moving parts para makapag-produce ng isang animated film. From an outsider’s point of view, akala ko basta may magddrawing lang tapos i-a-animate nila yung drawings. Yun pala merong in charge sa pag-design ng characters, props and background. Tapos merong gagawa ng 3D models nung characters and all tapos may tinatawag na sculptors. Meron ding term na “rigging” na lagi kong nadidinig pero wala akong idea kung ano. After non merong in charge sa surface or texture nung characters, may in charge sa visual effects, lighting, sound, etc. Basta ang dami pa!!!
So after ko panoorin yung video na yun, mas trip ko talaga yung visual development department especially yung sa background design. Pwede ko rin siguro pagaralan yung sa characters and props. Pero isa pang interested ako eh yung matte painting. Sana talaga mapili ako as mentee dun sa WIA Mentorship Program! Yung visual/character effects mukang okay din.
May mga iba pa kong pinanood after. Super favorite ko yung movie na Inside Out so nakakatuwa na makita yung behind the scenes.
6:22 PM
Tumawag yung kapatid ko. Si Tricia, yung bunso namin. Nagusap lang kami about exercise bikes at yung dysmenorrhea nya. Sabi ko magpa-ultrasound na sya. Nakausap ko rin ng very light ang Mama at Papa. Minanok na baka ang ulam nila. Kakamiss sila. COVID matapos ka na!!!
7:11 PM
Watching an animation online course and I’m learning about this “squash and stretch” thing. The kitties are being distracting though.
7:23 PM
Watched another YT video about different animation softwares.
7:30 PM
I might try to learn how to use Blender. Magcheck out pa ko ng ibang videos about it.
For now, magbabasa muna ako ng The Midnight Library. Popular sya sa book community so na-curious ako. Yung genre nya ay fantasy. Medyo wala akong idea kung tungkol saan so excited akong simulan.
8:11 PM
Finished reading. Kumakain na ko ng dinner. Pero instead of reading The Midnight Library, I continued reading Norwegian Wood. Nafeel ko lang. Tapos habang binabasa ko yung Norwegian Wood, may naisip akong concept for a movie. Tapos parang magandang Pixar ang mag-produce. Hahaha. Nag-iimagine ako ng mga scenes sa utak ko habang kumakain ng tocino at dinuguan.
8:55 PM
Duolingo time after eating.
In fairness madami na kaming vocab na alam at nakakapag-construct na din kami ng sentences. Je suis content! 😂
Maglalaro muna ako ng Cozy Grove tapos siguro papanoorin namin yung new episode ng Vincenzo. Sana makapagbasa ako uli mamaya.
10:10 PM
Ngayon pa lang ako maglalaro ng Cozy Grove kasi humanash pa ko kay Kenneth. Kinekwento ko sa kanya na gusto kong magkaron ng friend na nakakarelate sa ginagawa ko ngayon. Gusto kong magkaron ng isang person na kachikahan ko about the world of illustration tapos masusubaybayan namin yung journey ng isa’t isa. Kaso nga sa ganitong age, ang hirap. And mas lalo syang pinahirap ng COVID.
Medyo tanggap ko nanaman kaso nakakamiss lang na magkaron ng work friend tapos same kayo ng struggles and makakarelate kayo sa achievements ng isa’t isa. Mas masaya sana kung may ganun.
So unti-unti nang nagkakaron ng linaw ang gusto kong mangyari sa career ko. Ngayon, gusto kong mag-focus sa animation. Admittedly, kaya ako nagka-interes sa kanya kasi nakita ko lang sa iba and of course, ang cool makapag-trabaho sa isang studio na gumagawa ng mga animated films. Yun talaga yung unang motivation. Feeling ko hindi naman ako nagiisa.
Pero ngayon gusto kong mag-go deeper than that. Siguro kaya ako nalo-lost kasi naka-focus ako masyado dun sa glorious feeling pag nakapasok ako sa isang studio. Yun agad yung naiisip ko eh wala pa nga akong napapatunayan. Tsaka hindi sya magandang basis in the long run. Kelangan ko muna syang gustuhin talaga for what it is. Good and bad. Kasi for sure stressful yung trabaho and sobrang competitive.
So ngayon nakakaisip na ko ng mga concrete first steps plus yung ideal mindset ko going forward with it:
- Watch behind the scenes kung anong nangyayari sa isang animation studio (understand the different pipelines, the workflow and really appreciate what they’re trying to create)
- After understanding the different pipelines, choose 1 or 2 areas of focus. You have to choose kahit mukang cool lahat! Saka ka na magbranch out pag na-master mo na yung iba
- Find online resources to learn your chosen areas and apply “deep work” (currently reading Cal Newport’s book Deep Work). Be thankful that you have the privilege to do this in the first place. Don’t waste time.
- While doing all this, keep in mind that the primary reason why you’re doing this is because you’re a creative person and that you’re curious. That’s it and that’s true. Stop distracting your mind. Just do your thing and do good work (reread the book Big Magic to be reminded of this)
- Share your best work and don’t think too much about how people will receive it. Remember that you’re primarily doing this for your own pleasure’s sake. If something good comes out of it, that’s just a bonus.
- Lastly, prioritize your physical and mental well-being. Because you can’t do all these if you’re frail and don’t know how to cope with stresses of life.
Let’s see what happens!
Ang daming exciting na nangyayari sa art community ngayong April. Nakakatuwa kasi nagkakaron ng konting structure yung araw ko kasi medyo nagiging busy na. Although mahina pa rin ang pumapasok na cha-ching, at least mas productive na ko ngayon. Since ang original plan naman talaga eh nasa school ako dapat ngayon, kung tumuloy ako wala naman talaga kong income sa mga panahon na ‘to. So yun na lang ang iniisip ko para hindi ako ma-pressure na dapat meron akong steady flow of income. Iniisip ko na lang pumapasok ako pero ako yung gumagawa ng sarili kong curriculum.
Speaking of the ganaps, unahin ko siguro yung Digital Art Bootcamp ni @rossdraws. Medyo parang art school yung style kasi meron syang ginawang syllabus. Halos sakop nya lahat except wala akong nakita na ang focus is perspective. Bulok ko pa naman dun pero oks lang.
Today marks my 1st work anniversary!🥳
I thought being a full-time artist was all painting and fun and endless flow of creativity—but it’s not. Well yes, it’s sometimes that—but it’s also discipline when you’re not in the mood to create, not getting discouraged even when your relatives have no clue what you’re doing and why you chose to do this, consistency, self-compassion when you feel you’re not good enough and (the most hassle) filing your self-employment tax. But I know all that now and I accept all the complexities that go with it. It’s not at all easy and I’m trying to be patient.
Thank you to everyone who showed their support (whether through DMs or likes or actually hiring me for projects) especially to my husband who really believes that I can achieve whatever it is I want to achieve. It’s just my first year and I’m still trying to figure things out while continuously learning and improving. I gave up my full-time job and a formal art education believing that I can do this all on my own. And I still believe that. Maybe that’s the most important thing of all—believing that you can do it.
Sabi nga ni Emma Stone:
I’m a person who relies very heavily on intuition and feeling out the situation. So I’ve never really made a five-year plan or anything like that. If it’s right, it will fall into place and if not, I understand.
I’m following my own timeline.
AND I!! THANK YOU!!!
Few days ago, nag-reply sakin yung art agent for children’s book illustrators kasi nag-submit ako ng portfolio ko. Although hindi successful, sobrang natuwa ako sa feedback nya kasi sobrang detailed. Super agree ako sa sinabi nya na feeling daw nya nag-eexplore pa ko ng style ko. Na hindi pa ganun ka-cohesive yung portfolio ko. Sobrang saya ko talaga nun. Pinuri nya din yung mga illustrations ko. Sobrang nagpasalamat talaga ko. Sabi nya:
I love your palette and many of your pieces – the image of the animals in a haystack, the old man sitting in a takeaway, and this image of a tree I saw on your instagram stood out. Also, your hand-lettering is wonderful, and that’s a skill which can come in handy especially for jacket illustrations. However, I get a sense that you are still exploring and haven’t yet found your personal style.
I stumbled upon my 2017 Highlights post and medyo nalungkot ako kasi hindi ako nakagawa ng 2018 and 2019 highlights. So ngayong 2020, kahit masalimuot ang mga pangyayari sa buong mundo, gusto kong i-highlight din naman yung mga magagandang pangyayari.
- Nagsimula ang 2020 na fairly masaya. Mejo sad kasi hindi ko nanaman nakasama ang family ko nung holidays, pero masaya din kasi nag-book ako ng ticket pauwi. Kaya nung Feb, I’m back to Pinas! Yehu! Thank you talaga sa Papa sa pag-sponsor ng kalahati ng ticket ko. Siguro eto talaga yung pinaka-highlight ng 2020 ko. At sobrang timely pa kasi ito yung time before i-announce yung pandemic. So nakauwi at nakabalik ako ng maayos. At dahil walang kasiguraduhan kung kelan ako makakauwi ulit kasi magulo pa rin, at least nakauwi na ko kahit mabilis lang. Read my whole back to Pinas experience here.
- Kaya din gusto nila akong makauwi kasi retirement ng Papa. At age 55, nag-retire na ang Papa. So may pa-party tapos may mga awarding kaya gusto ng Mama’t Papa na kumpleto kami. Since nag-retire ang Papa, ang pinagkakaabalahan nya ngayon ay yung pinaparentahan nila na apartment at Shopee and Lazada online shopping 😅
- Bukod sa nakasama ko uli ang family at mga kaibigan at former officemates ko, nakita ko ulit si Almond! Huhu ang laki na ni Almond. At ang sweet pa din nya. Hays excited na uli akong makita sya.
- Nung umuwi din ako nagkaron ng opportunity na magbati kami ni Xali. Siguro 6 months kaming hindi nag-usap pero salamat sa efforts ni Nick, naging okay din kami ulit. The F Buddies are reunited again 😂
- Dahil sa layovers, nakabalik akong Japan at Korea pero sa airport lang. Haha counted ba yun.
- We moved to a new and improved apartment! Eto ulit yung isa sa mga top highlights. Alamin kung bakit dito.
- I resigned! Finally may freedom na kong i-pursue ang art ko. And the ‘Most Supportive Husband’ award goes to Kenneth. Sobrang salamat talaga kay Kenneth kasi hindi ko naman ‘to magagawa kung hindi sya sobrang supportive. Super thank you talaga. I love you so much.
- Balak ko talaga mag-aral after ko mag-resign. Kaya nag-apply ako sa Digital Media Design program at natanggap ako! Sobrang in-anticipate ko yung araw na ma-receive ko yung e-mail na tanggap ako. Kasi nga dito, hindi ganun kadali makapasok sa gusto mong program (or course kung tawagin satin). Pero hindi ako tumuloy. Pero confidence booster pa din yung natanggap ako. I felt validated.
- Natupad ang wish ko simula nung bata pa ko. Nagkaron na ko ng sarili kong piano!
- Naka-1 year ang podcast namin ni Nick. Akalain mo yun umabot ng more than a year ang F Buddies podcast. But it came to an end nung September ata kasi nga naging clout chaser si Nick. Hahaha! Joke lang (pero half meant 😆).
- Speaking of anniversaries, naka-1 year na din ang Pod Sibs Book Club. At sana magtuloy-tuloy pa sa coming years.
- And in line with the above bullet point, I read 25 books this year! A personal record. Wow sobrang amazed talaga ko na nakabasa ko ng ganito kadami. To more interesting reads next year!
- We made new friends! Nung medyo maluwag pa ang protocols, madalas kami mag-hangout with our neighbors na couple din, si Trix and Kris. At dahil nga magkapitbahay lang kami, madalas kami nakakanood ng movies or maglaro dun sa Switch or mag-bake. Kaso sad kasi before Christmas, nag-red zone dito sa Manitoba and bawal na tumanggap ng bisita. Bawi na lang kami next year.
- At dahil mas adventurous si neighbor couple, for the first time, nakapunta kaming beach dito. Two years na kami dito sa Winnipeg pero di namin naisip mag-beach. Siguro nga kasi alam namin na hindi ganun kaganda compared satin sa Pinas. Pero na-enjoy pa din naman namin. Sabi nga, make the most of where you are.
- I became a part of the Linya-Linya creatives team as a Linya-Linya intern sensation! Saya nung experience kahit 1 month lang and na-challenge ako ulit kasi may mga deadlines, kelangan mong magproduce at mag-present ng madaming drawing, etc. Back to work yung feeling kumbaga after months of being a freelancer na hindi masyadong busy. Pero masaya kasi ang saya nung team. Pero dun ko din na-realize na kahit gano kabait nung team, lone wolf talaga ko. Gusto ko talaga hawak ko yung oras ko. Yung pwede akong tamarin pag tamad ako. Pag wala ako sa mood mag-drawing at feel kong mag-cross stitch halimbawa, magagawa ko. Pero super happy pa din na na-meet ko sila 😊
- Kakaunti man, super saya ko pag nakakatanggap ako ng freelance work. Kaya thank you sa mga kaibigan kong suki na binigyan ako ng extra income this 2020 lalo na at resigned na ko.
- This is the year for games. Kasi for the first time in a long while, naadik ulit ako sa isang mobile game. Dati Clash of Clans pero sobrang ilang years ago na yun. This year naman Coin Master. Haha. Tapos eto din yung year na bumili kami ng Nintendo Switch. Pero mukang wala talaga kong potential maging gamer kasi sa una ko lang inaraw-araw yung Switch. Tapos after a few weeks waley na. Pero hindi naman nasayang kasi bumili din kami ng fitness game at yun yung madalas namin “nilalaro”.
- At since mahilig ako sa gadgets, ang mga bago kong gadgets ay yung Wacom Cintiq 16, Google Nest Mini (free from Spotify), robo vacuum, Airpods Pro, plus yung na-mention ko kanina na piano nga at Switch, at yung latest na hindi pa dumadating, iPhone 12 Mini. Tagal kong inaantay na sana magkaron ulit ng maliit na iPhone. XS yung gamit ko ngayon pero nabibigatan pa din ako at nalalakihan sa screen. Ang wish ko siguro in the future, not necessarily for 2021, ay iPad Pro at MacBook Pro with the new Apple chip. Yun lang naman sana 🤣
- Eto din pala yung year na ni-launch ko ang http://www.glenicediaz.com
- Naka-attend ako ng LighBox Expo kahit online lang. Sana next year maka-attend ako in person with someone na mahilig din sa art.
- I discovered meal kits.
- I became a digital minimalist and a stoic. Well at least trying to be. Sobrang beginner ko pa pero I’m trying to improve everyday. Pero naisip ko may advantage din pala ang pagiging serial story sharer ko sa IG. Kasi ngayon, yun yung reference ko sa paggawa ng blog post na ‘to.
- I discovered a new hobby. Macrame. Kala ko na-max ko na ang limit sa hobbies na magiging interesado ako pero hindi. Ang dami pang interesting na pwedeng gawin. Tsaka yun nga, bakit ko naman ili-limit ang sarili ko.
- I made 450+ sales sa aking Etsy shop. Nag-increase yung orders lalo na nung December. At ngayon, may orders na din dun sa new hobby ko. Kaya mamaya yun ang gagawin ko.
Paalam 2020!
I’m not the biggest fan but I watched the BLACKPINK docu because it seemed really interesting. The question that came to mind after watching it was, “What is your goal and how badly do you want it?” It made me realize that I am doing very little to reach my goal and made me question myself. How badly do I want it? The docu is good btw.
So how badly do I want to be a great artist? Not as much? Is that why I’m not doing the best I can? Is it because I don’t really want it that bad? Is that fine? Am I lacking passion? Is it okay to not be so passionate about something? Is it because we can get by even if I’m unemployed? So is that the reason why I don’t put much effort because nothing is at stake? That is possible.
I enjoy doing art, sure. But when I feel pressured because I’m not as good as the artists that I look up to, it’s not so fun anymore. Maybe I’m just not the type of person who works well under pressure. But sometimes, without that pressure, I tend to relax too much. Which isn’t good also. So the answer is? BALANCE.
Gusto ko talaga yung mga ganitong moments na tanong ko sagot ko. Galing ko talaga mag-advice. Sana naman i-follow ko.
Gleniz Da Menace 