Gleniz da MenaceAfter 4 months, I updated my now page. I’m thinking of converting this to a newsletter (kung free magka-newsletter). Ngayon kasi, natanggap ko na na may nagbabasa pala talaga ng blog ko. Di kasi ako makapaniwala nung una. Eh pag newsletters kasi may option to reply via e-mail yung reader. La lang parang mas masaya lang na makausap kayo ng hindi via comments lang.
After kong i-enumerate kahapon ang mga happy things na nangyari the past few weeks, may ikikwento akong sad thing. Hindi ako na-hire dun sa isa kong in-applyan. Matanda na ko para magmukmok pero may percentage pa rin hanggang ngayon na nasasaktan ako. Mga 5% na lang naman. Tapos di ko alam kung yung 5% ba na yun ay kalungkutan ba talaga dahil hindi ako natanggap? O disbelief na, “Bakit hindi ako natanggap?” Is it pure sadness or is it my ego? Either way, okay lang yun. It’s normal to feel these feelings.
Sa buong proseso ng paghahanap ng trabaho, interview talaga ang pinaka pinaka hate ko. Alam kong kaya ko yung trabaho pero ang hirap patunayan through interview. Hays. Pero ang alam ko lang ngayon, kung magkakaron man ako ng isa pang interview, mas makakasagot na ko ng maayos. Baka mas less na yung dugdug sa dibdib ko dahil parang nagkaron ako ng practice sessions from my previous interviews. Kaya go lang. Try ulit.
Meron pa kong dalwang pending applications na hindi pa alam ang result. So sana naman kahit isa dun makuha ko. Kasi kahit mas prepared na ko, ayokong ma-interview nanaman! Sobrang nakaka-stress. I-hire nyo na lang ako please!
Nanalo kami sa 50-50 raffle nung birthday ni Theo haha! Di ako swerte sa mga pa-raffle kaya sobrang saya.
Hinalungkat ko yung archives ko pero wala ako ni-isang November 1st na entry. Nakita ko kasi yung favorite artist ko na pinost nya yung Nov 1st journal entries nya through the years so gusto kong gayahin, pero yun nga, wala akong nakita. Gagawa na lang ako ngayon.
Ang labo ng Mama. Nagse-send ako ng Halloween pictures namin sa group chat, di pinapansin. Pero nung pinost ko sa FB, saka nag-react at nag-comment ng madami. Maybe it’s a boomer thing? 😅
Finally tapos na ang mga interviews ko! Makaka-relax na ko ng maigi. Naka-tatlong interviews ako the past two weeks tapos may online assessments pa. Hays sana naman matanggap ako. Kahit isa lang dun sa in-applyan ko okay na. Mas okay sana yung isa kasi parang 6 months lang sya tapos pag di na ulit sila busy, end of contract na. Parang di pa ko ready maging regular employee. Tsaka kung matapos yung 6-month contract ko, may mari-receive pa rin ako na financial assistance from the government kasi hindi naman ako nag-resign, tinanggal nila ko. So that’s the plan.
A few days ago I discovered new music from Austin Kleon’s newsletter. It’s ‘Music for Airports’ by Brian Eno and I super loved it. I added it to my psychedelic playlist. Now I’m continuing to read ‘How to Change Your Mind’ (which is about psychedelics) and it mentions Brian Eno! La lang.
10AM na pala pero gusto ko pang magbasaaa. Still reading ‘How to Change Your Mind’ by Michael Pollan.
It happened Oct 16, 2022. It was a Sunday. And it’s one of the most (if not the most) memorable and meaningful experiences of my life. I learned that I am capable of loving more deeply and that I have a lot of love to give—to others and to myself. I had a glimpse of a different version of myself. More loving, more curious, in awe of everything, more patient and relaxed. I just hope that I will be able to cultivate that experience—that feeling—and bring it with me in my everyday life.
Excerpt from a private entry I wrote that day:
Cocou! It’s been a long time. I feel like mon français has little improvement. Je dois plus pratiquer outside mes cours de français. Mais, j’ai trouvé une amie who’s helping with mon français. Nous met sur Instagram. Nous nous envoyons des messages voice. J’aime écouter son accent et ses phrases. J’espère que nous serons de bonnes amies.
Hey! It’s been a long time. I feel like my French has little improvement. I need to practice more outside my French classes. But, I found a friend who’s helping with my French. We met each other on Instagram. We send each other voice messages. I like to listen to her accent and her sentences. I hope we will be good friends.
Gleniz da Menace