Lately, lagi na lang akong 2 AM or 1 AM natutulog. Kasi nagsisimula yung mood kong mag-drawing and gumawa ng anything art related pag tapos na si Kenneth magtrabaho. So mga 5 PM sya matatapos, dun pa lang ako magsisimula. Kaya parang nanlalambot ako netong mga nakaraang araw. Tas wala pa kong exercise nga kasi kung ano ano nanamang sumasakit sakin. Kakawalang gana tuloy.
So feeling ko kelangan kong magbago ng routine. Kasi kahit isipin ko na productive naman ako kahit puyat ako, eh hindi naman maganda dahil baka kung ano nanamang maramdaman ko, mas makakasama pa in the long run. Kaya ngayon matutulog ako ng maaga. Mga 10:30 PM matutulog na ko. Tas sa mga susunod na days aagapan ko pa.
Anyway, excited na kong dumating yung washi tapes na inorder ko sa manufacturer. Apat na designs yun so nakakatuwa na makita yung designs ko sa ganung klaseng product. Sana maganda ang kalabasan. Bukas padating din yung order ko na backing slash thank you card para sa mga future orders. Mas professional na syang tingnan pag may ganun. Inutang ko muna sa savings namin yung pinambayad dun so sana naman kumita. Ang dami pa namang kompetensya na washi tapes sa Etsy tapos mas mura. Bahala na. Buti medyo mura lang naman kasi direct manufacturer.
Nakakainggit yung ibang artists na idols ko sa IG, talagang halos araw-araw sila nakakapag-drawing. Ako depende sa mood so ang konti ng napproduce ko. Ang hirap talaga pag innate na tamad. Naffrustrate ako sa sarili ko.
Drawing ko kahapon. Sana ganito everyday.
PS:
11:35 PM na. Matutulog na talaga ko. Toothbrush muna. Nakapag-drawing naman ako kahit papano.
Nung last day ng April ni-log ko yung ginawa ko sa isang buong araw para ma-check kung productive ba ko. Kasi nga feeling ko parang ang konti ng nagagawa ko simula nung nag-freelance ako. So ito ang kinalabasan:
7:10 am Woke up
7:15 am Pooped
7:30 am Nagiisip ng gagawin kung magw-workout
7:40 am Food prep
7:45 am Workout
8:05 am Rest
8:30 am Vacuum
8:45 am Prep and cook (with social media in between kasi pinapakuluan pa yung sopas)
9:45 am Ligo while sopas is cooking
10 am Continue cooking
10:20 am Brunch
10:40 am Impis dishes + laundry
11:10 am Chill
11:35 am Work (ended up journaling)
12:15 pm Figure out what productive thing to do (ate sopas)
12:40 pm Chill
1 pm Work (Etsy store, new listings, business social media posts)
4 pm Chill and eat
5 pm Piano
5:55 pm Chill
7 pm Work (new designs + future plans)
9:45 pm Chill
10:45 pm Zzzz
So ico-compute ko yung hours na productive ako and chill lang. Pero eto ang gusto ko sa freelance. Magbbreak ako kung kelan ko gusto. Hindi katulad sa office na minsan sasapit ang 10 or 11 am tapos antok na antok na ko pero hindi ako makapag-break dahil 12 pm pa ang lunch break ko. Tapos 30 mins lang yung lunch break. Okay so eto ang kinalabasan:
Work – 5 hrs 45 mins
Chill – 3 hrs 55 mins
Homemaking – 1 hr 40 mins
Eat – 1 hr 45 mins
Self care – 2 hrs 10 mins
Daily routine – 30 mins
Hindi ako ganun kasaya sa work hours ko pero since araw-araw naman ako nagttrabaho (including weekends), okay na siguro ang 6 hours a day. Pero siguro yung chill hours ko need kong bawasan ng konti, gawin kong mas productive like reading or learning a new language. Yung sa pagkain ko talagang mabagal na ko kumain ever since so normal na yan. So mukang ang need ko lang i-adjust is yung chill hours. Kahit reduce lang to 3 hours kasi hindi ako pwede nang nas-stress dahil nga ang dami kong health issues.
Ang saya palang mag-keep track ng daily activities. Gagawin ko uli to bukas.
Si Cashew na laging tulog pero sobrang ingay pag gising
First of all, medyo naffrustrate talaga ako sa productivity ko simula nung nagresign ako. Sabi ko nung may trabaho pa ako, nasasayang yung oras ko sa office. Imbis na nakakapag-art attack ako and maka-attract ng potential clients, nasa office ako. Sabi ko, makapagresign lang ako, ang dami ko sanang oras para makapag create. Pero ngayong resigned na nga ako, hindi ko ma-utilize yung oras ko ng maayos. Sobrang distracted ako sa Instagram. Hays. The temptations.
Although hindi naman ako naging zero percent productive, ang konti pa din ng nagagawa ko. Nakaka-disappoint. Tapos magi-guilty ako eh kasalanan ko naman talaga. Kanina, kakatapos lang nung ginagawa ko na art set. Ang theme is baking cookies. Happy naman ako sa kinalabasan.
Set 1: Objects
Set 2: Experience
So yan lang yung nagawa kong productive. And 2 weeks ko syang ginawa. Pero feeling ko kaya ko tong gawin in 2-3 days. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pero wala talaga ako sa mood gumawa sa umaga. Yung pag maliwanag. Mas gising yung utak ko and mas nakakapagisip ako pag gabi. Kaso ang tendency ko, pag tapos na si Kenneth sa trabaho, gusto kong mag-bonding kami kaya sinasabayan ko syang mag-chill. Pero ang lame ng excuse ko kaya kelangan ko pa din magbago.
Pagdating naman sa cooking skills ko, feeling ko ang tino ko na talagang magluto. Sobrang nakaka-proud kasi almost everytime nagluluto ako, wala nang sukatan. Tancha tancha na lang. Dati kasi for example magluluto akong nilaga, pag sinabing 1 tsp salt, susukatin ko talaga. Sobrang noob. Pero ngayon hindi na. Tsaka minsan hindi ko fina-follow yung recipe unlike dati na kung ano yung nandun, yun lang yung gagawin ko. Kaya nung sinabihan ako ni Aryan na gumawa na daw akong ng separate IG account para sa mga niluluto ko, gumawa nga ako kasi naisip ko din magandang reference pag nauubusan ako ng ideas ng mga lulutuin. Chef Bumburumbum yung pangalan, si Kenneth ang nakaisip. Bumburumbum kasi kilala ang mga Pagbilaoins sa word na to. Mga niluto ko the past 2 weeks:
Frittata cups
Baked macaroni
My favorite, maja blanca
Since naka self-quarantine pa din kami, hindi ako makapag-grocery. So naubusan na ko ng mga lulutuin. Ubos na ang mga gulay namin so ang limited lang ng mga recipes na pwedeng lutuin, wala nang pangsahog. Eh as much as possible ayaw ko pang lutuin yung mga de lata namin. So madalas nagpapadeliver din kami sa labas which is isa pang gusto kong iwasan kasi mahagad talaga. Pero minsan wala din talaga kong disiplina. Tapos yung latest pinadeliver namin ni Kenneth eh yung medyo matinong ramen dito sa Winnipeg. Pero compared mo sa ramen places sa Manila, sobrang inferior pa din netong nandito. High yung expectation namin nung una kase chef daw from Japan so ine-expect ko, yung lasa, at par dun sa mga ramen na natry namin sa Japan or at least yung sa Pilipinas. Pero ang waley pa din. Matabang yung broth. Kaya sobrang na-appreciate ko yung mga ramen places sa Manila. Ganun pala talaga siguro kahirap gumawa ng masarap na ramen.
The underwhelming ramen
Hinati ko yung ramen kasi alam kong hindi ko mauubos yung buo
Balak ko nga palang gumawa ng Youtube channel about sa art ko. Why not. Malay mo may manood. Pero naiisip ko ang matrabaho masyado. Hindi pa nga ako nakaka-gain ng momentum sa art stuff ko tapos sisingitan ko pa ng iba nanamang activity. Hays. Kakaasar. Nakaka-disappoint talaga. I will try my best pa din.
Ordered some books. Yung graphic design book lang talaga ang intended kong bilhin. Extra lang yung iba para umabot ng $45 para free shipping.
Tapos ako jobless kasi nag-resign na ko to pursue ang aking career in art/design
In our mini office
So kahapon, parang feel na feel namin yung pagka-house wife ko. Feel na feel ni Kenneth. Kasi the night before, gumawa na ko ng daily schedule ko para productive ako throughout the day at nakakakain kami sa oras. Since alam kong 12PM ang lunch break nya, nasa schedule ko na 11AM, magluluto na ko. Para 12PM, ready na ang pagkain at sabay kaming mag-lunch.
Best nilaga ever daw
Few minutes after 12PM, lumabas na sya sa mini office namin tapos ang sabi, “What’s for lunch?” habang nakangiti. Halatang halata na gusto nya yung inaasikaso sya. Haha. Kasi kahit noon pa, may usapan kami na magiging house wife ako kapag kaya ng sweldo nya para nga ma-pursue ko yung art career ko. Ngayon parang kaya naman pero yung tipong wala na kaming maiipon masyado. Saktong sakto lang sa mga bills and groceries. Kaya ginagalingan ko dito sa freelance ko para makapag-contribute ako kahit papano. And yun yung purpose nung daily schedule na ginawa ko, para di ako ma-sidetrack. Ang daming distractions pag freelancer. Ang daling manood na lang ng Netflix, tapos kain tulog. Hindi pwede.
Taking notes sa pinapanood kong illustration class
So kahapon yun. Kanina, tinuloy ko lang yung tine-take kong online class. Ang dami kong natutunan. Excited and kabado at the same time kasi after ng theories, application naman ang next. Di ko alam kung bakit every time magddrawing ako kinakabahan ako. I think sa sobrang gusto kong makapag-produce ng quality work, inaatake ako ng doubt and anxiety. Nauunahan ako ng kaba. Pero sabi nga sa podcast na napakinggan ko, fear is okay. Kasi the moment na wala na yung fear, ibig sabihin non parang bored ka na sa ginagawa mo or wala ka nang gana.
11:08AM na so kelangan ko nang magluto. As for me, masaya ako. Syempre sino ba namang hindi sasaya na mas hawak mo yung oras mo. Pero yun nga. Nakaka-pressure din and may guilt feelings kasi wala na kong nacocontribute na income sa household. Never naman akong nakarinig kay Kenneth ng kahit ano. Suportado nya talaga ko. Yung malikot na utak ko lang ang kalaban ko. Madaming naiisip na hindi na naman dapat ika-worry. Basta ang goal ko ay mag-focus dito sa art ko which will lead to potential clients. Good luck sakin. And sabi ko nga, worse comes to worst, may balikan naman. Pwede naman akong bumalik sa office job kung hindi ito mag-workout. Pero bago mangyari yun, ita-try ko muna ang best ko. Okay magluluto na ko.
A rare sight! Normally suplado si Cashew pero tumabi at umupo sya sa legs ko 😍
Sobrang saya ko lang talaga kasi may mga dumating ulit akong clients. Yung isa taga Vienna. Wow sosyal. Nahanap lang daw nya yung IG art account ko sa isa pang IG account. Pag may mga ganitong nagi-inquire, hindi muna ako nae-excite kasi may tendency na hindi sila magpush through pag binigyan ko na sila ng quote. Although masaya pa din kasi naf-flatter ako. Ibig sabihin nagustuhan nila ang mga gawa ko. So etong si Vienna sausage, ang gusto nyang ipagawa is illustration ng superhero na ang cape daw ay banana. Medyo nag-alinlangan ako kasi di ko forte magdrawing especially tao. Although alam kong kakayanin ko naman, nag-doubt pa din ako. Pero in-entertain ko pa din at sinendan ko ng quote. Miraculously, nagpadala na sya ng downpayment. Amaze na amaze na naman ako at tuwang tuwa. Sa isip ko kasi, I’m not worthy. Bakit ako? Eto na nga siguro talaga yung nababasa kong imposter syndrome. Nung una skeptical pa ko dito sa syndrome na to eh pero parang totoo nga sya. Nagkaka mild anxiety ako.
After pa non, may nag-inquire ulit sakin. Actually hindi nga inquiry eh. Ang wording nya is “Magpapagawa kami sayo ng invitation.” hindi “Magkano ang pagawa ng invitation?”. Taga Australia naman. Tsk sosyalin talaga ang mga clients ko. Birthday invitation naman so medyo nasa comfort zone ko. Twice na ko nakagawa ng kiddie invitation so hindi naman masyadong kabado. After ko isend yung quote, binayaran ako agad in full. Grabe talaga sobrang nakaka-overwhelm. Kaya ngayong maghapon, eto lang ang gagawin ko. Ang saya pag ganito everyday. Mabubuhay na ko pwede na ko talaga magresign. Plus gusto ko pa yung ginagawa ko.
Konting life updates: Nakapagrecord na kami ni Nick ng episode 11. The start of season 2. Ayos naman. Tagal ko na naman nageedit. Pero kahit matagal, feeling ko hindi ko kayang ibigay kay Nick yung task ng pag-eedit. Sobrang OC ko kasi. Haha.
Bago pa i-suggest ni Nick, naisip ko na talagang gumawa ng bagong intro outro song. Natuwa naman ako sa result. Parang gusto ko syang buuin parang maging 2-3 minute song. Pero priority ko muna ‘tong commissions ko. May ipapa-ship pa pala kong orders kay Kenneth. Thank you Dany for always patronizing my work! Sya talaga ang unang nagtiwala sakin at si Reagan. Super thankful ako sa binigay nilang confidence sakin. Ngayon mas naha-handle ko na yung overwhelming feelings. Nung una kasi talagang umiyak ako. Ganun pala yun.
O sya. Tanghali na. Dami ko pang gagawin. Kelangan ko na din matapos yung binabasa kong libro para sa book club discussion sa Sunday. Hindi ko alam kung anong mga ipagsasasabi ko dun. Babayu!
Umo-okay okay na ko. Nakakalakad na ko ng maayos, pero medyo dahan-dahan pa din. Yung isang incision ko medyo fresh pa. Tapos may mga sumasakit pa din ng pakonti-konti kaya alalay pa sa paggalaw.
Lugaw forever. With lechon belly 😋
Dinalaw ako ni Sam kahapon. Nakakatawa ngayon lang kami nakapag-meet, lampas 1 year na kami dito sa Winnipeg. Nakakatuwa at nagi-guilty daw sya. Super okay lang naman kasi sobrang busy nya pagaasikaso ng pagiging nurse nya dito. Parang 3 years na daw nya inaasikaso yun grabe. Eh di kwentuhan lang kami ng kwentuhan. Nakakatuwa yung mga kwento nya kasi parang bumalik ako sa mundo ng ospital. Parang napa-reminisce ako ng konti pero tamang ganun na lang. Ayoko pa din mag-nurse.
Tapos sobrang na-motivate akong ituloy yung pag-apply ko sa Graphic Design program. Eto yung full-time student na talaga ko. Hindi yung kinuha ko na part-time program lang. Pag full time, talagang kelangan magre-resign ako tapos 2 years akong estudyante. Recently kasi nagdadalwang isip ako kung itutuloy ko pa ba. Kasi nga insufficient funds (bigla kong naalala yung Red Alert). Pero nung nakausap ko si Sam, dun ko ulit na-realize na kaya naman talaga. May student loan naman tsaka pwedeng suportahan ng government. Although naisip ko pala baka hindi ako ma-approve dun sa loan kasi yung program, iisipin nila na arts arts lang. Pero bahala na. Push ko na talaga. Magpapa-schedule na ko ng CANTest next week. Sana makapasa ako! Kase pag hindi, hindi ako makakapag-apply dun sa program. So yun na lang muna ang first step. Pag di ako nakapasa, no choice. Next intake na lang ulit.
My sister, Tricia. I-drawing ko daw sya.
Netong nakaraang week. May pinanood akong class about digital illustration. So nasa mood akong mag-drawing drawing. Hindi pa ko fully satisfied sa mga ginawa ko pero hayaan na. Hindi naman siguro sobrang pangit.
First attempt
Proud din naman ako kasi hindi ko inexpect na kaya kong mag-drawing ng ganyang cartoon-ish tapos walang gayahan. Fan na ko ng hindi perfectly shaped na tao. Yung tipong hindi talaga match yung proportions. I-eexplore ko pa yung ganung style. Eto yung mga recent inspirations ko: @dianaillustrates at @jaromvogel.
Gusto ko pang mag-drawing kaso kelangan ko nang matapos yung book namin for this month (The Stand by Stephen King). May discussion yung book club namin next week. Kelangan ko nang humabol kasi mga tapos na sila. Babayu!
When I sleep, I sing songs I’ve never heard before. I see places and things so bizarre that it would make a great art piece. My creativity flourishes. But then I’d wake up. And all I’m left with is my boring, conscious thoughts.
Minsan hindi ko talaga mapigilan maisip kung anong mangyayari sa art venture ko. Gusto kong isipin na ginagawa ko lang sya for fun. As a creative outlet kasi talagang meron akong satisfaction na nararamdaman pag nakaka-create ako ng something na matino. Kaso pag may nakikita ako na super successful sa creative business nila, gusto ko din maging ganun. So parang nap-pressure ako. Hanggang sa hindi na sya nagiging fun. Lagi akong naghahanap ng validation at nagiisip ng iba-ibang ways para masabi kong “I made it!”
Since wala akong magawa ngayon kahit nasa office ako at kelangan kong magtrabaho, nagbabasa-basa ako ng articles. Tapos may nabasa ako about sa “the gig economy”. About sa mga solo entrepreneurs. May na-mention about people na nagsimula sa hobby lang tapos super successful na ngayon. Bigla kong na-imagine kung pano kaya kung ako yun. Tapos di ako natuwa dun sa thought. Parang na-imagine ko na super busy ko tapos hindi na ako nag-eenjoy sa ginagawa ko kasi para sa clients lang lahat ng ginagawa ko. Imbis na ma-motivate ako dun sa article, parang nagka-urge ako na magslow down. Na wag i-pressure ang sarili ko na maging successful. Na truly i-enjoy ko na lang tong creative side ko. Yung impulses ko na “Sana dumami ang clients ko!” is nag-fade. Tingin ko good thing to sakin. Kase minsan yung utak ko hindi ko na ma-control parang and dami masyadong iniisip na hindi naman ganun ka-importante. Kaya siguro gustong gusto ko laging madistract kase kung hindi parang mababaliw ako. Non-stop kasi talaga ang utak ko sobrang sobrang dami kong iniisip mapa-past, present or future. Ang dami kong opinyon sa mga bagay-bagay at ang dami ko masyadong feelings. Overthinking to the max talaga. Kelangan ko na siguro talaga ng meditation.
I just noticed (my aunt and uncle noticed it too), during these past few months in Canada, that I had been quite lucky. Here’s a couple of lucky things that happened:
We went to the casino and I won $100 playing Blackjack. I had gambling issues and used to go to casinos all by myself. But that was before and I stopped gambling ultimately when I had my losing streak. So when we went to this casino, I was playing just for fun. I wasn’t even playing my own money. My uncle gave us $20 each. When I won $10, I was planning on stopping. But I decided to just continue and didn’t care if I lose. But then I didn’t. 😉
Kept this as a souvenir
We were shopping in this store and I bought some stuff and this nice (pricey) wrap-around jacket that’s perfect for fall. Only I didn’t buy it. When I checked the receipt, the salesperson didn’t scan the tag on the jacket so I got it for free. I know that wasn’t the right thing to do; but I am jobless and a person who sometimes gets tempted so…
After just a month here, I already got a job. It was only a 2-month placement so it isn’t really something that’s permanent but still, that was pretty lucky. Unfortunately, I was having some health issues and I’m sorry, no disrespect, but I just loathe the job. I will certainly miss the residents and most of them are sweet but that’s just isn’t enough for me to stay.
So after working there for 2 weeks, I quit and hope that I will immediately find another job. And luckily, after a couple of weeks, I received several interview invitations. Then I got interviewed for this certain position (which is kind of similar to my previous job back home) and got an offer a few days after the interview. I was sooo happy and was jumping for joy nonstop. But that’s not it! It was a double entendre because not only I got hired, they hired me for a higher position! Which means higher salary! I can’t help but smile thinking about it.
Over to Dust Designs news (my graphic art business), I just got a client who needed some tags and things for her wedding. So I am currently working on it and like how things are going.
Their two options
I almost forgot the iPad. It wasn’t totally free because the bank let me chose if I’d want to have free monthly banking fees for a year or I’ll pay the monthly fees but I’ll get an iPad. I chose the latter because I’m planning to get an iPad anyway so it’s like I’m paying it in installments. Apparently, “24-month installment for zero interest!” is not a thing here. So that worked out. Also, the bank manager offered us free monthly fees for the first 2 months. So it’s like I got a discounted, 10 months to pay iPad. Yes!
Also, I get to experience snow. I consider that lucky because not everyone has the chance to experience snow. 😊
And that was it! I should be happy but… No wait, I am happy. But I am also worried. I’m worried that something unlucky will happen because of all these lucky-ness. I will be watching out.
It always crosses my mind to make a blog post whenever I’m doing something I don’t really do in the Philippines. Or when I see something new or unusual. I will always think, “I will write this on my blog.” But here I am, finally giving some time to blog and I can’t recall all of those things that I wanted to write. But I will try.
DEER LODGE CENTRE
I got a job placement as a Health Care Aide in Deer Lodge Centre two weeks ago. It’s a rehab facility for the elderly (we call them residents). We wash them, feed them, and just take care of them in general. I will really miss some of the residents (especially Henny, Isabella and Garth) ‘cos I already quit yesterday. 😅
Even though I’m not fond of the job (it was my first time to wipe someone else’s ass), I was really planning on finishing my 2-month contract. Because how lucky am I to get a job that I didn’t even apply to, no interviews whatsoever, and considering that I’ve been here for just a month? Really lucky. They just told us to be there at this date, wear scrubs, and start working already (thanks to Manitoba Start – a government funded organization). And then if Deer Lodge likes me, I will be directly employed with them and get an $18 hourly pay (that’s quite plenty because the minimum hourly wage here is $11).
So the reason why I quit this job is because my eczema (which has been going on for 10 years now) is worsening. Some may think that it’s a lousy reason to quit but I’ll tell them to have an eczema first and tell me about it. I’m okay with the dryness and itchy feeling because I have my super effective ointment to relieve the itchiness. But when it starts to cause open wounds (due to frequent hand washing and sanitizing), I really needed to think about it. Exposing the wounds to even just water really hurt. What more if it’s exposed to soap or alcohol. Harsh chemicals are a no-no for eczema. That’s why I always use gloves even when I take a bath because exposure to shampoo and conditioner causes the flare-ups too. I tried using organic products but to no avail.
And so I quit. I was not happy about it because I really wanted to earn money right away (and I’m planning to get the iPhone XS 😂). But why should I stay in a job that: 1. I don’t like and 2. worsens my already worse eczema? I say, don’t. Manitoba Start was okay with it and said they’ll try to find another placement for me. They were all really nice. It turns out I didn’t even need reason #2 to finally decide that I won’t finish the contract. I learned that it wouldn’t be a problem if I just say that I feel like I’m not a fit for the job and that I changed my interests.
And then I also had the okay from my uncle and aunt (whom we’re living with) and said that I should just find an office job. They were all really kind and supportive. I can’t really express how thankful we are to them. I love them so much!
Impromptu photo shoot. Ang lamig!
RBC (Royal Bank of Canada)
This is our bank here. Here in Winnipeg (or maybe across Canada), there is no maintaining balance. We opened a bank account with zero dollars on hand (because we didn’t have our money at that time). The manager was also a Filipino so it was a pleasant experience.
The most exciting part was their ongoing promo. They are giving away free iPads (the latest one) to newly opened accounts. What’s so great about this is, for months I was really planning on getting an iPad Pro for my graphic business. iPad Pro because it’s compatible with the Apple Pencil. But what’s even more great is that the latest iPad (the one RBC is giving away) is already compatible with the Apple Pencil. So yay! I don’t need to get an iPad Pro anymore! Yehey yehey!
Zero $$$
The iPad will arrive next week! I’m so excited.
I think this is it for now. This post is getting too long already. I think I’ll blog more frequent now since I don’t have a job anymore anyways.
PS: It was already snowing yesterday!!! Sobrang bano ako 😂
Gleniz da Menace 