Finally tapos na ang mga interviews ko! Makaka-relax na ko ng maigi. Naka-tatlong interviews ako the past two weeks tapos may online assessments pa. Hays sana naman matanggap ako. Kahit isa lang dun sa in-applyan ko okay na. Mas okay sana yung isa kasi parang 6 months lang sya tapos pag di na ulit sila busy, end of contract na. Parang di pa ko ready maging regular employee. Tsaka kung matapos yung 6-month contract ko, may mari-receive pa rin ako na financial assistance from the government kasi hindi naman ako nag-resign, tinanggal nila ko. So that’s the plan.
A few days ago, sobrang discouraged ako kasi wala ako masyadong sales sa sticker shop ko. Kung meron akong one thing na gustong mangyari sa future, yun ay maging successful ang sticker shop business ko. But apparently, it’s not happening. So yun, malungkot, ang daming doubts.
Madami akong personal struggles sa pagiging freelancer ko kaya pakiramdam ko nakatulong yung libro ni Celeste Headlee na Do Nothing. Yung naiisip ko noon na advantages ng pagiging freelance, parang naging problema ngayon.
Bigla kong naisip na gawin ulit ‘to pero late na ko nakapagsimula.
5:18 PM
Nasimulan ko na yung step #1 sa “The Steps”. And true enough, mas lalo ko ngang na-appreciate ang animation. Sobrang daming moving parts para makapag-produce ng isang animated film. From an outsider’s point of view, akala ko basta may magddrawing lang tapos i-a-animate nila yung drawings. Yun pala merong in charge sa pag-design ng characters, props and background. Tapos merong gagawa ng 3D models nung characters and all tapos may tinatawag na sculptors. Meron ding term na “rigging” na lagi kong nadidinig pero wala akong idea kung ano. After non merong in charge sa surface or texture nung characters, may in charge sa visual effects, lighting, sound, etc. Basta ang dami pa!!!
So after ko panoorin yung video na yun, mas trip ko talaga yung visual development department especially yung sa background design. Pwede ko rin siguro pagaralan yung sa characters and props. Pero isa pang interested ako eh yung matte painting. Sana talaga mapili ako as mentee dun sa WIA Mentorship Program! Yung visual/character effects mukang okay din.
May mga iba pa kong pinanood after. Super favorite ko yung movie na Inside Out so nakakatuwa na makita yung behind the scenes.
6:22 PM
Tumawag yung kapatid ko. Si Tricia, yung bunso namin. Nagusap lang kami about exercise bikes at yung dysmenorrhea nya. Sabi ko magpa-ultrasound na sya. Nakausap ko rin ng very light ang Mama at Papa. Minanok na baka ang ulam nila. Kakamiss sila. COVID matapos ka na!!!
7:11 PM
Watching an animation online course and I’m learning about this “squash and stretch” thing. The kitties are being distracting though.
Super nac-curious sila pag binubuksan ko yung bintana
7:23 PM
Watched another YT video about different animation softwares.
7:30 PM
I might try to learn how to use Blender. Magcheck out pa ko ng ibang videos about it.
For now, magbabasa muna ako ng The Midnight Library. Popular sya sa book community so na-curious ako. Yung genre nya ay fantasy. Medyo wala akong idea kung tungkol saan so excited akong simulan.
8:11 PM
Finished reading. Kumakain na ko ng dinner. Pero instead of reading The Midnight Library, I continued reading Norwegian Wood. Nafeel ko lang. Tapos habang binabasa ko yung Norwegian Wood, may naisip akong concept for a movie. Tapos parang magandang Pixar ang mag-produce. Hahaha. Nag-iimagine ako ng mga scenes sa utak ko habang kumakain ng tocino at dinuguan.
8:55 PM
Duolingo time after eating.
In fairness madami na kaming vocab na alam at nakakapag-construct na din kami ng sentences. Je suis content! 😂
Maglalaro muna ako ng Cozy Grove tapos siguro papanoorin namin yung new episode ng Vincenzo. Sana makapagbasa ako uli mamaya.
10:10 PM
Ngayon pa lang ako maglalaro ng Cozy Grove kasi humanash pa ko kay Kenneth. Kinekwento ko sa kanya na gusto kong magkaron ng friend na nakakarelate sa ginagawa ko ngayon. Gusto kong magkaron ng isang person na kachikahan ko about the world of illustration tapos masusubaybayan namin yung journey ng isa’t isa. Kaso nga sa ganitong age, ang hirap. And mas lalo syang pinahirap ng COVID.
Medyo tanggap ko nanaman kaso nakakamiss lang na magkaron ng work friend tapos same kayo ng struggles and makakarelate kayo sa achievements ng isa’t isa. Mas masaya sana kung may ganun.
So unti-unti nang nagkakaron ng linaw ang gusto kong mangyari sa career ko. Ngayon, gusto kong mag-focus sa animation. Admittedly, kaya ako nagka-interes sa kanya kasi nakita ko lang sa iba and of course, ang cool makapag-trabaho sa isang studio na gumagawa ng mga animated films. Yun talaga yung unang motivation. Feeling ko hindi naman ako nagiisa.
Pero ngayon gusto kong mag-go deeper than that. Siguro kaya ako nalo-lost kasi naka-focus ako masyado dun sa glorious feeling pag nakapasok ako sa isang studio. Yun agad yung naiisip ko eh wala pa nga akong napapatunayan. Tsaka hindi sya magandang basis in the long run. Kelangan ko muna syang gustuhin talaga for what it is. Good and bad. Kasi for sure stressful yung trabaho and sobrang competitive.
So ngayon nakakaisip na ko ng mga concrete first steps plus yung ideal mindset ko going forward with it:
Watch behind the scenes kung anong nangyayari sa isang animation studio (understand the different pipelines, the workflow and really appreciate what they’re trying to create)
After understanding the different pipelines, choose 1 or 2 areas of focus. You have to choose kahit mukang cool lahat! Saka ka na magbranch out pag na-master mo na yung iba
Find online resources to learn your chosen areas and apply “deep work” (currently reading Cal Newport’s book Deep Work). Be thankful that you have the privilege to do this in the first place. Don’t waste time.
While doing all this, keep in mind that the primary reason why you’re doing this is because you’re a creative person and that you’re curious. That’s it and that’s true. Stop distracting your mind. Just do your thing and do good work (reread the book Big Magic to be reminded of this)
Share your best work and don’t think too much about how people will receive it. Remember that you’re primarily doing this for your own pleasure’s sake. If something good comes out of it, that’s just a bonus.
Lastly, prioritize your physical and mental well-being. Because you can’t do all these if you’re frail and don’t know how to cope with stresses of life.
Ang daming exciting na nangyayari sa art community ngayong April. Nakakatuwa kasi nagkakaron ng konting structure yung araw ko kasi medyo nagiging busy na. Although mahina pa rin ang pumapasok na cha-ching, at least mas productive na ko ngayon. Since ang original plan naman talaga eh nasa school ako dapat ngayon, kung tumuloy ako wala naman talaga kong income sa mga panahon na ‘to. So yun na lang ang iniisip ko para hindi ako ma-pressure na dapat meron akong steady flow of income. Iniisip ko na lang pumapasok ako pero ako yung gumagawa ng sarili kong curriculum.
Speaking of the ganaps, unahin ko siguro yung Digital Art Bootcamp ni @rossdraws. Medyo parang art school yung style kasi meron syang ginawang syllabus. Halos sakop nya lahat except wala akong nakita na ang focus is perspective. Bulok ko pa naman dun pero oks lang.
I thought being a full-time artist was all painting and fun and endless flow of creativity—but it’s not. Well yes, it’s sometimes that—but it’s also discipline when you’re not in the mood to create, not getting discouraged even when your relatives have no clue what you’re doing and why you chose to do this, consistency, self-compassion when you feel you’re not good enough and (the most hassle) filing your self-employment tax. But I know all that now and I accept all the complexities that go with it. It’s not at all easy and I’m trying to be patient.
Thank you to everyone who showed their support (whether through DMs or likes or actually hiring me for projects) especially to my husband who really believes that I can achieve whatever it is I want to achieve. It’s just my first year and I’m still trying to figure things out while continuously learning and improving. I gave up my full-time job and a formal art education believing that I can do this all on my own. And I still believe that. Maybe that’s the most important thing of all—believing that you can do it.
Sabi nga ni Emma Stone:
I’m a person who relies very heavily on intuition and feeling out the situation. So I’ve never really made a five-year plan or anything like that. If it’s right, it will fall into place and if not, I understand.
Few days ago, nag-reply sakin yung art agent for children’s book illustrators kasi nag-submit ako ng portfolio ko. Although hindi successful, sobrang natuwa ako sa feedback nya kasi sobrang detailed. Super agree ako sa sinabi nya na feeling daw nya nag-eexplore pa ko ng style ko. Na hindi pa ganun ka-cohesive yung portfolio ko. Sobrang saya ko talaga nun. Pinuri nya din yung mga illustrations ko. Sobrang nagpasalamat talaga ko. Sabi nya:
I love your palette and many of your pieces – the image of the animals in a haystack, the old man sitting in a takeaway, and this image of a tree I saw on your instagram stood out. Also, your hand-lettering is wonderful, and that’s a skill which can come in handy especially for jacket illustrations. However, I get a sense that you are still exploring and haven’t yet found your personal style.
Gleniz da Menace 