Gleniz da Menace
The word ‘creative’ has been attached to me for a very long time. It’s just a common fact that some people are more into the arts and some people are more analytical and logical. And when your family and friends and other people tag you as a ‘creative’ as well, it’s hard to separate yourself from that label.
May pinapakinggan akong podcast at minention nung guest (artist sya) yung importance of keeping a sense of wonder. Dinescribe nya yung point sa buhay nya na umay na sya sa pagka-umay everytime kelangan nyang mag-grocery or mag-car wash siguro. Yung mga menial tasks. Mga should-haves natin sa buhay.
I encountered somewhere (YT or IG) something about a mid-year review. I’ve never done this. Nung beginning of 2022, gumawa ako ng game plan at na-excite akong malaman kung nag-stick ba ko sa kanya.
Nung binabasa ko yung 2022 game plan ko, meron pala kong theme. Haha nalimutan ko na. Ang theme ko raw sabi ko ay, “Be physically stronger and more focused.”
NEWS FLASH: Ngayon ko lang natanggap na pwedeng gamitin ang non-Pinoy brand tomato sauce sa mga tomato-based Filipino dishes.
Dati kasi, pag naisipan kong magluto ng afritada, o menudo, o pochero, tapos kumpleto na lahat ang ingredients except tomato sauce, at pwede naman akong bumili ng tomato sauce sa katapat naming grocery store, hindi ko pa rin itutuloy kasi foreigner yung brand ng tomato sauce nila. Ang pakiramdam ko, kailangan ko pang pumunta sa Asian store para makabili ng Pinoy brand tomato sauce, para matuloy ang balak kong lutuin.
“Eh di pumunta ka sa Asian store.”
Time to collect my thoughts and make a 2022 game plan. But first:
2021 REFLECTIONS
The year that I…
Explored A LOT of hobbies. Kaya naman little success lang ang na-achieve ko in terms of mastering a skill.
Aside from exploring hobbies, we also explored new places here in Manitoba.
This is also the year that I got serious about investing and finances in general.
What worked?
READ THIS BOOK IF…
QUICK AND TAMAD SUMMARY
Keiko is a 36 year-old Tokyo resident who works in a convenience store since she was 18. Masaya naman sya at wala syang balak na mag-quit kasi sobrang kuntento sya sa trabaho nya at sa buhay nya in general. Kaso andaming echosera na sobrang judgmental kasi sa age daw nyang yon, dapat daw may asawa at anak na sya. At dapat daw makahanap na sya ng ibang trabaho kasi minamaliit nila yung trabaho ni Keiko as a convenience store worker.
I would assume you already read the book so hindi na ko magta-try ikwento, pero gusto ko lang i-highlight yung mga moments na meron akong na-feel na strong emotions while reading the book like yung sobrang natawa ako or nagulat ako. Tapos may konting personal stories kung pano ko naka-relate.
At speaking of gulat, matiwasay lang akong nagbabasa kasi sinimulan nung author yung storya na bata pa si Keiko. So na-imagine ko naglalaro sila sa park with her playmates. Cutie cute cute. Tapos may nakita silang patay na ibon. Nung pinakita nya yung dead birdie, at nai-imagine ko pa yung enthusiasm nya, sabi nya sa nanay nya, “Let’s eat it!” At dun ko na-realize na kakaiba ‘tong si Keiko at kakaiba ‘tong librong binabasa ko.
READ THIS BOOK IF…
DO NOT READ IF…
The title of the book is a bit of an oxymoron. Kasi nga pano sya magiging “way” kung may obstacle nga. So title pa lang, it’s clear na ang gustong iparating ng book ay yung mga challenges daw, mga setbacks, mga “obstacles”, yun yung makakatulong satin para mag-improve at mas maging resilient. Yung mga problema, hindi natin dapat syang iwasan. Dapat natin syang daanan.
The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.
Marcus Aurelius
He says the best way out is always through
Robert Frost
And I agree to that, or in so far
As I can see no way out but through.
Nagkaron nanaman ako ng time magmumi muni since solo nanaman ako dito sa apartment. Narealize ko lang kung gano ako kakuntento ngayong moment na ‘to. Oo marami pa kong mga bagay na gustong gawin pero tanggap ko na hindi pa sya abot ng kamay ko ngayon (tulad ng paguwi sa Pilipinas para makasama ko na ang pamilya ko). Tanggap kong sa future pa sya mangyayari. Kaya tuloy ngayon, ang gaan ng pakiramdam ko.
Thank you Mama at Papa dahil pina-experience nyo sakin ang buhay. Kahit alam kong hindi ako planado, salamat dahil hindi kayo marunong mag-family planning, nabuhay tuloy ako.
Oo madami ring hindi magagandang nangyari sakin. Pero mas madami pa din yung masasaya at makabuluhan. At feeling ko yung mga pangit na nangyari, yun din yung nagbibigay ng extra saya sa mga moment na masasaya. Parang sa ibang tao kung ire-rate nila yung isang masayang bagay na 6 out of 10, sakin 9.
Kaya talagang kailangan ko palang alagaan ang sarili ko. Yun lang yung pwede kong maisukli sa mga magulang ko. Alagaan yung buhay na binigay nila sakin. Kailangan kong hindi lang pahabain yung buhay ko, kundi siguraduhin din na makabuluhan sa abot ng aking makakaya. At dahil dyan, maliligo na ako.
PS:
Happy anniversary Mama at Papa!!❤️
Just now ginoogle (nag-struggle ako pano i-spell), ni-Google? Ginugel. Basta nag-search ako sa Google ng, “how to be less tense” dahil nga pansin ko, parang lagi akong gigil. Gigil ako maligo, mag-toothbrush, mag-luto. Yun bang feeling ko nauubusan ako ng oras so kelangan kong magmadali kahit hindi naman. Hindi ko alam bakit yung mga ordinary activities like maghugas ng pinggan, magtiklop ng kumot, parang nastress ako. Basta yun yung feeling ko. Na kelangan kong magmadali. Na hinahabol ko yung oras. Kahit alam ko naman na wala naman akong hinahabol, hindi ko kelangan magmadali. Hindi ko maintindihan.
So based sa Google, expected ko na yung mga usual advice na meditate, breathing exercises, na hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin nakikita yung benefit kahit na-try ko na sya ilang beses. Siguro dahil hindi ako consistent. Pero yung isang advice ay: mag journal. Kaya nandito ako ngayon. Kasi ito yung tried and tested method na gagaan yung pakiramdam ko once magsulat ako dito.
Hindi ko lang maintindihan bakit may ganun akong tendency and almost everyday sya. Parang everyday nga talaga. Pero recently mas nagiging aware na ko so sinasadya kong bagalan yung galaw ko pero yung utak ko sinasabi pa rin na, “Bilis bilis!” So hinahayaan ko lang sya basta sinasadya ko pa ring bagalan yung paggalaw. Pero hindi pa rin sya nakakatulong kasi ang gusto kong mawala is yung pagiisip kong magmabilis. Kelangan kong rumelaks.
*after some more googling*
Isa daw reason is perfectionism. Which I can agree. Siguro may tendency yung utak ko na isipin na, “Today should be a productive day. Today should be a perfect day.” Parang totoo nga. Whether I think about it consciously or subconsciously, mukang ganun nga yung nangyayari.
Not only is this pursuit fruitless – “perfect” simply doesn’t exist – but it’s also exhausting.
When we’re living in permanent “chaser” mode, hankering after what comes next – we miss the moment. We’re going to find ourselves struggling to find contentment with what’s happening right now.
https://myonlinetherapy.com/why-am-i-so-tense-all-the-time/
May tina-try akong i-apply na mantra before (actually hanggang ngayon naman) dahil hindi naman ito yung first time na na-notice ko ‘to sa sarili ko. Yung mantra is: Slow, intentional living. Nahihirapan lang akong i-apply dahil nga hindi ko pa rin maiwasan makaalis sa “chaser mode”. I think the only thing to do is, try better next time. Try lang ng try. Parang yun lang talaga ang magagawa ko.
What’s more, it reaps havoc on our physical health. Chronic tension pushes our body into an almost constant state of “fight-or-flight” with heavy consequences (headaches, digestive issues, high blood pressure etc).
https://myonlinetherapy.com/why-am-i-so-tense-all-the-time/
I bet it also causes chronic low grade inflammation—which I’m trying to avoid. Lastly from this article:
Perfectionism has been passed down by the generations before you – but it’s not your weight to carry. Shifting the focus to getting your deeper needs met – rather than the superficial ones – is going to help you gradually restructure your life in a way that allows space for fun, love and connection, bringing with it more lasting fulfilment.
https://myonlinetherapy.com/why-am-i-so-tense-all-the-time/
Ugh gusto ko yung “Perfectionism is not your weight to carry.” at “getting your deeper needs met”. Ganda. So yun. Sinasabi ko na nga ba pagsusulat lang ang sagot (and Google). See? I feel so much better. Self therapy is the best. I guess yun nga. Just try to be better. And again, self compassion if I screw up. Be patient with myself. Thanks self!
Lately, nawawalan na ko ng time and energy magbasa. And nafi-feel bad ako about it until narealize ko na hindi naman dapat. Initially, I felt bad dahil baka hindi ko ma-reach yung goal ko na 50 books this year. Napatigil ako bigla and napaisip. Sa mga bago at interesting information na natutunan ko from reading this past few months, ilang percent yung na-retain sakin? Parang ang konti lang. Hindi kaya sa sobrang dami kong nabasa, na-jumble na masyado yung utak ko which resulted to less retention? Hindi ba mas maganda kung I read less books pero mas madami akong naaalala?
At yung isa pa, I already read 27 books this year and I have to remind myself that it’s nothing to scoff at. For a lot of people, it’s already an achievement. So parang ang useless nung pagka feel bad ko. But I would still like to be able to read more than I usually do. Pero siguro less pressure from myself na lang.
I’m currently reading The Healing Self (my non-fiction pick) and Tokyo Ever After (our book club book of the month). So far nag-eenjoy ako pareho sa kanila and malapit ko na matapos yung The Healing Self. I chose this book dahil baka makatulong sa chronic condition ko. I’m taking meds pero gusto kong samahan ng ibang approach para holistic yung pag-improve ko.
Ayun. Kelangan ko nang mag-exercise para makaligo na ko para makakain na ko para makapag farm na ko ng SLP. Good morning!
Gleniz da Menace