The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday | Book Report

READ THIS BOOK IF…

• You’re someone who half-ass a lot of things
• You dwell too much on the negative side
• You are overly emotional

DO NOT READ IF…

• You have more time at your disposal. I suggest you read A Guide to the Good Life instead.
• You’re already objective and calm and collected when facing stressful situations.

The title of the book is a bit of an oxymoron. Kasi nga pano sya magiging “way” kung may obstacle nga. So title pa lang, it’s clear na ang gustong iparating ng book ay yung mga challenges daw, mga setbacks, mga “obstacles”, yun yung makakatulong satin para mag-improve at mas maging resilient. Yung mga problema, hindi natin dapat syang iwasan. Dapat natin syang daanan.

The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.

Marcus Aurelius

He says the best way out is always through
And I agree to that, or in so far
As I can see no way out but through.

Robert Frost

The book explores the values in Stoicisim. May nabasa na kong isang book about this philosophy which is yung A Guide to the Good Life. Yun mas gusto ko yun. Full review of that book here.

Eto yung mga napulot ko in bullet form.

• Excessive worrying on things we cannot control is a waste of time

I think yung core message ng Stoicism ay, “Focus on the things you can control.” Which is the same advice that the author is communicating in this book. Pwedeng mga external forces ang naghi-hinder sa goals natin (things beyond our control), pero yung intentions natin, our will and perseverance, no one can take that away from us. That is something we can control.

Alam ko. Madaling sabihin. Kahit ang tagal ko nang alam ‘tong nugget of wisdom na ‘to, hindi ko pa rin masasabi na lahat ng problema kinaya ko. Or lahat ng goals ko hindi ako nag-give up. Kung hindi man ako nag-quit on purpose, either na-bore ako or na-distract ako sa ibang bagay. Ang hirap. At aware ako na may problema ako pagdating sa focus and discipline, which I am constantly trying to improve on.

Focusing exclusively on what is in our power magnifies and enhances our power. But every ounce of energy directed at things we can’t actually influence is wasted—self-indulgent and self-destructive.

To be clear, merong disclaimer ang mga Stoic gurus dito. Hindi naman daw ibig sabihin na pag may nangyari sayong hindi maganda, hindi ka na allowed i-feel yung feelings mo. Na porke yung pangit na pangyayari ay uncontrollable, hindi ka na allowed maasar, madisappoint, malungkot. Ang problema lang daw is pag masyado kang nag-linger dun sa mga negative feelings na yun to the point na wala ka nang ginagawa to improve the situation.

• Seeing the good in the bad

“See the positive in the negative.” “There’s always a silver lining.” “The light at the end of the tunnel.” Ano pa. “There’s a rainbow after the rain.” Alam na natin ‘to. Ilang beses na natin ‘to na-encounter pero labas na lang sa tenga kasi sobrang cliche na.

Pero kung nanamnamin mo yung meaning, at merong hindi kaaya-ayang pangyayari (mababaw man or malala) na wala tayong kontrol, eto pa rin yung pwede nating i-try gawin. Try natin tingnan kung ano bang mapupulot natin na makabuluhan, anong learning. Eto yung mga not-so-obvious examples na pwede natin ma-encounter everyday:

– Long queues (or people who we find annoying) can teach us patience
– Boredom is an opportunity to become creative and try something new
– Heavy traffic means spending more time with our loved ones or a chance to listen to a podcast

Another way of putting it: Does getting upset provide you with more options?

Hindi. Pero, pag andun ka na sa sitwasyon, ang hirap kaya makita yung positive side. It takes a lot of brain power para hindi ka maging caught in the moment. Ang hirap na mag-act reasonably and logically right away. But the best thing we can do is still try.

Mental obstacles. Physical obstacles. Emotional obstacles. Perceived obstacles. We face them every day and our society is collectively paralyzed by this.

…turn the many negative situations we encounter in our lives into positive ones—or at least to snatch whatever benefit we can from them. To steal good fortune from misfortune.

So tama naman diba. Walang masama sa mga sinasabi nya. Meron lang sinabi yung author na hindi ako super 100% agree:

If an emotion can’t change the condition or the situation you’re dealing with, it is likely an unhelpful emotion. Or, quite possibly, a destructive one.

Destructive? Unhelpful? Parang too strong na masyado yung stance nya about emotions. Because detaching from our emotional reactions is just impossible. Sabi nga ni Mark Manson sa article nyang Why I Am Not a Stoic:

Not only is being unaffected by our emotions probably impossible, but often we find that people who try to resist their emotions usually need a lot more therapy than those that embrace them. Paradoxically, it’s only by engaging and expressing our emotions that they lose power over us.

Mark Manson

Agree. Sometimes kelangan lang natin ilabas. At may sinabi pa dun sa book na:

We defeat emotions with logic, or at least that’s the idea. Logic is questions and statements. With enough of them, we get to root causes (which are always easier to deal with).

I am in control, not my emotions.

But I am my emotions. Aren’t I? So I think, balance is key. Or rather, self-awareness is key. Kelangan natin maging aware para ma-gauge natin kung sumosobra na ba yung pagka-emotional natin or masyado naman nating pinipigilan at masyado tayong nagpapaka-strong. Introspect.

• Appreciate the kontrabidas. Embrace tragedies.

Eto same vein with seeing the good in the bad. Tumatak sakin before yung nabasa ko somewhere na, yung mga taong hindi magaganda ang intentions, mga taong puro drama at walang magawa sa buhay, meron daw silang kwenta sa buhay mo. Kasi reminder sila na yun yung mga klase ng tao na hindi mo hahayaan na maging ikaw.

Aside from that, eto pa raw ang usefulness nila:

– they keep you alert
– they raise the stakes
– they motivate you to prove them wrong
– they harden you
– they help you to appreciate true friends

When people are: —rude or disrespectful: They underestimate us. A huge advantage.

Same with people. We can also learn from our misfortunes.

Like any good school, learning from failure isn’t free. The tuition is paid in discomfort or loss and having to start over.

• Where do our obstacles come from?

Meron tayong mga goals. Merong mga bagay na interesado tayong gawin at gusto nating mag-excel sa bagay na yun. Career related man or hobby lang. Medyo dito kasi ako may struggle. I have the tendency to get bored easily. Jumping from one thing to the next. When I see improvement, I become complacent. I think I know the reason why. But I am too ashamed to say it out loud. I hate that about myself.

Don’t try halfheartedly before giving up.

Hays. I’ll try harder. This is something I can control. Kaya totoong too ‘tong next quote na ‘to:

Most of our obstacles are internal, not external.

Sobrang totoo. Kadalasan yung naghi-hinder satin na mag-move forward ay ang mga sarili rin natin. Yung mga sinasabi ng utak natin. Yung self-doubt. Yung fear na umalis sa comfort zone, na baka hindi naman mag-work out so wag na lang. Hindi pa nangyayari inuunahan na natin.

Eh kung may kaibigan ka or someone you care about na walang bilib sa sarili nila, anong sasabihin mo sa kanya? Sasabihin mo ba na, “Ah oo hindi mo talaga yan kaya tigilan mo na yan.” Hindi naman diba. Diba you will try to encourage them. Give them a pep talk. So why not do that to ourselves? Bakit ang mean natin sa sarili natin? Ang bilis natin i-down yung mga sarili natin. We should be friends with ourselves. Best friends.

Okay so bukod sa mga sarili natin, eto pa raw yung ibang pinanggagalingan ng mga problema natin.

Many of our problems [also] come from having too much: rapid technological disruption, junk food, traditions that tell us the way we’re supposed to live our lives. We’re soft, entitled, and scared of conflict. Great times are great softeners. Abundance can be its own obstacle, as many people can attest.

One hundred percent.

• View obstacles in an objective manner and break them logically

Naalala ko yung sinabi ni Jim sa Wake Up with Jim & Saab podcast. Something like: try solving difficult situations scientifically. Dun sa episode na yun, yung difficult situation is a heartbreak. Again, madaling sabihin. Pero try lang natin. Try to put things in perspective. See the bigger picture. And again, choose to see the good in the situation.

Our perceptions can be a source of strength or of great weakness. If we are emotional, subjective and shortsighted, we only add to our troubles.

Merong isang heartbreak na sobrang thankful ako na nangyari. Kasi I dodged a bullet. Buti na lang niloko nya ako kasi sobrang ayoko syang makasama habang buhay. Syempre hindi ko agad ‘to naisip nung time na yun pero eventually, nung na-realize ko, thankful ako sa nangyari.

Aside from heartbreaks, meron ding career troubles. At kung mataas ang pangarap mo, mas mag-expect ka na mas madaming stress at obstacles kang pagdadaanan.

When we aim high, pressure and stress obligingly come along for the ride.

So para ma-view natin ang isang obstacle objectively, kelangan natin maging chill. Kalma. Relax. Look at the clouds. Uminom ka ng tubig. Tapos saka mo himayin kung ano mang bumabagabag sa utak mo.

What such a man needs is not courage but nerve control, cool headedness. This he can get only by practice.

Theodore Roosevelt

Sample daw of things that can pull you into the present moment:

– strenuous exercise
– unplugging
– a walk in the park
– meditation
– getting a cat

It doesn’t matter whether this is the worst time to be alive or the best, whether you’re in a good job market or a bad one, or that the obstacle you face is intimidating or burdensome. What matters is that right now is right now.

• Minsan yun lang talaga yun. Walang ibang ibig sabihin.

Another flaw of mine: mahilig akong mag-assume. Yung wala pa, pinoproblema ko na. Or eto lang yung problema, ginagawan ko pa ng panibagong problema. Overthinker. Etong eto ako. Kaya naman nakakatulong ang pagsusulat ko dito kasi pag nilabas ko lahat sa mga taong nakapaligid sakin ang mga nasa utak ko, mao-overwhelm sila masyado. Nakakaawa naman sila.

So sabi dito sa book, sometimes, what you see is what you see. Walang ibang meaning. Walang hidden agenda. No need to read between the lines. Wag mo nang pahirapan ang sarili mo na bigyan ng ibang kahulugan yung nakikita mo.

How often do we see what we think is there or should be there, instead of what actually is there?

Since overthinker nga ako, sakin parang lahat may meaning. Masyado akong madamdamin. Kelangan kong i-improve ‘to. Don’t take things personally.

For all species other than us humans, things just are what they are. Our problem is that we’re always trying to figure out what things mean—why things are the way they are. As though the why matters. Emerson put it best: “We cannot spend the day in explanation.”

• Action action action

After natin maintindihan ang pinanggagalingan ng mga stress, problema, sufferings natin, eto na yung para sakin ay yung pinakamahirap. The discipline of action. Hindi naman pwedeng alam natin yung gagawin pero wala naman tayong gagawin. Useless yung pagmumuni-muni natin kung walang action.

Eto yung kelangan ng self-control. Kasi ang daling ipagpabukas na lang. Nakaka-tempt sabihin na mamaya na lang, next year na lang.

Life can be frustrating. Oftentimes we know what our problems are. We may even know what to do about them. But we fear that taking action is too risky, that we don’t have the experience or that it’s not how we pictured it or because it’s too expensive, because it’s too soon, because we think something better might come along, because it might not work. And you know what happens as a result? Nothing. We do nothing.

We tell ourselves that we’ll get started once the conditions are right (huhu yes), or once we’re sure we can trust this or that. When, really, it’d be better to focus on making due with what we’ve got. On focusing on results instead of pretty methods.

Relateee. Maganda yung napanood ko sa Netflix yung The Mind Explained. Yung episode 1. Yung about focus. Eto yung notes ko dun sa episode na yun:

Laveht.

But in our lives, when our worst instincts are in control, we dally. We don’t act like Demosthenes, we act frail and are powerless to make ourselves better. We may be able to articulate a problem, even potential solutions, but then weeks, months, or sometimes years later, the problem is still there. Or it’s gotten worse. As though we expect someone else to handle it, as though we honestly believe that there is a chance of obstacles unobstacle-ing themselves.

We often assume that the world moves at our leisure. We delay when we should initiate. We jog when we should be running or, better yet, sprinting.

Last about action:

…genius often really is just persistence in disguise.

Ganda!

Endurance and persistence are qualities that can set you apart.

Eto ang kulang sakin. As mentioned nung una, ang dali kong ma-bore at madistract. Parang eto na, eager ka na magsimula, excited yung utak mo sa possibilities, you take the first step, everything is going so well. Hanggang dadating yung point na bumababa na yung excitement, nawawala na yung eagerness, tapos yun. Wala na. Parang ilang beses na ‘to nangyari sakin. I need to be better in this aspect.

To do great things, we need to be able to endure tragedy and setbacks. We’ve got to love what we do and all that it entails, good and bad.

• Your energy is renewable

Eto naman yung mga ideas or advice na makakatulong satin to take action. It’s about conserving energy and using it efficiently. At pag feeling natin na ubos na tayo, remember that it can be replenished.

We craft our spiritual strength through physical exercise, and our physical hardiness through mental practice (mens sana in corpore sano—sound mind in a strong body).

An important caveat is that we are not born with such a structure; it must be built and actively reinforced. During the good times, we strengthen ourselves and our bodies so that during the difficult times, we can depend on it. We protect our inner fortress so it may protect us.

I think what I’m trying to say here is take care of your body and your mind. We already know this but this is a reminder. Kasi pano natin magagawa yung mga binanggit sa taas kung wala tayo sa tamang kondisyon.

In other words: It’s supposed to be hard. Your first attempts aren’t going to work. It’s going to take a lot out of you—but energy is an asset we can always find more of. It’s a renewable resource. Stop looking for an epiphany, and start looking for weak points. Stop looking for angels, and start looking for angles. There are options.

• Be creative in tackling battles but also, know when to readjust your focus

Another advantage when you know how to introspect is that it can help you determine if it’s still worth it to continue; or if we just need to think of non-traditional solutions. Parang eto yung kabaliktaran nung “what you see is what you see”. If hindi mag-work yun, baka kelangan na natin syang tingnan in a different angle.

In fact, the best way to get what we want might be to reexamine those desires in the first place. Or it might be to aim for something else entirely.

We wrongly assume that moving forward is the only way to progress, the only way we can win. Sometimes, staying put, going sideways, or moving backward is actually the best way to eliminate what blocks or impedes your path. There is a certain humility required in the approach. It means accepting that the way you originally wanted to do things is not possible. You just haven’t got it in you to do it the “traditional” way. But so what?

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After lahat ng mga sinabi ko dito, I think this entire book can be summarized into this one short phrase:

First, see clearly. Next, act correctly. Finally, endure and accept the world as it is.

REVIEW [3 🌟}

Tinatamad akong gawan ‘to ng book report kasi alam kong hindi ko ‘to masyadong nagustuhan. Haha pero ang daming nasabi?? Dami kasing magagandang quotes. Na-appreciate ko naman yung message na gusto nyang iparating. Hindi ko lang gusto yung tone nung writing nya. Medyo vague at too in-your-face. Parang, “Kung hindi mo kayang gawin ‘tong mga sinasabi ko, loser ka. Ang weak mo. Superior ako.” Parang ganun yung tone.

Kaya I tried na magbigay ng specific examples nung ginagawa ko ‘tong report and ininterpret ko sya in a way na mas maiintindihan at maa-apply ko in an easier way.

Sa dami ng quotes na sinama ko dito, I will end the review portion with this quote:

We often ask, “What is the meaning of life?” As though it is someone else’s responsibility to tell you. Instead, he said, the world is asking you that question. And it’s your job to answer with your actions.

OTHER QUOTES

Where one person sees a crisis, another can see opportunity. Where one is blinded by success, another sees reality with ruthless objectivity.

Choose not to be harmed—and you won’t feel harmed. Don’t feel harmed—and you haven’t been.

Marcus Aurelius

Would you have a great empire? Rule over yourself.

Publilius Syrus

Don’t let the force of an impression when it first hit you knock you off your feet; just say to it: Hold on a moment; let me see who you are and what you represent. Let me put you to the test.

Epictetus

In The Book of Five Rings, he notes the difference between observing and perceiving. The perceiving eye is weak, he wrote; the observing eye is strong. Musashi understood that the observing eye sees simply what is there. The perceiving eye sees more than what is there.

…every human being has the freedom to change at any instant.

Fear is debilitating, distracting, tiring, and often irrational. Pericles understood this completely, and he was able to use the power of perspective to defeat it.

Everything changed for Clooney when he tried a new perspective. He realized that casting is an obstacle for producers, too—they need to find somebody, and they’re all hoping that the next person to walk in the room is the right somebody. Auditions were a chance to solve their problem, not his.

Our critics and naysayers who make us feel small, let’s put them in their proper place. It’s so much better to see things as they truly, actually are, not as we’ve made them in our minds.

…grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change The courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference.

It doesn’t matter whether this is the worst time to be alive or the best, whether you’re in a good job market or a bad one, or that the obstacle you face is intimidating or burdensome. What matters is that right now is right now.

Genius is the ability to put into effect what is in your mind. There’s no other definition of it.

F. Scott Fitzgerald

While you’re sleeping, traveling, attending meetings, or messing around online, the same thing is happening to you. You’re going soft. You’re not aggressive enough. You’re not pressing ahead. You’ve got a million reasons why you can’t move at a faster pace. This all makes the obstacles in your life loom very large.

For most of what we attempt in life, chops are not the issue. We’re usually skilled and knowledgeable and capable enough. But do we have the patience to refine our idea? The energy to beat on enough doors until we find investors or supporters? The persistence to slog through the politics and drama of working with a group?

Epictetus: “persist and resist.” Persist in your efforts. Resist giving in to distraction, discouragement, or disorder.

What is defeat? Nothing but education; nothing but the first steps to something better.

Wendell Phillips

Steve Jobs cared even about the inside of his products, making sure they were beautifully designed even though the users would never see them. Taught by his father—who finished even the back of his cabinets though they would be hidden against the wall—to think like a craftsman. In every design predicament, Jobs knew his marching orders: Respect the craft and make something beautiful.

In the meantime, cling tooth and nail to the following rule: not to give in to adversity, not to trust prosperity, and always take full note of fortune’s habit of behaving just as she pleases.

Seneca

If someone we knew took traffic signals personally, we would judge them insane. Yet this is exactly what life is doing to us. It tells us to come to a stop here. Or that some intersection is blocked or that a particular road has been rerouted through an inconvenient detour. We can’t argue or yell this problem away. We simply accept it. That is not to say we allow it to prevent us from reaching our ultimate destination. But it does change the way we travel to get there and the duration of the trip.

A great pep talk:

Because (a) you’re robust and resilient enough to handle whatever occurs, (b) you can’t do anything about it anyway, and (c) you’re looking at a big-enough picture and long-enough time line that whatever you have to accept is still only a negligible blip on the way to your goal.

Memento mori, the Romans would remind themselves. Remember you are mortal. It seems weird to think that we’d forget this or need to be reminded of it, but clearly we do. Part of the reason we have so much trouble with acceptance is because our relationship with our own existence is totally messed up. We may not say it, but deep down we act and behave like we’re invincible. Like we’re impervious to the trials and tribulations of mortality. That stuff happens to other people, not to ME. I have plenty of time left.

We forget how light our grip on life really is. Otherwise, we wouldn’t spend so much time obsessing over trivialities, or trying to become famous, make more money than we could ever spend in our lifetime, or make plans far off in the future. All of these are negated by death.

To be sure, no one is saying you’ve got to do it all at once. Margaret Thatcher didn’t become known as the Iron Lady until she was sixty years old. There’s a saying in Latin: Vires acquirit eundo (We gather strength as we go). That’s how it works. That’s our motto.