Gleniz da MenaceNalaman ko na nagbabasa pala ng blog ko ang mga tita ko. Hello Ate Bengsya and Ate Gigi (at kung sino pang family member na hindi ako aware) 😅 I didn’t expect na magiging interested silang magbasa ng mga sinusulat ko, kaya naman yung mga bagay na hindi pa dapat nila malaman, nagkakaron na pala sila ng idea. Nakakatawa tuloy yung mga theories nila.
I started drafting this entry nung beginning of June pa lang. Ang saya pa ng tone nung pagkakasulat ko that time. I even claimed this year to be one of the best ones. But after just a month, it went from being one of the best to one of the worst.
May nagtanong sakin dati, bakit ako komportable magkwento dito whether nakakahiya, nakaka-proud, nakaka-conscious, nakakalungkot, etc. Kasi parang ang hirap daw. Bakit daw ang dali lang sakin. Wala akong instant na naisagot. Kasi for the longest time, I just write without actually questioning it.
Feb 15-19
Halos buong araw nasa bahay lang ako ng lola ko. May pa-going away lunch for Mclein at AJ kasi pabalik na silang Canada. As usual, super iyak ang Mommy hehe.
I have found my people! I am so happy that my choices led me to finding them. I invited my online-to-real friend, Xiao, for brunch to thank her for helping me with Almond’s trip to Canada. Tapos sakto, merong stamp caravan event sa favorite stationery store ko (26 Market)—na malapit lang dun sa brunch place. We went to the stationery store after eating. There, I met a few fellow journalers. One thing led to another, and I got invited to join their bi-weekly planner hangout.
I’ve been tinkering on this blog post for some time now. The thoughts are concrete in my mind, but I find it challenging to put them into words. I know that I have to have it written just in case my mind wanders too much or get confused. Finally I finished it and here it is:
Through reading books and listening to intellectual conversations on podcasts, I’ve often encountered questions like, “What is your purpose?” “What’s your ikigai?” “What is your life’s mission? Your vocation?” They highlighted how important it is to have an answer, but these questions leave me stunned and speechless because I really don’t know. I envy those who have figured out theirs and are actively pursuing it.
I feel like it’s easier for some people. Kenneth, for example, is very serious about his career, so I believe what keeps him going for now is to climb the corporate ladder and provide for our small furry family. For mothers, it’s to be a good mom and raise well-adjusted kids. For religious people, it’s to serve God. For someone like me who isn’t focused on career advancement, isn’t a mom, does not have a religion, it’s quite hard. I feel like I’m at a disadvantage figuring this out. But I thought, maybe I just need some time. And indeed, time is what I needed.
Ramdam ko yung init sa ulo at katawan ko. Badtrip na badtrip ako sa unit sa taas namin. Kalabog ng kalabog! This is a common occurrence pero first time kong pumatol at pukpukin ng stick yung kisame namin para ipaalam na ang ingay nila. Btw, my period is approaching which clearly explains my behavior.
Feb 10-14
Few months ago, pinapapili ko ang Papa kung uuwi ako sa 60th birthday nya, or uuwi ako ng Pasko. Mahagad kasi masyado kung twice ako uuwi this year. Sabi nya Pasko na lang daw ako umuwi. Lahat kasi ng relatives namin na nasa abroad ay uuwi ng Pasko, so parang ang gustong sabihin ng Papa ay mas sulit kung Pasko ako uuwi.
After some weeks, tinatanong ko kung anong gusto nyang regalo. Ang sagot nya, “Gusto ko ay nandito ka.” Tina-try nyang sabihin in a joking manner pero alam kong he means it. Ang hindi nya alam, uuwi talaga ko sa birthday nya kasi hindi ko matiis na hindi umuwi huhuhu.
February 5-9
Dumiretso kaming Glorietta pagkasundo nila sakin sa airport. Nung naglalakad na kami sa loob, it was pure nostalgia. Pagkakita ko sa Burger King, naalala ko yung isang date namin ni Kenneth na kakagaling lang namin sa away kaya bad mood pa rin ako. Nakita ko rin yung Mcdo, na lagi kong binibilhan ng chocolate cake na sobrang sarap. Pizza at lasagna ng Shakeys. Food court!! *buntong hininga habang nakapikit* Ang daming memories 🤍
Feb 5, 2024
Everything on this list happened all in one day.
My PH trip! Pangatlo ko na ‘tong uwi simula nung nag-migrate kami nung 2018. Ito rin yung pinakamatagal, one and a half months. Ang happy sa feeling habang bumabyahe kami pauwi sa probinsya namin. Busog yung mga mata ko sa mga sightings na dati na, pero feeling bago ulit.
Gleniz da Menace