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Category: Life
In dark moments, it’s important to welcome every bit of light that makes its way in.
ILY Mommy
More than two weeks na ang Mommy (lola sa Mama’s side) sa ospital. There were bad days, and not-so-bad days. Yung ibang kamaganak namin, ang madalas na tanong sa Mommy ay, “Uuwi na tayo?” kahit super unknown pa naman kung kelan talaga makakauwi ang Mommy. Feeling ko nakukulitan na ang Mommy kasi paulit-ulit na uuwi raw pero hindi naman nangyayare. Hindi nya pa kayang magsalita, pero sa mga times na nasa mood sya or may energy syang mag-respond, tumatango lang sya or umiiling. And if we’re lucky, she smiles 🥹
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Bilis ng mga pangyayari. Shocked pa ko na nasa Pilipinas ako ngayon. Parang may mali. Kasi hindi pa naman talaga ako dapat uuwi. Sa July pa ang grand family reunion namin. Kaso may mga bagay talaga na hindi maiiwasan. Ilang taon ko na rin ‘tong pinaghahandaan kasi matanda na rin ang Mommy (lola ko, nanay ng Mama). May mga times na bigla na lang papasok sa isip ko, pano kung magkasakit ang Mommy ng malala? Dapat ready akong umuwi habang medyo okay pa sya, at kaya ko pa syang alagaan bago sya kunin ng universe. Ayokong uuwi lang ako kung kelan huli na. And with her current health status, kelangan ko na talagang umuwi.
Mommy is not just my lola, second nanay ko talaga sya. Sobrang spoiled naming magkakapatid sa kanya, lalo na nung kami-kami pa lang ang mga apo nila. Kaming dalwa ng Kuya ang kanilang unang apos ng Daddy. Unang apong lalake, unang apong babae. Strict sya at medyo mataray, pero sobrang maalaga at mapagbigay. Punong puno ang childhood memories ko with Mommy. Lagi nya kong kabuntot. Sorry muna sa Mama, pero mas ramdam ko yung presence nya nung bata pa ko. Yung pag inaayusan nya ko ng buhok, yung mga times na sya ang nagpapaligo sakin (which I hate kasi sobra syang magkuskos ng buhok ko), sya rin ang punong abala sa pagpapatahi ng damit ko pag may activity sa school, extra baon, pag-enroll sa piano classes, pagkuha ng Math tutor, sobrang involved nya sa lahat ng aspeto ng buhay ko. Since medyo bata ang Mama nung nabuntis sya samin, nado-dominate ng Mommy noon yung pagpapalaki samin. Kaya pag sinabi kong ang Mommy ang pangalwang ina namin, I say it in the most literal sense.
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“Ang Lalandi Nyo!”
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Super kinilig ako nung dumating si Kenneth from his 3-week vacation. Pagbigyan nyo na ko dahil minsan lang kami ganito. Kasama ko pagsundo sa airport yung isa naming couple friend (thanks for volunteering sa pagsundo kay Kenneth!) Nung tinanong nila ko ng, “Excited ka na?” Nagpakipot pa ko. Sabi ko sa mga pasalubong ni Kenneth ako excited. Pagdating namin sa airport, nakita ko na sya agad. Pagsakay ni Kenneth sa sasakyan, kausap ko si Kosh tapos si Kenneth nakanguso na. Eh parang nahiya naman ako na kinakausap pa ko tapos bigla kaming sweet-sweetan sa harap nya. Ilang seconds lang naman tapos pinansin ko na rin si Kenneth. Sabi ko, “Hiii.” tapos sabi nya, “Hiiii.” Tapos parang tinawanan kami nung dalwa. Gusto ko syang i-hug pero ewan ko bakit ba ko nahihiya dun sa dalwa haha.
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March Recap
Out of sorts ako ngayong month na ‘to. Kung ano-anong iniisip ko. Magbabakasyon kasi si Kenneth sa Pilipinas, and although I’m excited for him kasi this is the first time na uuwi sya since nag-move kami dito sa Canada 7 years ago, I will be lying kung sasabihin kong 100% excitement yung nararamdaman ko. I’m just overall worried. Plus first time kong magsosolo sa bahay at hindi ko alam kung anong i-eexpect. Sobrang maiinip ba ko? Magiging mabait ba si Kenneth? Baka may mag-break in dito sa bahay! Kenneth will be gone for 3 weeks and being alone here—especially in this new city—is a foreign concept to me.
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Q1 Expenses | Magastos Months
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A quarter of the year has passed! Bilis! So instead of the usual weekly spend post, it’s time for our quarterly report. Looking at our numbers always excites me, which is why I’m looking forward to do this overview. Just like last time, I’ll start with the percentages, then move on to the detailed breakdown of the numbers.
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Bakit Hindi US?
From the drafts (2 years ago):
After ng oathtaking namin kahapon, may mga naisip lang akong kwento. Nung kaka-migrate pa lang namin dito sa Canada, na-wirdohan ako dun sa reaction nung isang certain friend na nasa Pilipinas. Bakit daw Canada. Bakit daw hindi US? Huh. Una, hindi ba ang normal reaction sa mga ganung sitwasyon ay, “Congrats!” or “Happy for you!” Pangalwa, coming from someone na nagbalak makapuntang Canada pero hindi naging successful, bakit may judgment? Sa isip ko, diba ikaw hindi ka nga naging okay pa-Canada tapos ita-try mo kong i-shame or ma-feel bad sa choice namin? Tsaka bakit kelangan kong i-defend yung choice namin? Weird. Minsan talaga may ma-eencounter kang mga tanong na sa sobrang unexpected, di mo alam ang isasagot. And this was coming from a super duper close friend (well, ex super duper close friend) kaya na-caught off guard ako.
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Being in my jobless era (once again), ang hirap maramdaman yung usefulness ko. Pinupuntirya nya yung ego ko. Lalo na pag nakikita kong nagta-trabaho si Kenneth? Tapos napapadalas pa yung OT nya these days? Nakaka-guilty. Ang pinipilit kong ipaintindi sa sarili ko, mas napapagaan ko yung araw-araw nya kasi mas may time akong ipagluto sya at mas nakakapaglinis ako ng bahay. But most importantly, may income naman akong natatanggap at naco-contribute. Hindi ako useless. Pero kahit it makes sense na ganito yung setup namin these days, naglalaban yung logic at guilty feelings. I blame Industrial Revolution and capitalism. Bakit pa kasi yun nauso.
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1.
I’m super happy with my current reads. So far, I’ve finished 2 books (Born a Crime and The Omnivore’s Dilemma) and both were easy 5-star reads. My goal each year is to read 1 book a month, and I’m pretty much on track.
Right now, I’m switching it up with fiction and I’m currently reading The Friend Zone by Abby Jimenez. I’m really enjoying it. The kilig is kiliging. People on the internet say that if you love Emily Henry’s books, you’ll probably like Abby Jimenez too—and it looks like they’re right. I’m picky with romance novels so I’m glad to have found another reliable author for my romance fix besides Emily Henry.
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My Favorite Love Language
As someone na ang favorite love language to receive ay words of affirmation, pakiramdam ko hindi ako ganun ka-satisfied kasi hindi natural kay Kenneth ang pagiging expressive. Napagusapan na naman namin ‘to, pero talagang may mga bagay na hindi kayang pilitin. Okay lang. Na-accept ko na. Kaya naman pag nakaka-receive ako ng compliments from other people, SOBRANG nakakataba ng puso. And because words of affirmation rarely come my way, sinunod ko yung napanood kong idea na gumawa ng album sa phone, with screenshots of messages from people expressing their appreciation and sending uplifting statements.
Gleniz da Menace 