I miss you.
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Category: Life
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Two weeks na ko dito sa Pilipinas at kakagaling ko lang sa sakit. Wala pa ko sa isang daang porsyentong lakas kasi medyo punga pa rin ako at may konting sakit ng ulo. Hindi pa rin maayos ang tulog ko. Nagigising pa rin ako ng 2AM then hindi na ko makakatulog ulit. Pati sa pagta-type ngayon hirapan ako kasi na-sprain ko yung daliri ko.
Halos kakagising ko lang at dito ako natulog sa in-laws ko. Everytime umuuwi ako na hindi ko kasama si Kenneth, I make sure na matulog dito ng ilang nights to spend time with my in-laws. Looking forward ako lagi na mag-stay dito kasi dito ako nakakabawi ng tulog. Parang ito ang aking mini spa retreat after ng mga sunod-sunod na activities with my family.
1.
Nung hinahatid pa lang ako ni Kenneth papunta sa airport, di ko talaga maramdaman yung excitement paguwi. Umiyak pa nga ako sa byahe. Hirapan pa rin akong i-accept na hindi ko makikita ang Mommy pagdating ko.
Kaming mga nasa abroad, halos sabay-sabay yung flight namin pauwi kaya medyo kagulo sa family group chat tungkol sa updates kung nasan na kami. At the same time, merong lungkot, kasi na-iimagine namin ang Mommy na nakikigulo sa sobrang excitement. Ito yung pinakahihintay nya. Na makumpleto ang mga anak nya. Pero hindi na nya naabutan.
Merong nag-message sa group chat ng, “Mommy andito na sila 😢” at “Ito ang matagal nang inaantay ng Mommy.” Hays lalo na kong naiyak.
2.
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Two days before my period, biglang bumagsak yung mood ko. That was a week ago at hindi pa rin ako nakaka-recover. I thought the mountains would cure me kasi galing kami sa bulubundukin nung weekend. For a moment yes, aliw na aliw ako sa mga bundok, lalo na at first time namin dumaan sa highway na yun so iba yung mountain views. Pero after being distracted, andun pa rin yung off feeling.
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Ramblings #54
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It’s time for the quarterly report! Akala ko talaga magiging proud ako sa quarter na ‘to pero hindi pa rin talaga tumitigil ang mga gastusin. Anong quarter kaya kami makakabawi??
Just like last time, I’ll start with the percentages, then move on to the detailed breakdown of the numbers.
EXPENSE BREAKDOWN
Again, I’ve highlighted the highest and lowest expense for each month:
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Mid-Year Check 2025
Bilis ng panahon. A lot of things happened. Winter turned into spring, tapos ngayon summer na. Met new people, wrote a lot, feelings were felt, tears were shed. There were joys and laughter too—which I badly badly needed. It’s hard to face the second half of the year without feeling a sense of fear. I just really hope our family can take a breather and wala munang mangyari na mabigat.
Each start of the year since 2021, I make a game plan for the upcoming year. I also set a theme. This year’s was:
Make maximum personal impact through simplified effort
This theme’s goal is to prevent myself from being overwhelmed and just gain more clarity. I just want to keep things simple as much as I can. Whether it’s my routine, my clothes, how I eat, or my hobbies. I intend to have more feelings of peace and less anxiety.
So far, the feelings of overwhelm I experienced this year is less than last year, so pakiramdam ko nagagawa ko naman unti-unti.
Now let’s revisit my 2025 goals:
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1.
One thing na tumutulong magpagaan ng araw-araw ko ay PBB. My big winner is Shuvee kaso na-evict na sya huhu. Dalang dala talaga ko sa mga ganaps at parang every episode na lang umiiyak ako. Nagulat rin ako paguwi ko last April kasi hindi ko alam na hooked rin pala yung mga pinsan ko sa PBB. So happy na nagkaron ako ng ka-bonding dito kasi lampake si Kenneth haha.
Skip this grey text if you don’t watch PBB:
Ngayon hindi ko na alam kung sinong duo ang gusto kong maging big winner. Gusto ko si River pero sobrang ayoko kay AZ. Okay naman si Charlie pero ayoko na kay Esnyr. Gusto ko si Will pero ayoko kay Ralph. Dati pareho kong gusto si Mika at Brent pero naayawan ko na si Brent kasi medyo rude sya kay Mika minsan.
Hindi available sa Canada yung mga full episodes ng PBB so umaasa ako sa mabubuting tao sa TikTok na few hours pa lang after the episode airs, uploaded na agad. At hindi sya yung pinaghati-hati sa ilang parts ha, full episodes talaga with decent quality! Thank youuuu!
2.
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Q2 Recap
The last few months have been very difficult—it still is—and I continue to maneuver through this extremely tricky feeling called grief. I just want to say thank you to everyone who expressed their sympathies. Whether I managed to give a decent response or not, know that it made the heaviness a little bit bearable.
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Sobrang dami kong post na hindi natatapos kaya nakatambay lang sila lahat sa drafts (93 drafts to be exact). The oldest one is from 2018! Wow 29 pa lang ako nun.
Yung iba, medyo relevant pa naman at pwede ko pang i-convert into a new post. Pero yung iba, sobrang outdated na. So naisip ko, para hindi masayang, kokolektahin ko na lang sila into one post. Binabasa ko yung iba kanina at natatawa ako dun sa mga luma kong thoughts, at yung iba naman, napapa-“Awww..” ako sa younger self ko. Parang gusto ko syang i-hug.
Prepare for ultimate randomness and intense rants:
Nov 17, 2018
Title: List #1
MGA SIMPLENG BAGAY NA NAGUSTUHAN KO DITO SA CANADA LIST:
- Hindi mabilis mapanis ang pagkain kahit nasa labas ng ref. Tanda ko sa apartment namin sa Pilipinas, pagkalutong pagkaluto ko, ref na agad. Tapos yung mga oyster sauce na nasa bote, ang daling amagin nung lid. Sobrang humid kasi lalo dun sa apartment namin. Dito naman, sobrang dry. Kung dati ang binibili namin ay dehumidifier, dito humidifier. Nakakadugo kasi ng ilong yung dry air.
Jan 2, 2019
Title: Typical Day
Kaninang lunch break nag-bbrainstorm ako. Ang hirap mag-brainstorm mag-isa. Kelan kaya ako makakahanap ng art soulmate ko. Yung super talented para madami akong matutunan sa kanya. Nowadays kase, art ang focus ko kaya yun ang gusto kong pagusapan. Kaya lang wala naman akong kilala. Madami akong nakikita pero ang creepy naman pag bigla ko na lang silang ime-message. Kahit ako maki-creepy-han pag biglang may nag-chat sakin ng “Can we be art soulmates?”
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Gleniz da Menace 