Categories
Canada Wellness

Endometriosis, Ya Boring

So inoperahan na naman ako for the 3rd time. Una appendectomy tapos laparoscopy nung endometriosis ko. Same year tong dalwa, 2015. Tapos ngayon, as expected, bumalik yung endometriosis ko so lap nanaman. Kaya nakabasyon ako ngayon ng 2 weeks. Ang daya dito kasi satin sa Pinas, 2 months ang pahinga ko non. Actually medyo looking forward ako dito sa 3rd surgery ko kasi nga bored na bored na ako sa trabaho ko gusto ko munang makawala. Ang dami kong planong gawin sa bakasyon ko pero hindi ko pa fully magawa. Sobrang weak ko pa at nangangalay ako pag hindi ako nakasandal.

8 hrs fasting

Naisipan kong mag-post ulit kasi tinag ako ni Aryan sa story nya. Nasa Japan kasi sya ngayon tapos nag-story sya nung ride sa USJ, yung favorite ko na Space Fantasy. Tas may caption na thank you daw sa blog ko. Ang tinutukoy nya eh yung Japan blog ko kasi nabanggit ko dun na unexpectedly, super nagustuhan ko yung Space Fantasy ride. So binalikan ko yung post ko na yun tapos natatawa ako kase super detailed. Nilagay ko pa dun yung mga pag-aaway namin ni Kenneth kasi naliligaw kami lagi at nung umiyak ako dahil sa collagen. Tapos, napansin ko dun sa mga posts ko, may mga comments from 2017 and 2018 ng mga tao na hindi ko kilala. Nagtatanong sila ng something about sa trip namin sa Japan kasi sila din, papuntang Japan. Natuwa ako kase may nakakadiscover pala ng blog ko at nakakatulong pala sya. Haha. Eto yung isang comment:

Haha sorry Carmel wala akong idea na may makakabasa pala ng blog ko

So na-inspire ulit akong magsulat. And na-miss ko din ilathala ang mga mundane parts ng buhay ko. Sarap din balikan paminsan-minsan.

So inoperahan na nga ako. Nakakatampo lang kasi walang nakaalala sa mga kamag-anak ko. Mas naalala pa nung mga kaibigan ko. Mama ko hindi naalala. Busyng busy sa Korea trip nila. Kaya ang lungkot ko non. Hindi ko na lang masyadong inisip baka ma-stress lang ako, makaapekto pa sa recovery ko. Pero sobrang tampo ako. SOBRA! 😀

On the bright side, super thankful ako kay Kenneth. Grabe sobrang maalaga. Nagugulat ako laging areglado ang gamot ko. Sana lagi na lang akong may sakit hindi kami nagaaway at nagkakainisan. Haha. Bukas baka magpabili ako ng Jollibee. Parang kulang ang pagkakasakit pag walang Jollibee.

Lugaw a la Kenneth. The best!

Yung mismong operation ko naman, k lang. Ibang iba nung inoperahan ako satin. Although naka-set na yung expectation ko kaya hindi na ko masyadong nag-expect ng special treatment. Dito kasi, pagka-opera, uuwi na. Hindi ka i-coconfine. Andun na kami ng 6am (2 hrs before the surgery). May isang room dun tapos pinagbihis ako dun ng gown. May binigay sakin na plastic bag para paglagyan ng damit at sapatos ko. Yung mismong operation inabot lang ng 1.5 hrs. Tapos sa recovery room, mga 2 hrs. Nung na-feel nung nurse sa recovery room na “kaya” ko na. Kahit hilo-hilo pa talaga ko at nanghihina at ang sakit pa nung tyan ko from the operation, pinalakad na ko agad. Tapos sabi ni ate, “I think she’ll need a wheelchair.” Wow. May option palang wala? Tapos inabot na sakin yung plastic bag ko at pinagbihis na ko. Walang assist assist ha. Grabe walang awa.

Kachat ko si Aryen, yung friend ko na nurse din. Gulat na gulat na pinauwi ako agad. Naka-general anaesthesia daw ako tapos basta basta lang ganun. Well, matagal na nila tong sistema so wala naman akong magagawa. Talagang hindi lang ako sanay na ganito. Sobrang independent agad. Satin medyo bine-baby pa eh. Sa St. Luke’s pa ko lagi non kaya special treatment talaga. Ilang doctor ang nagrrounds sakin. Pero yun nga, libre kasi dito. Although libre din naman satin kasi may health coverage din naman from the company. Pero dito libre lahat ng Canadians at permanent residents, so almost lahat ng tao. Walang private hospitals dito, lahat government owned. So nag-create sila ng system para ma-accomodate lahat. Yun ang naiisip ko.

Friday ako inoperahan, Monday na ngayon. Wala akong ginawa kundi manood ng movies at series. Throwback Sunday ako kahapon kasi yung mga pinanood ko: Clueless, Wild Child, Matilda at Nanny Mcphee. Tapos nung minsan naman marathon ng Brooklyn 99. Kaya ayan yung title: ya boring. Ang funny at cute cute ni Amy Santiago. Ngayon naman Lucifer ang minamarathon namin. Sana mas productive na ko sa mga susunod na days. Napapagod na kong umupo at humiga. Ang sakit sakit na din ng pwet ko parang magkaka bed sore na ko. Naglalakad lakad naman ako kaso nakakangalay sa likod. Hindi ako makatuwid ng likod sumasakit yung tahi. Tapos parang dumugo pa nung minsan. Ayun.

Paul Rudd. Hihi.

PS:

In a couple of years, possible ulit bumalik yung endometriosis ko kase, that’s just how it is. Bastos kasi tong endometriosis na to eh. I-Google nyo at mababasa nyo na unknown cause, no treatment. Iba din.

 

Categories
Canada Career Wellness

Nosebleed + Potential First Day

Nino-nose bleed ako dito sa Canada. As in literal na nosebleed. Nung una di ko pinapansin pero nung dumadalas sinearch ko na kay bff Google. Ayun na nga. Gawa daw sa dry at malamig na hangin. Nothing to worry naman daw. Pero iniisip ko kung bibili akong humidifier. Samantalang dati dehumidifier ang binibili namin kasi masyadong humid sa loob ng apartment ang daling masira at mabulok ng mga pagkain. Dito kahit ilang araw nasa pantry ang ulam hindi napapanis. Amazing.

Start na ko bukas sa trabaho pero hanggang ngayon, ayoko pa din i-assume na totoo na talaga. Kahit pumirma na ko at lahat, parang ayaw ko pa din maniwala. Ayaw ko kase madisappoint kaya naiisip ko lahat ng possibilities. Na baka nagkamali lang sila tapos pagdating ko dun biglang, “I’m sorry but I don’t see your name in our list.” Ay baka mamura ko siya. Pero Tagalog para di nya gets. Kaya bukas, maniniwala lang ako na tanggap na talaga ko pag andun na ko sa mismong loob at nagsisimula na ang training. Hay sana talaga. Excited na talaga ko sumweldo.

These past few days ako ay iritable sa isang person na to kaya gustong gusto ko na mag-blog para maglabas ng sama ng loob. Nakakatulong kasi talaga. Di ko kasi magets personality nya parang aning. Kahit matagal-tagal na din kaming friends (frenemy?) para talaga syang ewan. Pero ang maganda naman, naka-move on na ko. Kaya parang di ko na feel i-kwento ang mga nangyari. Basta ako ay looking forward bukas at sa future.

Categories
Art Wellness

Art Day Fun Day + I’ll Be Careful on October 2020

I originally wanted to study Interior Design (Accountancy being the runner up) but ended up studying Nursing to grant my family’s wishes. I can’t study Interior Design anyway since I already made up my mind that I won’t study in Manila because of my then boyfriend (LDR issues). Love can really be limiting sometimes. I took up nursing to please my parents but mainly to challenge myself because they all said that Nursing is a very difficult course. I wanted to prove to them that I can do it and that I can easily pass the board exam (puro yabang). And pass I did. But who am I kidding, really.  Joke’s on me because I could have studied something that I really wanted but I ended up studying something else.

Even if being a nurse delayed my plans to pursue my true love (being artsy and creative), I didn’t regret it. I didn’t regret the people that I met and the experience of working in a hospital. But I promised myself that that would be the last time I will listen to other people on what I should and shouldn’t do; the last time that I will let my ego take the best of me just to prove to other people that I can do this and that, even if those things doesn’t really interest me.

That’s a long intro. I just wanted to share what happened last week. πŸ˜„ I attended a free workshop from Valerie Chua (one of my inspirations) called Essential Watercolor Tricks. I felt so lucky to be a part of that workshop. She’s really good in explaining the step by step process, plus I like that she’s kind of “kalog” as well which made her less intimidating. Then I was able to meet Abbey Sy too (another inspo)! It was a great event and I received a lot of freebies. Hihi. But the main highlight is really being able to meet Valerie and learning from her. She even replied to my IG story thanking me for being there at the event. *kilig* Okay, that’s enough fan girling.

So after that event in Shang, we (Kenneth) went straight to Burgos Circle to attend another workshop (not free). It’s about brush calligraphy this time and it’s with Paolo Tugano. We (Dyn) were able to learn a different font (he corrected me and said that the correct term is letter form, not font). One activity that I suggested is I’ll write a quote using my own style and layout then he’ll rewrite it using his own style. Here’s his creation:

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My favorite quote at the moment

He was so good. I didn’t even bother to take a picture of what I did. πŸ˜… But Art Day Fun Day didn’t stop there. Out last stop is at BGC Art Mart to checkout some handmade goodies. Booths lined up with artists selling their creations (shirts, toys, paintings, etc.). I bought some cute washi tapes for my journal.

Something else happened. Right in the middle of my watercolor workshop, I felt this stinging pain in my right upper abdomen. I just kept ignoring it because I’m having a hard time focusing on what Valerie is trying to teach us. I figured I was just hungry because the only thing I ate is a hotdog and a bite of brownie and it’s already 4PM. I asked Kenneth to buy me shawarma. I didn’t wait until the end of the workshop to eat it, thinking that food will relieve the pain. We came home at around 9PM and the pain is still there. Before sleeping, I rubbed some Vicks (naturally πŸ˜‚) on my belly and tried to sleep the pain away. When I woke up in the morning, the first thing I noticed is that the pain is still there. I’m beginning to worry because I’ve never experience this before. I knew something was wrong.

I asked Kenneth to bring me to the ER so I can have an ultrasound and get this thing diagnosed. Turns out, I have calculus gallbladder (stones in my gallbladder). Another surgery? Please, not again! I underwent bilateral oophorecystectomy (December 2016) and open appendectomy (April 2015) already. Please please I don’t want another surgery. But unfortunately, I have no other choice. The only treatment for gall stones is to remove my gallbladder. I felt really sad and started to pity myself. I was like, “Ang weak ko. Feeling ko mabilis akong mamamatay kase andaming aberya ng katawan ko, kung ano-anong tumutubo sa loob.” But talking to Arien turned out to be therapeutic. She told a story about their 90-year old patient who underwent a lot of surgeries in her lifetime. The patient even joked, “Wala na nga akong lamang loob.” That made me chuckle and made me feel a bit better. I’m planning to have the surgery done on January next year. Hays.

I also discovered something really weird. I checked out the “On This Day” section of my Facebook and I saw that:

  • Oct 22, 2011 – I discovered that I needed to wear eyeglasses. Okay sure, no biggie. But I still find it a hassle wearing glasses.
  • Oct 22, 2014 – I posted a photo of myself showing my stitched wound that I got from a snatcher’s knife. Still the most traumatizing thing that ever happened to me.
  • Oct 22, 2017 – Yesterday. The day I found out that I need another surgery. Grrr!

These dates are exactly 3 years apart. I’m beginning to think what will happen to me on October 2020. This coincidence is so weird and scary!

Categories
Insights Life

Muniba Mazari

When I got home from the Korean Embassy for our visa application (sobrang haba ng pila!), I stumbled upon this Goalcast video where a woman in a wheelchair is making a motivational speech. Her name is Muniba Mazari. I was completely blown away by her strength and optimism despite countless misfortunes that I found myself getting teary eyed while watching  her tell her life story.  Her words resonated with me and made feel really inspired.

That day I decided that I’m going to live my life for myself. I am not going to be that perfect person for someone. I am just going to take this moment and I will make it perfect for myself.

Embrace each and every breath that you are taking. Celebrate your life. Live it. Don’t die before your death.

Here is a woman, who was forced by her parents to be married at a young age. A woman who sustained several injuries after a car accident that made her paraplegic and unable to bear any child; but then I look at her, and see a woman who is truly unbreakable. I felt guilty for those days when I complain too much; whether be it about my job, my relationships, and life in general.

But now I’m feeling so inspired and somewhat contented on where I am in my life at the moment. Just because some things aren’t within my reach right now, it doesn’t mean that it will stay that way forever. Unless I let it.

muniba-mazari-story2-1

Thanks to Muniba for giving me that needed push. And as they say, “You do you.”