In the beginning part of the book, the author discussed how our society, our culture, our families and relationships shape our beliefs and identities. That we didn’t have a choice when we were little. And now that we’re older, he is challenging us to question these beliefs/practices or these “agreements”.
Another thing he talked about is how sometimes people just go with the flow to gain approval in order to have a sense of belongingness. Which is a natural thing for humans. Sabi nga ni Aristotle, we are social animals. But he also challenges that. Like saying no if we want to say no. Or attempting to ask even if it meant rejection.
For about 3 weeks now, I have been spending a lot of time away from social media. So ang dami kong na-free up na time. And ang naging result non ay ang dami kong nabasang libro (mostly non-fiction), ang dami kong na-encounter na YT videos na thought-provoking, at eto, ang dalas ko na lalo magsulat sa blog ko. I try to minimize muna yung panonood ko ng mga videos na ang sole purpose ay mag-entertain. Ewan ko. Feel na feel ko lang ang self-improvement these past few weeks. Why not.
So naisip kong mag-list ng four videos na nagkaron ng magandang contribution sa buhay ko recently. Parang ang naging theme netong November sakin ay self-awareness and self-improvement. Na feeling ko mawiwirdohan yung mga may kilala sakin kasi medyo not very like me. Nevertheless, nagsimula ‘to sa first YT video on this list:
JENN IM | 10 Books You Need to Read
So dito nga nagsimula ang lahat. Feeling ko kung hindi sya YouTuber, ang galing nyang saleswoman. Bentang benta sakin lahat ng books na ni-recommend nya. I’m sure naka-encounter na kayo ng YouTuber na annoying pero hindi sya ganon. Ang totoo nya lang magsalita and yung perkiness nya sa videos is just the right amount.
Kaya din ako na-attract sa channel nya kase may mix of cooking, life tips, self-reflection and yun nga, book recommendations. I think yung pinaka-nagustuhan ko sa kanya eh yung vulnerability nya. Dahil sa video na ‘to, binasa ko agad yung Digital Minimalism and as mentioned a couple of times already dito sa blog ko, life-changing sya for me. At kaya rin ako nakagawa ng 5-part review (more like a book report) about sa book na yon. You can read it here.
2. ANNA AKANA | 5 Things to Stop Bragging About
Super nakakatawa ‘to. This video is a double-edged sword. Ang dami kong kilalang ganito pero at the same time, natamaan din ako dun sa isang minention nya. Nagagawa ko pala yun minsan and salamat dito kasi mas naging aware ako 😅
Yung na-attack ako is one-upping yung sinabi sakin ng kausap ko. Pero hindi ko nari-realize na ganun pala yung effect and wala sa consciousness ko na nilalamangan ko yung sinasabi nya sakin. Yung tumatakbo kasi sa isip ko pag ganun is, “Ay relate ako jan. Eto naman sakin blah blah…” Yun na kasi yung default response ko for the longest time and gusto ko lang din mai-share sa kanya yung similar experience ko. Pero. Natutunan ko nang mag-shut up. Gine-gauge ko na lang din yung conversation na, “Okay, this is her moment. Hindi ko kailangan laging isingit yung thing ko.” Una ko ‘tong na-realize nung may gumawa din sakin nito. Ang annoying pala 🤣
Yung isang nakakatawa is yung bragging about something na wala sya pero meron syang kakilala na may ganun. Ilang beses ko na ‘to na-encounter at natatawa ko pero yung iba nakakaasar. I have 3 examples:
Niyayabang nya na ang laking kumita nung kakilala nya and the way nyang i-kwento is parang sya yung kumikita ng malaki. And nung time na naguusap kami, ang irrelevant na ikwento nya ‘yon kasi hindi naman napunta dun ang usapan. Gusto nya lang iyabang yung kinikita ng officemate nya with the intention of impressing us. Although na-impress nga ako. Hahaha. Pero later na-realize ko, ang labo nung ginagawa nya. So isa ‘yon.
Yung isa naman is something about sa gadgets. Bumili kami ng robo vacuum. Tapos sabi sakin nung isa, “Ah yung sa kakilala ko may WiFi capabilities yung robo vacuum nila tapos naka-program yung layout ng buong bahay nila.” Eh di wow.
And yung isang pinaka naasar ako kasi may pagka-personal. Pero lipas na naman ‘to. Bigla ko lang naalala nung napanood ko yung video. Yung friend ko sa Pinas nagtanong sakin kung bakit daw kami sa Canada nag-migrate and hindi sa US. Na-bring up kasi sa conversation namin yung common friend namin na nasa US and siguro ang nasa isip nya ay, “US is the place to be! US or nothing!” So parang ang yabang pero yung friend naman namin ang nasa US hindi sya. And mase-sense mo kasi kung tinanong lang nya for informational purposes or may ini-insinuate kasi sa phone kami magkausap, so dinig ko yung tone of voice. May malicious intent. Ayun haha. Hindi ko maiwasang hindi ma-offend. Eh ano naman kung Canada? Eh ano kung US? Eh ano kung Dubai, UK, Singapore or kahit saang bansa pa yan? Eh sa eto yung posible samin eh. And sobra sobrang grateful kami dun. Hindi ko naman sya pinapakelaman sa gusto nya. Sabi nga ni Jonel kay De Lima, “Walang basagan ng trip.”
Okay masyado na kong na-carried away. Hahaha. Good vibes lang dapat eh. Eh kahit gano naman kadaming self-help books ang basahin ko, tao lang naman tayo. Mahina din. “At least I’m tryinggg” 🎵 (to the tune of ‘this is me trying’ by Taylor Swift).
3. ALI ABDAAL | How Stoicism Made Me Happier
Unlike the two videos above na very conversational and parang barkada lang yung kausap, etong third YouTuber is yung mga tipo ng tao na marinig mo pa lang magsalita, alam mo nang henyo. Pag ganito yung mga kausap ko mai-intimidate agad ako. At doctor din kasi sya so medyo technical din syang magsalita. Plus nakatulong din yung British accent nya. 😂
So yung diniscuss dito is about the principles of Stoicism. Na encounter ko na yung word na ‘stoic’ nung college student ako. Parang nabanggit sya as isang symptom of a mental condition. Hindi ko alam na ginagamit din pala sya as something na philosophical.
As discussed sa video, it’s about not focusing on things we cannot control but instead focusing on the things that we can. I’m sure we’ve encountered this phrase before. Pero may mga times lang talaga na kahit alam mong sobrang tama nung sinabi, walang masyadong dating sayo so nalilimutan mo agad. It’s either hindi ganun ka-impactful yung pagkakasabi or you just choose to snub the thought in that moment. But there are times that it just hits you. Like now. Pwedeng kasi sobrang engaging lang talaga nung nagsabi or kasi kelangan mo yung advice na ‘yon right at that moment kaya mas madaling i-absorb.
So siguro nung pinanood ko ‘to kanina, nasa mental state ako na accepting yung utak ko and siguro kasi napapanahon din. Gusto ko yung part na, may mga times daw talaga na we cannot control our initial reaction and they call it ‘proto-passion’. Diba pang matalino.
So for example nasira ng pusa ko yung cable ng charger ko. Nginatngat nya tapos naputol (nangyari pala talaga ‘to). Ang proto-passion ko is “Waaaa anong ginawa mo??” Pero after non matatawa na lang ako and hindi ko naman ip-punish yung pusa ko. So proto-passions (gustong gusto ko na talagang gamitin yung word) are okay. It’s something involuntary and natural. Pero your action after that involuntary reaction is the one that matters. Kasi meron ka nang choice after non. Choice mo bang magalit o kumalma? Choice mo bang dibdibin o intindihin? Pero sa mga extreme situations mahirap ‘to i-apply.
Another principle na sobrang tumama:
We suffer more in our imagination than in reality.
Seneca
I am an overthinker. That’s why therapeutic sakin ‘tong blog kasi naiilabas ko kahit anong gusto ko. More than a decade ko na ‘tong ginagawa and nakatulong talaga sya sa mga moments na malungkot ako or anxious ako.
Pero ngayon, iniiwasan ko nang maging overthinker and I think successful naman. Thank you sa mga librong nabasa ko at sa mga videos na napanood ko this November. Kaya mahilig din akong mag-share ng mga kung ano-ano kasi baka kelangan din ng iba.
4. TED | The Power of Vulnerability by Brené Brown
So this one is a TED Talk. I suggest listening to their podcast as well for other powerful talks like this and if you enjoy tech and science-y stuff like I do.
So Brené Brown talks about how vulnerability will connect us and free us. Vulnerability in a sense that she encourages us to speak our truth and have the courage to show our imperfections no matter how vulnerable it makes us feel. Because there is beauty in vulnerability. My favorite quote from her talk:
I know that vulnerability is kind of the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness. But it appears that it’s also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.
Sobrang entertaining and engaging pati nyang magsalita. Kung may favorite ako sa mga videos na napanood ko recently, eto ‘yon.
The fact na naisip kong basahin ‘to, ibig sabihin andun na yung desire ko na i-improve yung good habits ko and i-eliminate as much as possible yung bad. Pero the beginning part of the book still provides more encouragement to increase your desire to improve. And gusto ko yun kasi once I implement the steps, mas may conviction behind it. Mas mapapangatawanan ko kumbaga.
Madaming tips and strategies yung book para ma-cultivate yung good habits. Madami ring examples pero of course, some or most of the examples wouldn’t apply to my life. So kelangan ng extra effort para makaisip ka ng iba-ibang ways para ma-apply yung strategies na yon sa buhay mo mismo.
THINGS I LEARNED:
Link your identity to the good habits
You might start a habit because of motivation, but the only reason you’ll stick with one is that it becomes part of your identity.
I think eto yung pinakang tumatak sakin. Kase everytime na maf-frustrate ako sa sarili ko kasi hindi ko nagagawa yung mga sinasabi kong gagawin ko, yung internal monologue ko lagi is, “Wala, ganito na talaga ako. Procrastinator talaga ako. Sa una lang ako magaling.” I identified myself as lazy. When in truth, our identities are not set in stone sabi nga dun sa book. We can edit our identities. Hindi naman ‘to touch move. We can improve. Hindi pwede yung mags-settle na lang ako dun sa paulit ulit kong sinasabi na tamad ako. May choice akong baguhin yung identity ko for the better and stop making excuses like, “Ganito na kasi talaga ko.”
You may want more money, but if your identity is someone who consumes rather than creates, then you’ll continue to be pulled toward spending rather than earning. You may want better health, but if you continue to prioritize comfort over accomplishment, you’ll be drawn to relaxing rather than training.
So tapos ko na yung book. Nalito pa ko kasi nakalagay dun sa Kindle 64% done pa lang ako tapos pag-flip ko ng page, Acknowledgements na. Super dami palang notes sa huli and references kaya akala medyo matagal ko pa matatapos.
Since madami na din akong nasabi about sa book na ‘to, meron pa kong mga extras na gustong idagdag na nabasa ko pa after kong matapos sulatin yung parts 1-4.
Nabanggit yung importance of solitude. I think kaya nya ‘to in-include kasi yung magta-try ng digital declutter, they could get bored and will find themselves reaching for their phones. And kaya may whole chapter about solitude is for us to realize siguro na sometimes, okay lang na walang gawin. Hindi mo kelangan i-fill yung every second of your life.
Regular doses of solitude, mixed in with our default mode of sociality, are necessary to flourish as a human being.
Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport
Nabanggit dito na solitude or being alone with your thoughts helps us regulate our emotions and process stuff. And medyo natawa and na-guilty din ako dito sa following quote:
Nung nag-start akong basahin ‘to, ang gusto ko lang talagang mangyari is mawala yung uncontrollable urge ko to always check my phone. Pero ang dami kong nakuha sa book na ‘to.
Sobrang necessary na diniscuss muna sa book lahat. It started with identifying the addictive behaviors, the reason behind it, and pano sya dapat i-approach which is yung strategies and principles. And eto na yung time para i-introduce naman yung concrete steps on how to start. From Paleolithic brains to economics, at this point, gets na gets ko na talaga. Parang hindi ko na kelangan ng further explanation. I’m sold!
Very important na maintindihan munang mabuti yung mga diniscuss before this para kapag gagawin ko na yung ‘digital declutter’, mas strong yung reason bakit ko ‘to ginagawa. Mas may conviction behind it. Which makes it more doable and sustainable.
Ang freeing nung phrase na you will “happily miss out on everything else.” Naalala ko yung pinakinggan ko na podcast medyo recently lang. First time ko narinig yung term na JOMO.
Replace FOMO with JOMO (Joy of Missing Out). When everybody is off drinking and making shallow conversations, you are actually doing something deep and meaningful that brings more value to yourself and maybe to other people as well.
The Minimalists Podcast [Episode 250.5]
Sobrang tinamaan ako dito. And hindi pa nakatulong na andito ko sa ibang bansa. Medyo na-lessen na rin naman simula nung nagkapandemic kasi nga ang dalang na lumabas ng mga tao.
Heto na ang mga quotes and commentaries sa book na to. Self explanatory naman yung title so wala nang intro.
Huhu. So true.
In all honesty, naaapektohan talaga yung mood ko and sometimes hindi ko ma-pinpoint kung bakit. Sometimes obvious yung reason pero minsan basta naapektohan na lang ako. Parang nasisira na agad yung araw after ko magcheck ng iba-ibang social media apps.
CALL TO ACTION: Wag nang magcheck ng phone sa umaga. Do your morning routine first. Magtiklop ng kumot, maglinis ng litter box, pakainin ang mga kitties, load dishwasher, etc.
Sa ngayon, especially dahil nagkaron ng pandemic, ayaw ko pang mag-baby. Ilang taon ko na ring napag-desisyonan ‘to—although minsan aaminin kong napapaibig ako—kaso for the wrong reasons naman.
Minsan pag may mababalitaan akong parent na hindi maganda ang trato sa anak nya, mapapaisip ako na, “Pag ako naging magulang hindi ganyan ang gagawin ko, ganito dapat…” or “Ano kayang magiging itsura ng magiging anak namin?” or “Pag ako nagkaanak ganito ko sya papalakihin, i-eenroll ko sya sa foreign language class or sa piano or sa ballet…”
So in short, more of ako yung masa-satisfy, and for self indulgence lang yung reasons. Kaya bumabalik at bumabalik ako sa desisyon na ayaw ko pa, or ayaw ko talaga forever.
We must always try to picture the worst that could happen and then remind ourselves that the worst is survivable. The goal is not to imagine that bad things don’t unfold, it’s to see that we are far more capable of enduring than we currently think of.
The School Of Life, Why Stoicism Continues to Matter
And I thought about how, actually, if you wanted to, you could say the same thing about life. That life is terrifying and overwhelming and it can happen at any moment. And when you’re confronted with life you can either be cowardly or you can be brave, but either way you’re going to live. So might as well be brave.
Someone Who Will Love You in All Your Damaged Glory — Raphael Bob-Waksberg
Instead of assuming you’re behind, you can ask: “Where did I get the idea that I’m supposed to be following someone else’s timeline?”
Instead of assuming other people are better than you, you can ask: “Do I really believe any human is inherently better than another or am I just trying to find more ways to be hard on myself?”
Instead of assuming you can’t change, you can ask: “What if assuming I can’t change is one of the factors making it hard for me to change?”
Instead of assuming other people must feel a certain way about you, you can ask: “What would it be like to let other people have their own feelings instead of trying to assume I always know what those feelings are?”
Gleniz da Menace 