Sa ngayon, especially dahil nagkaron ng pandemic, ayaw ko pang mag-baby. Ilang taon ko na ring napagdesisyonan ‘to although minsan napapaibig, pero for the wrong reasons naman.
Minsan pag may mababalitaan akong parent na hindi maganda ang trato sa anak nya, mapapaisip ako na, “Pag ako naging magulang hindi ganyan ang gagawin ko, ganito dapat…” or “Ano kayang magiging itsura ng magiging anak namin?” or “Pag ako nagkaanak ganito ko sya papalakihin, i-eenroll ko sya sa foreign language class or sa piano or sa ballet.”
So in short, more of ako yung masasatisfy and for self indulgence lang yung reasons. Kaya bumabalik ako sa decision ko na ayaw ko pa or ayaw ko talaga forever.
Nung last book discussion kasi namin, medyo nahapyawan to. Tapos nag-quote ako nung mga nabasa ko dun sa isang article na nabasa ko way back. Kaya hinanap ko ulit. Ang ganda nung mga points na nasa article na yun.
At isa pa nung may isang boomer na tita na nagsabi sakin na, “Dapat sa next natin na pagkikita may laman na yan ah. Pine-pressure na kita.” Wow. Sa lahat ng mga nagcomment about sa pagbe-baby, sya na yung worst.
I promise na sa next na pagkikita namin at sinabihan nya uli ako non, sasagutin ko na sya. In a respectful manner of course. At pag walang masyadong tao kase nung sinabihan nya ko nun, nasa dinner party kami at ang daming tao masyado.
My ex-partner’s sudden urgency to have kids happened right after his friends started having them. When I asked about his change of heart, he admitted: “everyone else is doing it!” This argument only works if you value social norms — and some of us don’t. I don’t owe the world anything. Like, I’m also a talented visual artist but few people know this about me. I don’t owe the world art, and I don’t owe it kids.
Read This If You’re Not Sure You Want Kids by Kris Gage | medium.com
Sobrang amen dito. Kaya gusto kong balikan tong article na to kase very empowering. Na it doesn’t make you less of a woman if you choose to not have kids. It also makes you question and dig deep kung ano ba talagang totoong reason kung bakit gusto mong magkaanak. And once naging totoo ka sa sarili mo, mas makakabuo ka ng informed decision.
So ano daw yung common reasons? Medyo madami pero eto yung nakaka-relate ako.
- Fear of Regret
If “you’re only doing it because you’re afraid of missing out” or “people say you’ll regret it if you don’t,” then you’re going at it all wrong.
5 Signs You Shouldn’t Have Kids by Gabrielle Moss | bustle.com
Eto talaga yung una kong nafeel nung nagkakababies na yung mga barkada ni Kenneth. Kase mas si Kenneth yung iniisip ko. Na baka i-resent nya ko dahil ayaw ko pa. Pero si Kenneth naman eh nadadaan sa mabuting usapan. Once napagusapan na namin, na-pinpoint nya din sa sarili nya yung reason kung bakit nya ba gusto. Which is yun nga, peer pressure and FOMO.
We regret things we didn’t do more than the things we do.
Read This If You’re Not Sure You Want Kids by Kris Gage | medium.com
In the long run, people of every age and in every walk of life seem to regret not having done things much more than they regret things they did.
Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert
Ang ganda nung perspective. You will almost always regret the things you think you shoud’ve done, pero hindi ibig sabihin non lahat na lang ng bagay gagawin mo. Sobrang exhausting ng buhay mo non.
Good decisions are made out of love, not fear. Have kids because you’re ready to love — not because you’re terrified of regret or other risks.
Read This If You’re Not Sure You Want Kids by Kris Gage | medium.com
Tapos may shocking revelation dun sa article.
Some people do regret kids. They just don’t talk about it.
In 1975, advice columnist Ann Landers asked her readers, “If you had it to do over again, would you have children?”
Nearly 10,000 parents replied on handwritten postcards, and a few weeks later, Landers shared the survey results in an article headlined “70 PERCENT OF PARENTS SAY KIDS ARE NOT WORTH IT.”
Read This If You’re Not Sure You Want Kids by Kris Gage | medium.com
Sino nga bang aamin na sana hindi na lang sila nag-anak. Eh di na-bash at na-cancelledt sila ng mga netizens 🤣
2. Fear of Loneliness
Children go off and live their own lives. All of us, kids or not, will be left to deal with the sunsetting of our days. I don’t mean to be morbid; I only mean to be honest.
It is our job, not our kids’, to ease existential woes and deal with our death.
Read This If You’re Not Sure You Want Kids by Kris Gage | medium.com
ANG GANDAAAA.
3. Curiosity
Eto talaga yung #1 ko na reason. Sobrang curious ako. Kung anong magiging itsura nya, kung kaninong traits kaya yung makukuha nya, magiging artistic din kaya sya, magaling kaya syang kumanta, at kung ano ano pa.
Kids aren’t personal experiments. They’re not mirrors we can admire ourselves in. They’re their own living, breathing people and they’ll look how they look, learn what they learn, and be who they are regardless of us.
9 Brutally Real Reasons Why Millennials Refuse to Have Kids by Isabelle Kohn | therooster.com
Kids are their own, separate people — not extensions of ourselves.
Read This If You’re Not Sure You Want Kids by Kris Gage | medium.com
Lalong narereinforce yung decision ko nung binabasa ko to noon hanggang ngayon. Pero kung sasabihin nyo na “God created us to procreate etc.” FYI hindi ako naniniwala sa religion. Highschool pa lang ako atheist na ko.
4. Happiness
Since the 1980s, at least two-dozen studies have shown that the quality of marriage decreases once the couple has kids. Studies also show that when kids leave the nest, parents are happier than any other time in their relationship.
Read This If You’re Not Sure You Want Kids by Kris Gage | medium.com
Hindi ko alam kung anong opinyon ko dito kasi since wala ngang parent ang umaamin na sana hindi na lang sila nag-anak, lahat ng naririnig at napapanood ko ay, “Having kids is the happiest, most fulfilling thing in the whole wide world.” You know the lines.
So I don’t know kung agree ako na happier ang parents pag nag move out na ang mga kids. Kase sa family namin, alam kong nalungkot ang Mama at Papa nung si Kim na lang ang natira sa bahay.
Pero I think if your relationship is strong, you can find happiness kahit kayong dalwa na lang, kase nagsimula naman kayo sa kayong dalwa lang.
Pero agree ako na, kung tingin mo ang kasagutan sa ‘yong happiness ay magka anak, it’s a no for me.
5. Meaning
Many people cite their kids as the most meaningful part of their lives, but that doesn’t mean we should. Good parenting means honoring kids as their own people, with their own lives, whose “meaning” is entirely separate from ours — and vice versa.
Kids are not here to “fill your life”.
They are not here to ease our existential anxiety or distract us from it, and even if we ascribe meaning to them, the responsibility still falls on us.
And secondly: our lives — and days — don’t have to be manically “filled.”
Many people are anxious about this, agonizing over the white space of childlessness.
Read This If You’re Not Sure You Want Kids by Kris Gage | medium.com
Super agree. Very well said.
After ng lahat ng nabasa at naisip ko, hindi ko sinasabing hindi na magbabago ang desisyon ko. It’s a no for now pero open ako sa possibility na magbago ang isip ko in the future. Pero I will always keep these things in mind when it comes to making a decision of having kids.
So siguro magkakaanak lang ako pag overflowing na yung love na binibigay ko sa sarili ko, sa asawa ko, sa mga pusa namin, sa kamaganak at friends ko tapos yung tipong wala nang mapaglagyan yung love na kaya kong ibigay.
In short, pag self actualized na ko. I think malayo pa ko dun 😂
But as you ask yourself, just make absolutely sure you are answering from a place of love, not fear — from a place of desiring something, not avoiding the alternative; i.e., “I want to” (raise kids, love them) not “I don’t want to” (regret it, die alone, etc.) And make sure your “want” honors them as people, not extensions of yourself.
But above all else: when the idea of having kids makes you feel more good than bad. When you’re ready to put in the work. When you’re doing so from a place of love, not fear. When you can offer love on a consistent basis.
Read This If You’re Not Sure You Want Kids by Kris Gage | medium.com
I thought tapos na ko sa pagbabasa pero sinilip ko yung comments section. Ang ganda nung isang comment:
You can choose whether you want to have a kid or not.
But your kid can’t choose to be born or not.
Sometimes, you should also ask (yourself) if your (future) kid (would) want/need someone like you as a parent. If not, then you probably shouldn’t have her/him.
Most of the time, parenting either ruins/builds a person’s life.
After thinking/considering your own reasons to have or not to have a kid, please also spare a thought to look at yourself from your future kid’s perspective.
johnronand
Nice one. Pag may nagtanong uli sakin kung bakit wala pa kaming baby, ifoforward ko na lang ‘to 😆
Gleniz Da Menace 