Gleniz da Menace
I am so proud that I initiated an interaction with a workmate today. Ang weird pero parang takot na ko sa tao. Kinakabahan talaga ko pag merong potential interaction na magaganap. Para ma-neutralize yung kaba ko, kelangan ko ng practice. Gusto ko ng more face-to-face interactions with random people and nagawa ko sya today. Yay.
Umiiyak ako habang ine-explain kay Kenneth kung pano ko natutunang i-embrace ang pagka-crybaby ko. Hindi kasi aware si Kenneth na di porke’t umiiyak ako, negative na agad. Minsan kasi pag naguusap kami at may ine-explain ako sa kanyang intense moment, or pag nagshe-share ako ng feelings, may kasabay na pagiyak. Minsan positive naman yung rason (tulad nung kinekwento ko sa kanya na I feel loved pag mine-mention nya ko sa workmates nya) pero maiiyak pa rin ako. Basta anything na emotional, automatic iyak.
* formerly called ‘fake twitter’
I immediately thought of my parents and grandparents 🥺
Since maaga akong nagising ngayon, naisipan kong basahin ang newsletter ni James Clear. Parang binasa yung utak ko kasi sakto yung mga quotes dun sa newsletter!
I am still feeling some anxiety, and I have a collection of quotes (from books, newsletters, and podcasts I consumed) ready for me to read when I have this overwhelming emotion. Here’s one that made me smile and helped me ease up a little bit:
“I’ve found that it’s of some help to think of one’s moods and feelings about the world as being similar to weather.
Here are some obvious things about the weather: It’s real. You can’t change it by wishing it away. If it’s dark and rainy it really is dark and rainy and you can’t alter it. It might be dark and rainy for two weeks in a row.
But. It will be sunny one day.
In the same way that one has to accept the weather, so one has to accept how one feels about life sometimes. “Today’s a crap day,” is a perfectly realistic approach. It’s all about finding a kind of mental umbrella. “Hey-ho, it’s raining inside: it isn’t my fault and there’s nothing I can do about it, but sit it out. But the sun may well come out tomorrow and when it does, I shall take full advantage.”
Stephen Fry
Na-miss kong magsulat ditooo! Sobrang dami kong unfinished entries na nakatambak lang sa drafts. Bakit ba ko nawalan ng time magsulat dito.
Iba talaga yung quality ng umaga ko kapag nagising ako on my own versus nagising ako sa tunog ng alarm. Ang sarap. Pag natural yung pag gising ko, feeling ko ang sarap sarap din ng tulog ko. Tapos yung pagbangon ko hindi sapilitan kaya hindi ako cranky.
It’s Daddy’s birthday today. I miss you 🥺
Sobrang daming geese kanina! Naririnig ko sila so binuksan ko yung bintana. Feeling Mary Oliver ako kasi napapansin ko, pag madaming geese sa sky at papunta sila sa isang direction, uulan. I’m sure maco-confirm ko ‘to sa Google pero ayoko. Natutuwa lang akong i-observe yung activity nila.
And true enough, after a couple of minutes, umulan nga. Ang sarap ng moment na ‘to. Kanina pa kong 6AM gising, 8AM na ngayon at tulog pa rin ang mga tao, gloomy at umuulan, pagsilip ko sa bintana, ang gandang tingnan nung orange-yellow-brown leaves ng mga puno, pinatugtog ko yung ‘No Lyrics Chill’ playlist ko sa Spotify, at ito, nagsusulat. Hays ang saraaaap.
Merong bumabagabag sa isip ko at yun ay:
“Tinatamad akong tapusin yung Day 14 ng ginagawa kong travel series..”
Kung kelan patapos na! Yun na yung last day ng trip tapos bigla pa kong tinamad! Wait. Parang nagkaka-motivation na ko ulit. Sisimulan ko na bago pa mawala.
Gleniz da Menace