Gleniz da MenaceYou’re reading this because you’re a paid subscriber. Thank you! 🤍
I’m sad to say that I’m a bubble tea addict. Kulang ang meal pag walang sugary drink. I can feel it in my bonez. Araw-araw, hinahanap-hanap ng puso at isip ko yung honey green tea ng Panda Tea o yung oreo chocolate slushy ng Happy Lemon. Kaya uunahin ko na ang bye-bye for this week.
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Napa-‘trip down memory lane’ ako nung may hinahanap akong book review ko. Every blog post kasi, merong link to the next post. Di ko namalayan pindot ako ng pindot ng next at nabasa ko yung mga old entries ko nung 2020. Nakakaaliw basahin yung mga ikinaka-excite ko noon and at the same time, yung mga dati kong hinanaings. Pero ang pinaka-napansin ko, halos lahat ng entries ko written in Tagalog. Lately kasi, mas nag-ga-gravitate ako sa English. Kasi gusto ko rin mapractice yung writing skills ko in English. Kaso mas ramdam ko talaga pag Tagalog. Mas naiikwento ko yung nangyari at yung emosyon ko ng maayos. Ewan. Nakakalito.
Minsan, I feel defensive sa desisyon naming hindi magkaanak. At yung minsan na yun ay ngayon. I think it’s due to some recent events, kasi ever present pa rin yung mga shocked reactions ng mga tao pag nalaman nilang wala kaming anak at wala kaming planong magkaanak. Siguro pag hindi ko na na-witness yung mga ganung comments and reactions, saka lang ako titigil magsalita tungkol dito. Since marami nang spokesperson ang mga parents, gusto ko naman maging spokesperson sa mga couples na nag-decide hindi maging parents, o kahit dun sa mga nagdadalwang isip.
One time habang nasa bakasyon kami, nakita ko yung meme na ‘to at naka-relate at natawa ako, so ni-repost ko.
Pero the moment na ni-repost ko, bigla akong na-conscious. Naisip ko, “Hala, baka offensive sya sa mga friends kong parents. Okay lang kaya yun?” Tapos naisip ko, my momshie friends post their babies all the time. They are proud to say, despite the hardships, how wonderful and fulfilling parenthood is. So hindi rin siguro masamang i-express, despite the judgment and criticisms, kung gano rin ka-wonderful yung kabilang side? Kaya with an anxious heart, I let it exist on my IG stories for 24 hours.
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Hello! Huhu I don’t even know where to start. My mind is racing in every direction because so much has happened over the past few days. I already talked about the chaos of moving and how it was sooo stressful. So stressful that my period came a few days early. It messed up with my hormones and it’s another sign that I have to slow down.
I’ve also been very reflective about friendships lately. This isn’t exactly new, but I think it’s the first time I’ve talked about it extensively in a blog post. I guess it’s just hard to admit that I do feel alone at times. Emphasis to the word ‘feel’ because I know I’m not really alone. Also, spending a few days in New York with my good friend Nick just reminded me of what I was missing. All my closest friends are in different parts of the world, and I still find it hard to reconcile with this reality. We keep in touch regularly but it’s just not the same.
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I have parts of myself that I’m not a fan of, and I’m sure I have not-so-great traits that people see clearly but I’m oblivious to. But I realized that I have to accept my temperaments and trust that people can handle me, or better yet, let me know if I’m being too much—or too little. I have to trust that people who care about me will *kindly* bring my blind spots to my attention. People who genuinely want me to improve will not tolerate my shittiness.
I read this New Yorker article about friendship, ‘The Trouble with Friends’. Feeling ko, it was a reality check. Narealize ko, my hope and aim for friendships were too idealistic and childlike. Ang nakatatak sa utak ko, “Gusto ko lang naman ng someone ngayon kung pano kami ng grade school bestfriends ko noon.” Yung updated kami with every single little ganap ng isa’t isa. Yung tanggap namin yung pettiness, we talk every single day, walang nakikipag-compete, we want to hangout as much as possible, etc.
For some naive reason, I still hope for this kind of friendship. But this article opened my eyes to the truth: adult friendships are just different. Old friendships won’t be as tight-knit as before, and some will just slowly falter. Your friends, no matter how inseparable you were, and no matter how close you are until now, will end up in different geographic locations—ako pa nga yung isa sa mga unang umalis, so ano bang nirereklamo ko?
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I am a regular user of ChatGPT. In fact, I use it everyday. Sya na yung Google ko—minsan therapist. Speaking of therapy, I will share my therapy experience one of these days. One thing I can say about it is, I highly highly recommend it. Lalo na sa mga anxious and easily overwhelmed people like me. Minsan kelangan mo lang umiyak at maglabas ng mga stuff na wala kang mapagsabihan, habang may nakikinig na professional na alam mong ilang beses na nyang narinig yung mga sinasabi mo, so malaki yung chance na hindi ka nya i-judge.
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I am sooo overwhelmed. Wala na kong work at hindi na ko pumapasok pero parang 18 hrs akong nagtrabaho kahapon. 3:30AM gising na ko. Sabi ko magmo-morning routine muna ako para kalmado ang simula ng araw ko, kasi alam kong madami akong aasikasuhin para sa paglipat namin. Pero nung napa-check ako ng e-mail ko, ayun, nagdire-diretso na hanggang 9PM. Parang ang dami kong adrenaline kahapon. Hindi ako nagugutom. Pag wala akong kausap at ka-email, maglilinis ako ng apartment. Akala ko mahaba yung magiging tulog ko kasi ang dami kong ginawa. Pero eto, gising na ko ng 4AM.
I knew October would be a great month, and it did not disappoint 🤍
The major thing that happened this month was our first US trip! I think almost all of my October entries are related to this trip. And yes, hindi pa rin kami nakakamove on ni Kenneth. We still talk about it every chance we get 😂
As always, thank you for reading.
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The commonplace section of my notebook is my favorite. I call it my ‘life notes’—a collection of quotes, insights, book excerpts, fun facts, new words I’ve learned—gathered for future reference. I have a digital version of this in my Notion where I can easily search for keywords, but I eventually stopped updating it. There’s just something extra satisfying when I see it on paper. Also, I can circle and underline words, I can add stickers, put my little comments on the side, and I just feel like I retain more from what I write rather than from what I type.
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Gleniz da Menace