Napa-‘trip down memory lane’ ako nung may hinahanap akong book review ko. Every blog post kasi, merong link to the next post. Di ko namalayan pindot ako ng pindot ng next at nabasa ko yung mga old entries ko nung 2020. Nakakaaliw basahin yung mga ikinaka-excite ko noon and at the same time, yung mga dati kong hinanaings. Pero ang pinaka-napansin ko, halos lahat ng entries ko written in Tagalog. Lately kasi, mas nag-ga-gravitate ako sa English. Kasi gusto ko rin mapractice yung writing skills ko in English. Kaso mas ramdam ko talaga pag Tagalog. Mas naiikwento ko yung nangyari at yung emosyon ko ng maayos. Ewan. Nakakalito.
Minsan, I feel defensive sa desisyon naming hindi magkaanak. At yung minsan na yun ay ngayon. I think it’s due to some recent events, kasi ever present pa rin yung mga shocked reactions ng mga tao pag nalaman nilang wala kaming anak at wala kaming planong magkaanak. Siguro pag hindi ko na na-witness yung mga ganung comments and reactions, saka lang ako titigil magsalita tungkol dito. Since marami nang spokesperson ang mga parents, gusto ko naman maging spokesperson sa mga couples na nag-decide hindi maging parents, o kahit dun sa mga nagdadalwang isip.
One time habang nasa bakasyon kami, nakita ko yung meme na ‘to at naka-relate at natawa ako, so ni-repost ko.
In case wala kayong Instagram, this is the meme. Also, I’m jealous of you.
Pero the moment na ni-repost ko, bigla akong na-conscious. Naisip ko, “Hala, baka offensive sya sa mga friends kong parents. Okay lang kaya yun?” Tapos naisip ko, my momshie friends post their babies all the time. They are proud to say, despite the hardships, how wonderful and fulfilling parenthood is. So hindi rin siguro masamang i-express, despite the judgment and criticisms, kung gano rin ka-wonderful yung kabilang side? Kaya with an anxious heart, I let it exist on my IG stories for 24 hours.
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Hello! Huhu I don’t even know where to start. My mind is racing in every direction because so much has happened over the past few days. I already talked about the chaos of moving and how it was sooo stressful. So stressful that my period came a few days early. It messed up with my hormones and it’s another sign that I have to slow down.
Almond reminding me to relax 🤍
I’ve also been very reflective about friendships lately. This isn’t exactly new, but I think it’s the first time I’ve talked about it extensively in a blog post. I guess it’s just hard to admit that I do feel alone at times. Emphasis to the word ‘feel’ because I know I’m not really alone. Also, spending a few days in New York with my good friend Nick just reminded me of what I was missing. All my closest friends are in different parts of the world, and I still find it hard to reconcile with this reality. We keep in touch regularly but it’s just not the same.
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I have parts of myself that I’m not a fan of, and I’m sure I have not-so-great traits that people see clearly but I’m oblivious to. But I realized that I have to accept my temperaments and trust that people can handle me, or better yet, let me know if I’m being too much—or too little. I have to trust that people who care about me will *kindly* bring my blind spots to my attention. People who genuinely want me to improve will not tolerate my shittiness.
I read this New Yorker article about friendship, ‘The Trouble with Friends’. Feeling ko, it was a reality check. Narealize ko, my hope and aim for friendships were too idealistic and childlike. Ang nakatatak sa utak ko, “Gusto ko lang naman ng someone ngayon kung pano kami ng grade school bestfriends ko noon.” Yung updated kami with every single little ganap ng isa’t isa. Yung tanggap namin yung pettiness, we talk every single day, walang nakikipag-compete, we want to hangout as much as possible, etc.
For some naive reason, I still hope for this kind of friendship. But this article opened my eyes to the truth: adult friendships are just different. Old friendships won’t be as tight-knit as before, and some will just slowly falter. Your friends, no matter how inseparable you were, and no matter how close you are until now, will end up in different geographic locations—ako pa nga yung isa sa mga unang umalis, so ano bang nirereklamo ko?
I am sooo overwhelmed. Wala na kong work at hindi na ko pumapasok pero parang 18 hrs akong nagtrabaho kahapon. 3:30AM gising na ko. Sabi ko magmo-morning routine muna ako para kalmado ang simula ng araw ko, kasi alam kong madami akong aasikasuhin para sa paglipat namin. Pero nung napa-check ako ng e-mail ko, ayun, nagdire-diretso na hanggang 9PM. Parang ang dami kong adrenaline kahapon. Hindi ako nagugutom. Pag wala akong kausap at ka-email, maglilinis ako ng apartment. Akala ko mahaba yung magiging tulog ko kasi ang dami kong ginawa. Pero eto, gising na ko ng 4AM.
I knew October would be a great month, and it did not disappoint 🤍
Halloween 🎃
The major thing that happened this month was our first US trip! I think almost all of my October entries are related to this trip. And yes, hindi pa rin kami nakakamove on ni Kenneth. We still talk about it every chance we get 😂
OCTOBER DIGEST
I think I might have overshared when I wrote about *toot* in my life updates. I’m trying to imagine it from a reader’s perspective and wondering if it was a bit too much. Personally, I don’t feel any shame or awkwardness—probably because I know that only 5 people will have access to it hehe. Either way, I’m just concerned about the reader’s threshold for TMI.
We were still in the US when I wrote my Thursday letter, so I talked a little bit about our experience going to Billie Eilish’s concert and how we were enjoying our vacation.
Had fun doing our quarterly expense report, especially creating the visuals for it. The most refreshing part was sharing our real numbers.
Though a bit tedious, I also shared how much we spent on our US trip. I found myself a bit puzzled when I saw the total. Ganito ba talaga dapat? It was enlightening, to say the least. Speaking of expenses, I also shared my NYC haul. It’s mostly stationery goods.
I’m enjoying writing so so much right now. I talked about my commonplace book a few days ago and how I call it my ‘life notes’.
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First, my best buy and bye-bye of the week. I am going to exclude all food items because I’m just going to list almost everything we ate.
Best Buys
I am no collector of anything. Some people are into shoes, bags, books, toys, etc. But personally, I just couldn’t relate. I feel like I’m hoarding. It seems impractical. To be clear, I don’t mean this as a badge of honor, I’m just saying what makes sense in my head. I don’t see the point in having five pairs of shoes when I only wear one pair at a time. I rotate between two pairs, one black and one white. It’s just so easy to pair with anything.
I guess I’m also too lazy to style and mix and match. If I only have two pairs, and if it’s black and white, it would only take me 2 seconds to decide which one I want to wear that day. If I were a guy, I would probably one of those annoying men who owns a stack of the same black shirt and just wear those everyday.
$26 ~ A crybaby blind box
I’m the total opposite of my mom who loves bags and has a cabinet full of decorative plates and cups on display. It’s also possible that the more I see my mother collect these bags that are taking up so much space in her already crowded room, the more I veer away from being that way. I share all of these little anecdotes about practicality only to say that, the moment I saw this crybaby things, something has shifted haha. Suddenly, I wanted to get my hands on these cute little things! I guess I just hadn’t found anything I was truly drawn to—until that evening when we were strolling around this random mall and saw a Pop Mart vending machine.
Cutesicles!
Having made a blog post of me being such a crybaby, this blind box toy spoke to me. It’s just so me! When I saw the side of the box with all the possible crybabies I could get, I’d be happy with any of them. Huhu they’re all so adorable. And those teary eyes? Ugh, too cute. I think my favorites are 01 and 06.
This is what I got. UGH. Sinong hindi makakatiis 🥹🥰
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I’ve been writing a lot for my blog over the past few days. I don’t know why I’m so excited about it. It feels like I’m doing something important when I’m actually not. I guess I just have a lot to say to no one in particular, and I’m glad to have the space to let it out. I’m living for that moment of possibility when someone, somewhere, would read it out of curiosity. I’m aware a handful of people read the blog, but it still feels unbelievable. I don’t even care if they like it or not, I’m just thankful for their time.
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Doing our quarterly expenses is completely new to me. I usually just compare our expenses month to month and that’s it. But every month is different, so I think calculating the quarterly average would give a more useful snapshot of our spending. I’ll provide the percentages first, then give a detailed breakdown with the numbers.
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Gleniz da Menace 