Paglabas ko ng apartment namin, hindi pa sumisikat ang araw. Medyo nakakatakot kasi 5:15 AM pa lang at medyo madilim pa. Pero ganitong oras dapat magsimula ang byahe ko para hindi ako ma-late sa opisina. Six years na ang nakalipas pero tandang tanda ko kung anong bag ang gamit ko at damit na suot ko.
Masaya ako sa trabaho ko kasi relax lang. Wala rin akong kaaway. Looking forward ako na umupo sa desk ko, mag-sounds habang nagmumukang busy at makipag-kwentuhan sa officemates ko. Hindi malaki ang sweldo ko pero naisip ko, dito na ko magre-retire. Basta gusto ko madali lang at komportable. Looking forward ako sa isang ordinaryong araw sa office.
Isa’t kalahating oras after kong lumabas ng apartment, nasa emergency room ako. Umiiyak habang dinidiin ko yung tela sa braso ko para hindi lalong magdugo. Butas din yung paborito kong slacks. Asar na asar ako sa nangyari.
Tatlong bagay ang tumatakbo sa isip ko habang nakahiga ako sa ER. Una: “Kailangan kong tawagan ang boss ko para sabihin na hindi ako makakapasok.” Pangalwa: “Gano kaya kadumi yung pinanghiwa sa braso ko. Baka puro kalawang pa yun ma-tetano pa ko.” At panghuli: “Ayoko na talaga dito sa Pilipinas.”
Balik tayo sa apartment. So paglabas ko, may nalampasan akong dalwang lalake na nakamotor dun sa kanto. Siguro mga isang minuto after ko silang lampasan, may nagsalita ng, “Holdap ‘to”. Halos nakadikit na sya sakin pero hindi ko sya naramdamang lumapit. Unang pumasok sa isip ko, “Ows di nga??” Alam kong talamak ang holdapan sa Maynila pero nung pagkakataon na yun, pakiramdam ko nasa pelikula ako. Kasi sa pelikula lang ako nakakakita ng hinoholdap. Nung naghihigitan na kami ng bag, dun ko pa lang na-realize na totoo nga. Holdap nga to.
Medyo matagal kaming nagrarambulan ni kuya holdaper. Ayokong bitiwan yung bag ko. Hindi dahil sa ayokong makuha nya ang wallet at cellphone ko. Ayoko lang talagang bumitaw. Eto pala yung sinasabi nila na ‘fight or flight’.
Sa sobrang ipinaglalaban ko yung bag ko, napadapa na ko sa kalsada. Pero nakakapit pa din ako ng mahigpit sa bag ko habang hinihila nung holdaper yung kabilang dulo. Kaya everytime hinihila nya yung bag, nakakaladkad ako. Ang lakas ni kuya holdaper kahit mukang mas matanda ako sa kanya. Malamang naka-rugby ‘to.
Eto pala yung sinasabi nilang ‘adrenaline rush’. Kasi hiniwa na pala nya yung braso ko para bumitiw na ko. Pero wala talaga akong naramdaman na sakit. Ayoko pa din ibigay yung bag ko. Ang daming nagsabi sakin na dapat daw binigay ko na lang yung bag. Pero wala akong magagawa kasi yun talaga yung initial reaction ko nung time na yun. Kaya tuloy pa din ang kapit ko habang kinakaladkad at umiiyak at sumisigaw ng tulong.
Pero mukang mas malakas ako kasi hindi nya nakuha yung bag. May dumating na tulong bago pa maubos ang energy ko at bumitaw. Hindi nya nakuha ang mahiwagang bag. Nung nakasakay na ko sa taxi papuntang ER, naisip ko na between sakin at ni kuya holdaper, ako pala yung may nakuha. Nakuha ko yung hiwa sa braso, nakakuha din ako ng madaming gasgas at sugat at sakit ng katawan. Dun ko pa lang naramdaman at naamoy lahat. Naamoy kasi habang kinakaladkad ako, may nakuha din pala akong tae ng aso.
Habang sinusulat ko ‘to, nagdadalwang isip pa din ako kung anong mas pipiliin ko. Yung mawalan ako ng bag o yung hiwa, gasgas, sugat, sakit, iyak at tae. Alam kong masaklap yung nangyari sakin pero nagdadalwang isip pa din talaga ko. Siguro kung hindi ‘to nangyari, baka nag-stay pa din ako sa komportable kong trabaho. Umupo sa komportable kong desk at isipin na eto na talaga yun. Na hanggang dito lang yung mundo ko. Hindi ko siguro maiisip na umalis. Baka nag-stay lang ako sa comfort zone ko forever.
Pero ngayon na nakapagisip-isip na ko at inalala ang mga nangyari, biglang nawala yung pagdadalwang isip. Minsan pala kailangan mo pang literal na masugatan at mapahiran ng tae bago ma-realize na may kailangan ka palang baguhin.
You want to build better connections with other people
You want to be more courageous
You read Brené Brown’s Ted Talk and you can’t get enough of her
DON’T READ THIS IF…
You’re perfect
Eto ulit yung book of the month ng book club namin at kakatapos ko lang syang basahin kahapon. Nakakaasar pa kasi nabura yung highlights ko dito sa Kindle. Nagspend pa siguro ko ng another 1-2 hours para i-scan yung buong book para hanapin yung mga hinighlight ko. Grr.
Eto yung backbone ng libro na ‘to. It’s a quote from Theodore Roosevelt:
Since I am reading a lot of self improvement books lately, I wanted to make sure that I am practicing the lessons I’ve learned so it wouldn’t go to waste. I didn’t want to read it, totally agree with it, and then just abandon it after a few days. I want to be able to carry it with me and apply it as much as I can. So I decided to go through with them once more and try to summarize what I learned from each book.
DIGITAL MINIMALISM | Cal Newport
This book taught me to be less dependent on technology and it also served as an aid to make me read more because it freed a lot of time for me to pursue activities that are more worthwhile. After practicing the strategies in this book, my screen time drastically changed from 8-9 hours/day to 2-3 hours/day. I can (surprisingly) survive a day without checking Instagram, Messenger and Facebook which was a massive improvement for me.
2. ATOMIC HABITS | James Clear
And since I’m spending less time on social media which resulted to a lot of time reclaimed, I wanted to have some more organization and wanted to make sure that I would spend my time productively. That’s why I decided to read Atomic Habits next. This one helped me cultivate my existing good habits (reading), create other good habits (eating more healthily and exercising) and break the bad ones (procrastinating). I definitely won’t claim that I became the most productive person ever after reading this book. Of course I have my low days. But this book also communicated that slight improvements are okay as long as we’re consistent. It also taught me how to become more patient when I want to improve a habit or if I want to learn a new skill (like learning a new language).
3. THE FOUR AGREEMENTS | Don Miguel Ruiz
Although I only rated this book 2.5 stars out of 5 because of the writing style, this book provided some great insights to be a better human. And we all want that. The teachings in this book is not something that’s entirely new. But it served as a good reminder to be more honest with how I feel and communicate it as necessary, to engage less in gossip, to ask first before assuming something, be more understanding and less selfish, and just try to be better as much as I can, with the energy that I have.
Again, these books are not trying to ask us to be perfect. They are promoting self improvement which I believe everyone needs. I wasn’t a fan of self-help books before to be honest. And I think it’s because of two things. The first one is pride. I guess there was a certain level of arrogance that I just decided I didn’t need any help. That “I can do this all on my own!” (annoying). The second reason is maybe because I was afraid. I was afraid to confront my weaknesses and assumed that I won’t be able to follow their advice anyway. Because it would be too hard. Because I lack discipline. Well, I think I underestimated myself. I know now that I should have more faith in myself.
Maintain a strong morning habit. Don’t check your phone the moment you wake up. Take it slow. [Digital Minimalism + Atomic Habits]
Always remind yourself of what and who you value. What are the things that are truly important and bring you happiness? Whose opinions really matter? If it involves people you really don’t care about, let the fuck go. [Digital Minimalism]
Be more intentional in what you consume. What you eat, watch, listen to, read, etc. [Digital Minimalism + Amusing Ourselves to Death]
Engage less in gossip. Instead of assumptions and judgments, let your words be filled with truth and kindness, especially when you’re talking to yourself. [The Four Agreements]
Identify yourself as the type of person you aspire to be. No labeling yourself as “procrastinator” or “bad with directions” or “pessimistic”. Our identities are not set in stone, thus, we can always edit our identities to improve. Cast your votes for the type of person you wish to become. [Atomic Habits]
Instead of seeking wealth, social status and pleasure, focus on building your character.[A Guide to the Good Life]
Doing nothing doesn’t always mean boring. You don’t have to fill every second of your life with something. Practice regular doses of solitude and it will help you process your thoughts and regulate your emotions. [Digital Minimalism]
Optimize your environment to promote good habits and prevent bad habits. Make the good habits attractive, easy and rewarding. [Atomic Habits]
Appreciate what you already have. Don’t fall into mindless consumerism. [A Guide to the Good Life]
Don’t take anything personally (be forgiving, be more understanding) and don’t make assumptions (have the courage to ask how people really think or feel, give them a chance before suspecting the worst). [The Four Agreements]
If you can’t control it, pay it no mind. It’s a waste of time and it’s stupid. [A Guide to the Good Life]
Set internal goals. Instead of, “I want to achieve 1,000 sales before the end of the year.” change it to, “I will continue making great products and promote them whether through social media or paid advertising.” Internal goals are something we have complete control. Once you set these internal goals, do your best to achieve them. [A Guide to the Good Life + The Four Agreements]
Donate. Be more helpful.[A Guide to the Good Life]
Increase your attention span. Let the people from the 50’s who can endure 7 hours of oratory be your inspiration. [Amusing Ourselves to Death]
You want to be enlightened on the amount of unnecessary information you consume
You’re bothered with your short attention span
You want to appreciate reading more
This non-fiction book about the negative effects of television was published in 1985. It may seem irrelevant nowadays but not really. The reason why this book is still being read today is because it couldn’t be more relevant.
This book was recommended by one of our book club members (Thanks Pearl!). She learned that I have some interest in Stoicism and suggested this book to me. I had a hard time finding a simple definition of what Stoicism is but I think this one is helpful:
STOICISM • a philosophy that helps us direct our thoughts and actions in an unpredictable world. We don’t control and cannot rely on external events, but we can (to a certain extent) control our mind and choose our behavior.
Basically, the book is encouraging us to have some kind of philosophy when dealing with life. And since I don’t have any religion, I think it’s a good plan. Although I’ve always thought that I turned out pretty well without being religious. That I don’t need to have a religion to be a decent person. But having a philosophy, as the book suggested, seemed appealing to me; and personally, a better alternative than religion. And this specific philosophy that the author is advocating for is Stoicism.
The primary concern of philosophy should be the art of living: Just as wood is the medium of the carpenter and bronze is the medium of the sculptor, your life is the medium on which you practice the art of living.
In the beginning part of the book, the author discussed how our society, our culture, our families and relationships shape our beliefs and identities. That we didn’t have a choice when we were little. And now that we’re older, he is challenging us to question these beliefs/practices or these “agreements”.
Another thing he talked about is how sometimes people just go with the flow to gain approval in order to have a sense of belongingness. Which is a natural thing for humans. Sabi nga ni Aristotle, we are social animals. But he also challenges that. Like saying no if we want to say no. Or attempting to ask even if it meant rejection.
For about 3 weeks now, I have been spending a lot of time away from social media. So ang dami kong na-free up na time. And ang naging result non ay ang dami kong nabasang libro (mostly non-fiction), ang dami kong na-encounter na YT videos na thought-provoking, at eto, ang dalas ko na lalo magsulat sa blog ko. I try to minimize muna yung panonood ko ng mga videos na ang sole purpose ay mag-entertain. Ewan ko. Feel na feel ko lang ang self-improvement these past few weeks. Why not.
So naisip kong mag-list ng four videos na nagkaron ng magandang contribution sa buhay ko recently. Parang ang naging theme netong November sakin ay self-awareness and self-improvement. Na feeling ko mawiwirdohan yung mga may kilala sakin kasi medyo not very like me. Nevertheless, nagsimula ‘to sa first YT video on this list:
JENN IM | 10 Books You Need to Read
So dito nga nagsimula ang lahat. Feeling ko kung hindi sya YouTuber, ang galing nyang saleswoman. Bentang benta sakin lahat ng books na ni-recommend nya. I’m sure naka-encounter na kayo ng YouTuber na annoying pero hindi sya ganon. Ang totoo nya lang magsalita and yung perkiness nya sa videos is just the right amount.
Kaya din ako na-attract sa channel nya kase may mix of cooking, life tips, self-reflection and yun nga, book recommendations. I think yung pinaka-nagustuhan ko sa kanya eh yung vulnerability nya. Dahil sa video na ‘to, binasa ko agad yung Digital Minimalism and as mentioned a couple of times already dito sa blog ko, life-changing sya for me. At kaya rin ako nakagawa ng 5-part review (more like a book report) about sa book na yon. You can read it here.
2. ANNA AKANA | 5 Things to Stop Bragging About
Super nakakatawa ‘to. This video is a double-edged sword. Ang dami kong kilalang ganito pero at the same time, natamaan din ako dun sa isang minention nya. Nagagawa ko pala yun minsan and salamat dito kasi mas naging aware ako 😅
Yung na-attack ako is one-upping yung sinabi sakin ng kausap ko. Pero hindi ko nari-realize na ganun pala yung effect and wala sa consciousness ko na nilalamangan ko yung sinasabi nya sakin. Yung tumatakbo kasi sa isip ko pag ganun is, “Ay relate ako jan. Eto naman sakin blah blah…” Yun na kasi yung default response ko for the longest time and gusto ko lang din mai-share sa kanya yung similar experience ko. Pero. Natutunan ko nang mag-shut up. Gine-gauge ko na lang din yung conversation na, “Okay, this is her moment. Hindi ko kailangan laging isingit yung thing ko.” Una ko ‘tong na-realize nung may gumawa din sakin nito. Ang annoying pala 🤣
Yung isang nakakatawa is yung bragging about something na wala sya pero meron syang kakilala na may ganun. Ilang beses ko na ‘to na-encounter at natatawa ko pero yung iba nakakaasar. I have 3 examples:
Niyayabang nya na ang laking kumita nung kakilala nya and the way nyang i-kwento is parang sya yung kumikita ng malaki. And nung time na naguusap kami, ang irrelevant na ikwento nya ‘yon kasi hindi naman napunta dun ang usapan. Gusto nya lang iyabang yung kinikita ng officemate nya with the intention of impressing us. Although na-impress nga ako. Hahaha. Pero later na-realize ko, ang labo nung ginagawa nya. So isa ‘yon.
Yung isa naman is something about sa gadgets. Bumili kami ng robo vacuum. Tapos sabi sakin nung isa, “Ah yung sa kakilala ko may WiFi capabilities yung robo vacuum nila tapos naka-program yung layout ng buong bahay nila.” Eh di wow.
And yung isang pinaka naasar ako kasi may pagka-personal. Pero lipas na naman ‘to. Bigla ko lang naalala nung napanood ko yung video. Yung friend ko sa Pinas nagtanong sakin kung bakit daw kami sa Canada nag-migrate and hindi sa US. Na-bring up kasi sa conversation namin yung common friend namin na nasa US and siguro ang nasa isip nya ay, “US is the place to be! US or nothing!” So parang ang yabang pero yung friend naman namin ang nasa US hindi sya. And mase-sense mo kasi kung tinanong lang nya for informational purposes or may ini-insinuate kasi sa phone kami magkausap, so dinig ko yung tone of voice. May malicious intent. Ayun haha. Hindi ko maiwasang hindi ma-offend. Eh ano naman kung Canada? Eh ano kung US? Eh ano kung Dubai, UK, Singapore or kahit saang bansa pa yan? Eh sa eto yung posible samin eh. And sobra sobrang grateful kami dun. Hindi ko naman sya pinapakelaman sa gusto nya. Sabi nga ni Jonel kay De Lima, “Walang basagan ng trip.”
Okay masyado na kong na-carried away. Hahaha. Good vibes lang dapat eh. Eh kahit gano naman kadaming self-help books ang basahin ko, tao lang naman tayo. Mahina din. “At least I’m tryinggg” 🎵 (to the tune of ‘this is me trying’ by Taylor Swift).
3. ALI ABDAAL | How Stoicism Made Me Happier
Unlike the two videos above na very conversational and parang barkada lang yung kausap, etong third YouTuber is yung mga tipo ng tao na marinig mo pa lang magsalita, alam mo nang henyo. Pag ganito yung mga kausap ko mai-intimidate agad ako. At doctor din kasi sya so medyo technical din syang magsalita. Plus nakatulong din yung British accent nya. 😂
So yung diniscuss dito is about the principles of Stoicism. Na encounter ko na yung word na ‘stoic’ nung college student ako. Parang nabanggit sya as isang symptom of a mental condition. Hindi ko alam na ginagamit din pala sya as something na philosophical.
As discussed sa video, it’s about not focusing on things we cannot control but instead focusing on the things that we can. I’m sure we’ve encountered this phrase before. Pero may mga times lang talaga na kahit alam mong sobrang tama nung sinabi, walang masyadong dating sayo so nalilimutan mo agad. It’s either hindi ganun ka-impactful yung pagkakasabi or you just choose to snub the thought in that moment. But there are times that it just hits you. Like now. Pwedeng kasi sobrang engaging lang talaga nung nagsabi or kasi kelangan mo yung advice na ‘yon right at that moment kaya mas madaling i-absorb.
So siguro nung pinanood ko ‘to kanina, nasa mental state ako na accepting yung utak ko and siguro kasi napapanahon din. Gusto ko yung part na, may mga times daw talaga na we cannot control our initial reaction and they call it ‘proto-passion’. Diba pang matalino.
So for example nasira ng pusa ko yung cable ng charger ko. Nginatngat nya tapos naputol (nangyari pala talaga ‘to). Ang proto-passion ko is “Waaaa anong ginawa mo??” Pero after non matatawa na lang ako and hindi ko naman ip-punish yung pusa ko. So proto-passions (gustong gusto ko na talagang gamitin yung word) are okay. It’s something involuntary and natural. Pero your action after that involuntary reaction is the one that matters. Kasi meron ka nang choice after non. Choice mo bang magalit o kumalma? Choice mo bang dibdibin o intindihin? Pero sa mga extreme situations mahirap ‘to i-apply.
Another principle na sobrang tumama:
We suffer more in our imagination than in reality.
Seneca
I am an overthinker. That’s why therapeutic sakin ‘tong blog kasi naiilabas ko kahit anong gusto ko. More than a decade ko na ‘tong ginagawa and nakatulong talaga sya sa mga moments na malungkot ako or anxious ako.
Pero ngayon, iniiwasan ko nang maging overthinker and I think successful naman. Thank you sa mga librong nabasa ko at sa mga videos na napanood ko this November. Kaya mahilig din akong mag-share ng mga kung ano-ano kasi baka kelangan din ng iba.
4. TED | The Power of Vulnerability by Brené Brown
So this one is a TED Talk. I suggest listening to their podcast as well for other powerful talks like this and if you enjoy tech and science-y stuff like I do.
So Brené Brown talks about how vulnerability will connect us and free us. Vulnerability in a sense that she encourages us to speak our truth and have the courage to show our imperfections no matter how vulnerable it makes us feel. Because there is beauty in vulnerability. My favorite quote from her talk:
I know that vulnerability is kind of the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness. But it appears that it’s also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.
Sobrang entertaining and engaging pati nyang magsalita. Kung may favorite ako sa mga videos na napanood ko recently, eto ‘yon.
The fact na naisip kong basahin ‘to, ibig sabihin andun na yung desire ko na i-improve yung good habits ko and i-eliminate as much as possible yung bad. Pero the beginning part of the book still provides more encouragement to increase your desire to improve. And gusto ko yun kasi once I implement the steps, mas may conviction behind it. Mas mapapangatawanan ko kumbaga.
Madaming tips and strategies yung book para ma-cultivate yung good habits. Madami ring examples pero of course, some or most of the examples wouldn’t apply to my life. So kelangan ng extra effort para makaisip ka ng iba-ibang ways para ma-apply yung strategies na yon sa buhay mo mismo.
THINGS I LEARNED:
Link your identity to the good habits
You might start a habit because of motivation, but the only reason you’ll stick with one is that it becomes part of your identity.
I think eto yung pinakang tumatak sakin. Kase everytime na maf-frustrate ako sa sarili ko kasi hindi ko nagagawa yung mga sinasabi kong gagawin ko, yung internal monologue ko lagi is, “Wala, ganito na talaga ako. Procrastinator talaga ako. Sa una lang ako magaling.” I identified myself as lazy. When in truth, our identities are not set in stone sabi nga dun sa book. We can edit our identities. Hindi naman ‘to touch move. We can improve. Hindi pwede yung mags-settle na lang ako dun sa paulit ulit kong sinasabi na tamad ako. May choice akong baguhin yung identity ko for the better and stop making excuses like, “Ganito na kasi talaga ko.”
You may want more money, but if your identity is someone who consumes rather than creates, then you’ll continue to be pulled toward spending rather than earning. You may want better health, but if you continue to prioritize comfort over accomplishment, you’ll be drawn to relaxing rather than training.
Gleniz da Menace 