To soothe my anxious heart:
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Ramblings #51
Category: Insights
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The Child-Free Life
Minsan, I feel defensive sa desisyon naming hindi magkaanak. At yung minsan na yun ay ngayon. I think it’s due to some recent events, kasi ever present pa rin yung mga shocked reactions ng mga tao pag nalaman nilang wala kaming anak at wala kaming planong magkaanak. Siguro pag hindi ko na na-witness yung mga ganung comments and reactions, saka lang ako titigil magsalita tungkol dito. Since marami nang spokesperson ang mga parents, gusto ko naman maging spokesperson sa mga couples na nag-decide hindi maging parents, o kahit dun sa mga nagdadalwang isip.
One time habang nasa bakasyon kami, nakita ko yung meme na ‘to at naka-relate at natawa ako, so ni-repost ko.
Pero the moment na ni-repost ko, bigla akong na-conscious. Naisip ko, “Hala, baka offensive sya sa mga friends kong parents. Okay lang kaya yun?” Tapos naisip ko, my momshie friends post their babies all the time. They are proud to say, despite the hardships, how wonderful and fulfilling parenthood is. So hindi rin siguro masamang i-express, despite the judgment and criticisms, kung gano rin ka-wonderful yung kabilang side? Kaya with an anxious heart, I let it exist on my IG stories for 24 hours.
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Adult Friendships
I read this New Yorker article about friendship, ‘The Trouble with Friends’. Feeling ko, it was a reality check. Narealize ko, my hope and aim for friendships were too idealistic and childlike. Ang nakatatak sa utak ko, “Gusto ko lang naman ng someone ngayon kung pano kami ng grade school bestfriends ko noon.” Yung updated kami with every single little ganap ng isa’t isa. Yung tanggap namin yung pettiness, we talk every single day, walang nakikipag-compete, we want to hangout as much as possible, etc.
For some naive reason, I still hope for this kind of friendship. But this article opened my eyes to the truth: adult friendships are just different. Old friendships won’t be as tight-knit as before, and some will just slowly falter. Your friends, no matter how inseparable you were, and no matter how close you are until now, will end up in different geographic locations—ako pa nga yung isa sa mga unang umalis, so ano bang nirereklamo ko?
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I am a regular user of ChatGPT. In fact, I use it everyday. Sya na yung Google ko—minsan therapist. Speaking of therapy, I will share my therapy experience one of these days. One thing I can say about it is, I highly highly recommend it. Lalo na sa mga anxious and easily overwhelmed people like me. Minsan kelangan mo lang umiyak at maglabas ng mga stuff na wala kang mapagsabihan, habang may nakikinig na professional na alam mong ilang beses na nyang narinig yung mga sinasabi mo, so malaki yung chance na hindi ka nya i-judge.
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Happy 18th birthday Isabellyyyy!
I am almost 36 y/o, which means I’m writing this 18 years after I turned 18. La lang. Naisip ko lang.
- Choose a course in college that aligns with your personality as much as possible. This will help avoid confusion in the coming years. You know this already. Don’t be like me.
- Be nicer to your parents and sister (and of course grandma). You never know which path you’ll choose later in the future, so make the most of your time together while you’re still close in proximity.
Now that I’m older, I regret most of the time that I chose to hangout with friends over my family—so try to balance the two (giving more favor towards family).
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The Great Unknown
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Read, Listen, Watch #3
A collection of things I want to be reminded of.
🎧 The first half of life is a huge and unavoidable mistake.
📖 I have walked through many lives, some of them my own..
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Gen Xers in Baby Boomers’ Clothing
After a couple of months, ngayon ko lang na-process yung reaction ng tito at tita ko nung sinabi kong nas-stress ako sa paglipat namin sa Calgary. It stuck with me kasi na-wirdohan ako sa reaction nila. Para kasi silang nagulat (with a mix of derision) nung sinabi ko na nakaka-stress yung paglipat—na parang unheard of sa kanila yung feelings of stress and anxiety when moving from one place to another.
I started drafting this entry nung beginning of June pa lang. Ang saya pa ng tone nung pagkakasulat ko that time. I even claimed this year to be one of the best ones. But after just a month, it went from being one of the best to one of the worst.
I’ve been tinkering on this blog post for some time now. The thoughts are concrete in my mind, but I find it challenging to put them into words. I know that I have to have it written just in case my mind wanders too much or get confused. Finally I finished it and here it is:
Through reading books and listening to intellectual conversations on podcasts, I’ve often encountered questions like, “What is your purpose?” “What’s your ikigai?” “What is your life’s mission? Your vocation?” They highlighted how important it is to have an answer, but these questions leave me stunned and speechless because I really don’t know. I envy those who have figured out theirs and are actively pursuing it.
I feel like it’s easier for some people. Kenneth, for example, is very serious about his career, so I believe what keeps him going for now is to climb the corporate ladder and provide for our small furry family. For mothers, it’s to be a good mom and raise well-adjusted kids. For religious people, it’s to serve God. For someone like me who isn’t focused on career advancement, isn’t a mom, does not have a religion, it’s quite hard. I feel like I’m at a disadvantage figuring this out. But I thought, maybe I just need some time. And indeed, time is what I needed.
Gleniz da Menace 