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Insights Life Secrets

Thursday Letter #16 | Honesty is the Best Policy

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Sometimes, I get conscious sa mga sinusulat ko dito, kasi pakiramdam ko minsan paulit-ulit. Or I sometimes negate myself, lalo na pag nababasa ko yung mga luma kong posts. Despite this worry, it’s not stopping me from hitting the publish button. Kasi yun talaga yung reality ko eh. Yun ang pinagdadaanan ko. Perceptions change. Tastes change. Normal lang magbago, at normal din na magpaulit-ulit.

It’s also a universal reality na mabagabag sa isang bagay, tapos akala mo resolved na at naka-move on ka na, until dadating yung araw na mababagabag ka ulit. Or yung may sasabihin kang gagawin mo, proud na proud ka sa plano mo, tapos sasablay ka nanaman. Wala eh. Yun talaga ang realidad. Sabi nga nung isang guest sa Ang Walang Kwentang Podcast:

I’m not here to be a role model,
I’m here to be the real deal.

Inah Evans

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Free Posts Insights

My Decembers

December is a sensitive month for me. Kasi simula pagkabata, as mentioned before, ito yung favorite month ko. Festive and vibrant ang paligid, magbi-birthday ako, nung bata ako alam kong magkakaron ako ng pera pamamasko, nung tumanda na nakakatuwa yung mga sale, and just overall looking forward to family holiday events. My brain had a certain expectation pagsapit ng December, built from my childhood and was a constant part of my world. Pero nagbago lahat yun nung nag-move kami sa Canada.

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Insights Pals Secrets

Best Friends

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I was listening to a podcast and one of the hosts talked about having a best friend and how they had a falling out, and I naturally thought of my best friends and how we had a falling out. Back in grade school, I still think fondly of all the ‘best friend things’ we did. Listening to boy bands and girl pop stars (we loved Christina Aguilera), sharing our boy band crushes (mine is Ben of A1), gushing about our real-life crushes, gossiping about girls we didn’t like, skipping my piano lessons and hanging out at their house for hours (yung pambayad ko sa piano teacher ginawa kong pang-meryenda namin), and all that cutesy naiveté that childhood brings.

I find it incredibly cool that back then, living in a small province, we’d just tell our parents we were going to our friend’s house and then just walk there on our own. No cellphones, no way for them to track us, no texting our friend to say we’re coming over—we’d just show up on their doorsteps completely unannounced, and all that was just normal. What we had was pure, unadulterated quality time with our friends, and there were no cellphones to distract us. If there’s a landline phone, its main purpose was to prank call our crushes (hindi kami nagte-telebabad ng best friends ko kasi kung gusto naming magusap, pupunta kami mismo sa bahay ng isa’t isa para mag-chikahan). Those were the days indeed.

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Free Posts Insights Life

Goodness Gracious

I wanted to share an article I read about being a good person. The author—drawing from social media standards and contemporary novels—humorously summed it up this way:

First and foremost, a good person possesses a deep understanding of power structures and her relative place in them. She has a sense of humor that never “punches down.” She doesn’t subtweet, buy stuff on Amazon, or fly on too many planes. She has children in order to fend off narcissism—a bad quality—and develop a stake in the future of planet Earth, but she would never presume to judge another woman’s choice. And though she occasionally makes mistakes—cheats on her boyfriend, offends her friends after drinking too much, doesn’t call her mom very often—she admits them. A good person is not perfect (she has read enough not to fall for that trap), but she is self-aware.

Lauren Oyler — For Goodness’ Sake
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Career Insights Secrets

The Okayest Employee

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I’ve downloaded the LinkedIn app again just to take a peek of what’s out there. I even  received two messages about remote job opportunities na para bang alam nilang babalik na ko sa trabaho soon. Pag nakauwi na ang Mama sa Pilipinas, I will be in my full-on job hunting mode.

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Insights Secrets

Listening to Your Gut

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After I published this essay about my social life, ang daming leftover thoughts na nag-flow after. Parang ang dami ko pa palang masasabi. So consider this as a continuation of that previous post.

Unti-unti kong nakokolekta yung mga factors kung bakit pa-intense ng pa-intense yung pag-question ko sa quality ng social life ko:

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Insights Life Secrets

Is My Social Life on Life Support?

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Minsan, pag kuntento naman akong nakatambay lang sa bahay, tapos excited ako sa mga plano kong gawin (either magsulat at magbasa lang naman yun, or manood ng TV or mag-chores), tapos makikita ko online yung mga tao na lumalabas with their family or friends, I feel this pang of anxiety. Pag nawi-witness ko sa social media yung ganun, parang napapa-question ako na, “Ganun din ba dapat ang social life ko?” And I think kaya medyo kakaiba yung impact nun sakin, kasi ilang beses ko nang na-encounter sa mga libro at podcasts na isa sa mga importanteng aspect daw ng well-being ay having a rich social life.

As an immigrant na ang family at close friends ay nasa iba-ibang parte ng mundo, in comparison sa mga nakikita ko online, it seems like my social life is lacking. I get confused. Is it a real lack, or just perceived lack? Kasi kung hindi naman ako nagbukas ng Instagram at hindi ko sila nakita, I would be perfectly content with my books and my cats’ fuzzy company. Ito yung dream ko simula nung highschool ako—I’m in my cozy home, peacefully reading books, bonus pa pag gloomy sa labas or umuulan. I’m finally living the dream! Pero pag nawi-witness ko sila na madaming ganaps, pumupunta yung isip ko sa well-being ko. Not even naiinggit na gusto kong lumabas din, naco-conscious ako na since hindi ako masyado mahilig lumabas, baka nakakasama sya sa health ko.

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Family Insights Pals Secrets

Thursday Letter #9 | Expectation vs Reality

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Pag meron akong mga kaibigan na nawalan ng mahal sa buhay, I will say my condolences, sincerely let them know that I’m just here, then give them space. Aantayin ko na lang silang mag-message ulit pag ready na silang makipag-interact sa outside world. Pakiramdam ko kasi yun yung kailangan nila. Ayokong mangulit, ayokong maka-bother, feeling ko pag chinat ko sila ng “Kamusta?” baka mainis lang sila at sabihin nila na, “Ano sa tingin mo?” Pero ngayon na nagkaron ako ng isang major loss sa pagkawala ng lola ko, in my case, mas na-aappreciate ko pala yung kinakamusta ako. Hindi ko pala kelangan ng madaming space. Kasi pag nagsolo lang ako with my grief, ang hirap nyang dalhin mag-isa.

On comforting someone experiencing grief:

I hope we can talk about the truth of the loss, not distract them from that. Because that is what’s going to help them.

The excuse of, “I don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable” but you’re actually making them feel uncomfortable by not speaking about what’s there in plain sight. Don’t be afraid to go to hard places.

— Lori Gottlieb | How to Deal with Difficult Emotions During Tough Times to Support Your Family and Friends Effectively, On Purpose podcast

Nagawa ko ‘to nung nawalan ng kapatid yung kaibigan ko. Siguro dahil sobrang close din namin kaya hindi mahirap sakin to “go to hard places” with her. Kahit few months after, or even years after she lost her younger brother, napaguusapan pa rin namin minsan yung pain at sadness nya. At ngayon na nawalan naman ako ng lola, ganun din sya sakin. Sabi ko sa kanya, kahit ang tagal ko nang pinaghahandaan ‘to at alam ko namang matanda na rin ang Mommy, never pa rin akong naging ready nung nangyari na. At yung pinakamasakit, hindi mo makokontrol yung way ng pagkawala nila. Kahit gano mo pa i-wish na sana hindi sila mahirapan, it’s really out of our hands. Na-comfort ako dun sa sinabi nyang, “Kahit alam naman natin na hiram lang ang buhay, ang hirap-hirap pa rin talaga.” Walang paghahanda ang sapat pag realidad na ang kaharap natin.

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Books Career Insights Life Secrets

I Was Born in the Wrong Era

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Being in my jobless era (once again), ang hirap maramdaman yung usefulness ko. Pinupuntirya nya yung ego ko. Lalo na pag nakikita kong nagta-trabaho si Kenneth? Tapos napapadalas pa yung OT nya these days? Nakaka-guilty. Ang pinipilit kong ipaintindi sa sarili ko, mas napapagaan ko yung araw-araw nya kasi mas may time akong ipagluto sya at mas nakakapaglinis ako ng bahay. But most importantly, may income naman akong natatanggap at naco-contribute. Hindi ako useless. Pero kahit it makes sense na ganito yung setup namin these days, naglalaban yung logic at guilty feelings. I blame Industrial Revolution and capitalism. Bakit pa kasi yun nauso.

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My Favorite Love Language

As someone na ang favorite love language to receive ay words of affirmation, pakiramdam ko hindi ako ganun ka-satisfied kasi hindi natural kay Kenneth ang pagiging expressive. Napagusapan na naman namin ‘to, pero talagang may mga bagay na hindi kayang pilitin. Okay lang. Na-accept ko na. Kaya naman pag nakaka-receive ako ng compliments from other people, SOBRANG nakakataba ng puso. And because words of affirmation rarely come my way, sinunod ko yung napanood kong idea na gumawa ng album sa phone, with screenshots of messages from people expressing their appreciation and sending uplifting statements.

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