Dahil isa sa mga pain points ko during this season of my life ay making friends within our proximity, naaakit ng algorithm yung interes ko pag binibigyan nya ko ng mga content about friendships. Hence, it’s one of my favourite topics to talk about. May mga nabasa at narinig ako na tumatak sakin kasi sobrang naka-relate ako or talagang nag-resonate.
200 hours
(According to past research) we need between 40 and 60 hours together for an acquaintance to become a casual friend.
In order to move from casual friends to close friends, you need to spend an additional 140 to 160 hours together for a total of about 200 hours.
It Takes at Least 200 Hours to Make a Close Friendship, and More to Maintain It — The Wall Street Journal
Dami kong tanong. Recently kasi, ang hilig kong manood ng mga Manila vlogs. Yung mga podcasts na pinapakinggan ko, gusto ko as much as possible Tagalog. Aliw na aliw rin akong manood ng Pinoy movies ngayon (kakatapos ko lang panoorin kagabi yung movie ni Regine Velasquez at Robin Padilla: Kailangan Ko’y Ikaw). Basta para bang uhaw na uhaw ako sa anything Pinoy. Ito ang mga tanong ko:
Mas magiging masaya kaya ako ay sa Pilipinas? Sign ba ‘to? Hindi ba dapat mas ibigay ko yung interes ko kung nasan ako? Para bang ang daya ko sa lugar kung san ako nakatira ngayon, kasi andito ako sa Calgary, pero yung utak ko nasa malayo.
O baka, since winter ngayon at hindi kami masyadong lumalabas, nagke-crave ako sa kung anong nagbibigay sakin ng comfort? Nagwo-worry lang siguro ako kung tama ba ‘tong pinili ko (ang mag-migrate sa Canada), o normal na parte lang ‘to ng winter blues and this is all temporary?
Bigla kong naalala yung isang lumang kanta na paborito ko:
Dito ba? O, dito ba? Ang dapat kong kalagyan
Dito ba ang daigdig ko ngayon? Bakit ibang-iba sa daigdig ko noon?
Dito ba ang sulok kong takda Sa ilalim ng araw?
Dito Ba? by Kuh Ledesma
Minsan kasi, kapag nasa gitna ako at pinapalibutan ng thoughts ko, especially pag yung thoughts ay may pagka-intense tulad ngayon, nahihirapan akong i-distansya ang sarili ko. Pero buti na lang mahilig akong magsulat. It’s as if the writing disarms the strong emotions. Kahit papano, nakakawala ako sa kung ano mang kumokonsumo sakin at tinutulungan akong mas palawakin ang pananaw. Pag di ko sinusulat, para akong nilalamon unti-unti.
Kanina sabi ko ang dami kong tanong, pero ngayon na-realize ko na baka nga temporary lang ‘to. Kasi kung nasa Pilipinas ako at sobrang init naman, natural mapapa-daydream din ako na sana nasa Japan ako, o kaya Canada. Tapos pag maaliwalas na ulit ang panahon, okay na ko ulit. Kailangan kong tandaan na hindi every time nami-miss ko ang Pilipinas, ibig sabihin kailangan na naming bumalik for good.
Pero dahil malayo nga ako sa Pilipinas, at matagal pa ulit bago ako makauwi, syempre ang sarap ilapit yung sarili ko sa ating motherland sa paraang posible para sakin. Ngayong puro snow ang nakikita ko sa labas, maginaw at nakakapanlambot, what gives my spirit comfort and warmth is currently this: mag-consume ng Tagalog media at ma-expose sa culture at humor na mas pamilyar. Ito ang kailangan ko ngayon. Normal lang ‘to. I shouldn’t overthink this.
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Sometimes, I get conscious sa mga sinusulat ko dito, kasi pakiramdam ko minsan paulit-ulit. Or I sometimes negate myself, lalo na pag nababasa ko yung mga luma kong posts. Despite this worry, it’s not stopping me from hitting the publish button. Kasi yun talaga yung reality ko eh. Yun ang pinagdadaanan ko. Perceptions change. Tastes change. Normal lang magbago, at normal din na magpaulit-ulit.
It’s also a universal reality na mabagabag sa isang bagay, tapos akala mo resolved na at naka-move on ka na, until dadating yung araw na mababagabag ka ulit. Or yung may sasabihin kang gagawin mo, proud na proud ka sa plano mo, tapos sasablay ka nanaman. Wala eh. Yun talaga ang realidad. Sabi nga nung isang guest sa Ang Walang Kwentang Podcast:
I’m not here to be a role model, I’m here to be the real deal.
Inah Evans
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December is a sensitive month for me. Kasi simula pagkabata, as mentioned before, ito yung favorite month ko. Festive and vibrant ang paligid, magbi-birthday ako, nung bata ako alam kong magkakaron ako ng pera pamamasko, nung tumanda na nakakatuwa yung mga sale, and just overall looking forward to family holiday events. My brain had a certain expectation pagsapit ng December, built from my childhood and was a constant part of my world. Pero nagbago lahat yun nung nag-move kami sa Canada.
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I was listening to a podcast and one of the hosts talked about having a best friend and how they had a falling out, and I naturally thought of my best friends and how we had a falling out. Back in grade school, I still think fondly of all the ‘best friend things’ we did. Listening to boy bands and girl pop stars (we loved Christina Aguilera), sharing our boy band crushes (mine is Ben of A1), gushing about our real-life crushes, gossiping about girls we didn’t like, skipping my piano lessons and hanging out at their house for hours (yung pambayad ko sa piano teacher ginawa kong pang-meryenda namin), and all that cutesy naiveté that childhood brings.
I find it incredibly cool that back then, living in a small province, we’d just tell our parents we were going to our friend’s house and then just walk there on our own. No cellphones, no way for them to track us, no texting our friend to say we’re coming over—we’d just show up on their doorsteps completely unannounced, and all that was just normal. What we had was pure, unadulterated quality time with our friends, and there were no cellphones to distract us. If there’s a landline phone, its main purpose was to prank call our crushes (hindi kami nagte-telebabad ng best friends ko kasi kung gusto naming magusap, pupunta kami mismo sa bahay ng isa’t isa para mag-chikahan). Those were the days indeed.
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I wanted to share an article I read about being a good person. The author—drawing from social media standards and contemporary novels—humorously summed it up this way:
First and foremost, a good person possesses a deep understanding of power structures and her relative place in them. She has a sense of humor that never “punches down.” She doesn’t subtweet, buy stuff on Amazon, or fly on too many planes. She has children in order to fend off narcissism—a bad quality—and develop a stake in the future of planet Earth, but she would never presume to judge another woman’s choice. And though she occasionally makes mistakes—cheats on her boyfriend, offends her friends after drinking too much, doesn’t call her mom very often—she admits them. A good person is not perfect (she has read enough not to fall for that trap), but she is self-aware.
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I’ve downloaded the LinkedIn app again just to take a peek of what’s out there. I even received two messages about remote job opportunities na para bang alam nilang babalik na ko sa trabaho soon. Pag nakauwi na ang Mama sa Pilipinas, I will be in my full-on job hunting mode.
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After I published this essay about my social life, ang daming leftover thoughts na nag-flow after. Parang ang dami ko pa palang masasabi. So consider this as a continuation of that previous post.
Unti-unti kong nakokolekta yung mga factors kung bakit pa-intense ng pa-intense yung pag-question ko sa quality ng social life ko:
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Minsan, pag kuntento naman akong nakatambay lang sa bahay, tapos excited ako sa mga plano kong gawin (either magsulat at magbasa lang naman yun, or manood ng TV or mag-chores), tapos makikita ko online yung mga tao na lumalabas with their family or friends, I feel this pang of anxiety. Pag nawi-witness ko sa social media yung ganun, parang napapa-question ako na, “Ganun din ba dapat ang social life ko?” And I think kaya medyo kakaiba yung impact nun sakin, kasi ilang beses ko nang na-encounter sa mga libro at podcasts na isa sa mga importanteng aspect daw ng well-being ay having a rich social life.
As an immigrant na ang family at close friends ay nasa iba-ibang parte ng mundo, in comparison sa mga nakikita ko online, it seems like my social life is lacking. I get confused. Is it a real lack, or just perceived lack? Kasi kung hindi naman ako nagbukas ng Instagram at hindi ko sila nakita, I would be perfectly content with my books and my cats’ fuzzy company. Ito yung dream ko simula nung highschool ako—I’m in my cozy home, peacefully reading books, bonus pa pag gloomy sa labas or umuulan. I’m finally living the dream! Pero pag nawi-witness ko sila na madaming ganaps, pumupunta yung isip ko sa well-being ko. Not even naiinggit na gusto kong lumabas din, naco-conscious ako na since hindi ako masyado mahilig lumabas, baka nakakasama sya sa health ko.
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Gleniz da Menace 