Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner | Book Review

READ THIS BOOK IF…

• You’d like to read about a detailed account of a complicated mother-daughter relationship and the author’s exploration of love and grief when her mother passed
• Ready kang matakam at maglaway kasi magugutom ka sa descriptions ng author about Korean food

This was our book pick last May. So more than 8 months ago na. Grabe ang bilis ng panahon. Since 8 months ago na, wala na akong masyadong maalala. Kaya dapat talaga nagno-notes ako habang nagbabasa. Dalwang bagay lang talaga yung nag-stand out sakin:

1. Yung complicated relationship nila ng nanay nya at yung struggle simula nung nagkasakit hanggang sa mawala na yung nanay nya.
2. Yung pag-describe nya ng Korean food. Nakakalaway talaga at magkakaron ka ng new appreciation sa food nila.

Nung book discussion namin, may question about dun sa title ng book. Kung ano yung thoughts about dun sa title ata. Ako love ko yung title. Ang perfect nya para sakin. Kase parang sini-signify dun na walang pinipiling lugar ang luha. Lalo na kung tears of loss. Kasi as a cry baby, super relate ako sa pagiyak sa mga public places. Naalala ko may moments na umiiyak ako sa jeep. Palihim pa rin syempre hindi naman yung all out. Tapos naiinis ako bakit ba hindi ko mapigilan na hindi tumulo yung luha ko.

Super heart breaking yung scene na ‘to. Eto yung umiiyak sya sa H Mart:

The boy’s mom places pieces of beef from her spoon onto his. He is quiet and looks tired and doesn’t talk to her much. I want to tell him how much I miss my mother. How he should be kind to his mom, remember that life is fragile and she could be gone at any moment. Tell her to go to the doctor and make sure there isn’t a small tumor growing inside her too.

— Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner

Tapos nalaman ko na nagsimula pala ‘tong book as an article sa The New Yorker. Tapos may nag-offer ng book deal. La lang. FYI.

Ay may naalala pa pala kong isang bagay about this book:

3. Na-fuel lalo yung identity crisis nya ngayon na wala na yung nanay nya. Kase yung nanay nya lang yung connection nya sa kanyang Korean roots. Amerikano kase yung tatay nya. Kaya after mawala yung nanay nya, todo aral sya nung mga Korean dishes na kinalakihan nya. Sobrang strong talaga ng link between food and mother’s love sa book na ‘to.

…it did not die in me. So that I could pass it on someday. The lessons she imparted, the proof of her life lived on in me, in my every move and deed. I was what she left behind. If I could not be with my mother, I would be her.

— Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner

Noong book club discussion, may question rin about food as a love language within families. So naalala ko nung nire-recreate ko din yung mga niluluto ng Mama at Papa at nung lola ko nung andito na kami sa Canada. May mga certain dishes talaga na iba yung impact sa buhay natin. Well hindi lang basta similar potahe, dapat kalasang kalasa kung pano sya niluluto ng nanay ko halimbawa.

Lastly, eto yung isa sa mga beautiful things na sinabi nya about grief:

It exists in time and transforms. So it is not quite controlled death, because it enjoys a new life altogether. The memories I had stored, I could not let fester. Could not let trauma infiltrate and spread, to spoil and render them useless. They were moments to be tended.

— Crying in H Mart by Michelle Zauner

Naalala ko dito yung isa ring sobrang gandang quote sa Wanda Vision about grief:

What is grief, if not love persevering?

— Vision | WandaVision

Ughh 🥺 Eto na siguro ang pinaka comforting words na masasabi sa isang tao dealing with grief. Kaso nung shinare ko ‘to kay Kenneth ang sabi nya, “Di ko gets.” Pasira 😆

Pero para sa mga nakagets (hindi lang din talaga magaling si Kenneth sa words hehe), diba ang ganda. Kasi nga when we grieve, ibig sabihin lang non hindi pa rin nawawala yung love natin dun sa taong nawala. At ayaw nating mag-fade yung love na yun kahit wala na sila sa mundo.

I love you Daddy ❤️

Meron akong friend na nawalan ng kapatid. Tapos naasar sya dun sa isang taong nagsabi sa kanya na, “Lilipas din yan.” Para nya na ring sinabi na, “Malilimutan mo rin ang kapatid mo.”

Isip muna bago salita. Imbis na nagbibigay ka ng comfort nagpapasakit ka lang ng ulo.

May isa pang powerful thoughts about grief akong napulot kay Andrew Garfield nung nawala yung nanay nya. Eto yung excerpt:

This is all the unexpressed love, the grief that will remain with us until we pass because we never get enough time with each other, no matter if someone lives till 60, 15, or 99. So I hope this grief stays with me.

— Andrew Garfield

Ganda. And with that:

RATING [4 🌟]

Di ko maalala bakit nag-drop ako ng isang star. But I will respect yung rating na binigay ko dati.

Merong required listening after basahin ‘tong book na ‘to. Yung In Heaven ng Japanese Breakfast. Yun pala yung hindi ko nabanggit. Lead vocalist sya ng isang band (sa mga nakabasa na for sure alam nyo na ‘to). Sinulat nya yung song na ‘to para sa nanay nya. Ang ganda nung sinabi nung isang book club member about sa song na ‘to (Hello Justin). Sabi nya, it’s the book in the form of a song. Super agree.

Click to view my digital bookshelf.