Tag: thursday letter

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Thursday Letter #9 | Expectation vs Reality

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Pag meron akong mga kaibigan na nawalan ng mahal sa buhay, I will say my condolences, sincerely let them know that I’m just here, then give them space. Aantayin ko na lang silang mag-message ulit pag ready na silang makipag-interact sa outside world. Pakiramdam ko kasi yun yung kailangan nila. Ayokong mangulit, ayokong maka-bother, feeling ko pag chinat ko sila ng “Kamusta?” baka mainis lang sila at sabihin nila na, “Ano sa tingin mo?” Pero ngayon na nagkaron ako ng isang major loss sa pagkawala ng lola ko, in my case, mas na-aappreciate ko pala yung kinakamusta ako. Hindi ko pala kelangan ng madaming space. Kasi pag nagsolo lang ako with my grief, ang hirap nyang dalhin mag-isa.

On comforting someone experiencing grief:

I hope we can talk about the truth of the loss, not distract them from that. Because that is what’s going to help them.

The excuse of, “I don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable” but you’re actually making them feel uncomfortable by not speaking about what’s there in plain sight. Don’t be afraid to go to hard places.

— Lori Gottlieb | How to Deal with Difficult Emotions During Tough Times to Support Your Family and Friends Effectively, On Purpose podcast

Nagawa ko ‘to nung nawalan ng kapatid yung kaibigan ko. Siguro dahil sobrang close din namin kaya hindi mahirap sakin to “go to hard places” with her. Kahit few months after, or even years after she lost her younger brother, napaguusapan pa rin namin minsan yung pain at sadness nya. At ngayon na nawalan naman ako ng lola, ganun din sya sakin. Sabi ko sa kanya, kahit ang tagal ko nang pinaghahandaan ‘to at alam ko namang matanda na rin ang Mommy, never pa rin akong naging ready nung nangyari na. At yung pinakamasakit, hindi mo makokontrol yung way ng pagkawala nila. Kahit gano mo pa i-wish na sana hindi sila mahirapan, it’s really out of our hands. Na-comfort ako dun sa sinabi nyang, “Kahit alam naman natin na hiram lang ang buhay, ang hirap-hirap pa rin talaga.” Walang paghahanda ang sapat pag realidad na ang kaharap natin.

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Life Secrets

(Late) Thursday Letter #8 | Mommy

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Bilis ng mga pangyayari. Shocked pa ko na nasa Pilipinas ako ngayon. Parang may mali. Kasi hindi pa naman talaga ako dapat uuwi. Sa July pa ang grand family reunion namin. Kaso may mga bagay talaga na hindi maiiwasan. Ilang taon ko na rin ‘tong pinaghahandaan kasi matanda na rin ang Mommy (lola ko, nanay ng Mama). May mga times na bigla na lang papasok sa isip ko, pano kung magkasakit ang Mommy ng malala? Dapat ready akong umuwi habang medyo okay pa sya, at kaya ko pa syang alagaan bago sya kunin ng universe. Ayokong uuwi lang ako kung kelan huli na. And with her current health status, kelangan ko na talagang umuwi.

Mommy is not just my lola, second nanay ko talaga sya. Sobrang spoiled naming magkakapatid sa kanya, lalo na nung kami-kami pa lang ang mga apo nila. Kaming dalwa ng Kuya ang kanilang unang apos ng Daddy. Unang apong lalake, unang apong babae. Strict sya at medyo mataray, pero sobrang maalaga at mapagbigay. Punong puno ang childhood memories ko with Mommy. Lagi nya kong kabuntot. Sorry muna sa Mama, pero mas ramdam ko yung presence nya nung bata pa ko. Yung pag inaayusan nya ko ng buhok, yung mga times na sya ang nagpapaligo sakin (which I hate kasi sobra syang magkuskos ng buhok ko), sya rin ang punong abala sa pagpapatahi ng damit ko pag may activity sa school, extra baon, pag-enroll sa piano classes, pagkuha ng Math tutor, sobrang involved nya sa lahat ng aspeto ng buhay ko. Since medyo bata ang Mama nung nabuntis sya samin, nado-dominate ng Mommy noon yung pagpapalaki samin. Kaya pag sinabi kong ang Mommy ang pangalwang ina namin, I say it in the most literal sense.

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Life Secrets

Thursday Letter #7 | Aging and Vanity

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Ahoy,

As an aging woman, ang bilis kong mabudol pag nakakakita ako ng mga skincare product reviews. I am not blessed with great skin, so I do what I can to improve, or at least maintain my current skin situation. To be honest, sa lahat ng ginamit kong serums and moisturizers, wala naman akong nakitang drastic change na nangyari. I think skincare barely does anything at all (despite that, I’ll still share the new stuff I got later). I think it probably just delays the inevitable. At this point, I keep up with my routine not because I expect miracles, but because I worry that if I stop, it will just accelerate the inescapable process of skin aging.

Skincare while watching the remaining chicks (RIP chick #1 😢)

As far as vanity goes, I won’t really try hard or spend so much money on procedures just to look like I’m still in my 30’s. I’ve also read about the harmful effects of botox, so I’m not trying that either. I only have one goal when it comes to aging: I just don’t want to look older than my husband.

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Family Insights Secrets

Thursday Letter #6 | Pain vs Suffering

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(a low energy) Hello,

Nung nakita ko yung suka ni Walnut na may pink and light yellow green material, tumingin ako dun sa bulaklak na bigay ni Kenneth nung Valentine’s Day at nakita kong may punit yung isang petal nung lily. Dun ko lang naisip i-search kung toxic ba ang lilies sa mga pusa.

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Life Secrets

Thursday Letter #5 | TikTok and Sunsets

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Hellooo. I’m out of sorts lately. Siguro dahil hindi ako naaarawan. O dahil magkakaron na ko. I talked about kung gano ako ka-inlove dito sa bagong bahay namin. Pero kung meron akong isang hindi gusto, yun ay yung position nya. Kasi hindi ako nakakakita ng sunset at sunrise, unlike sa lumang apartment namin na sagana akong makakita ng orange sky. Kaya siguro nung lumabas kami nung isang araw at nakakita ako ng sunset, muntik na kong maiyak sa tuwa.

🥹

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Thursday Letter #4 | The Mountains Called

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These past few days have been uncomfortable. I can’t wait to move into our permanent home. The cats are obviously uncomfortable too. I feel their uneasiness. We’re currently staying at an Airbnb which is a basement unit, so they don’t get to see any sunlight and can’t do their usual people and car watching from the windows. I feel bad. Don’t worry kitties. One more day! Although the first few days in the new place are guaranteed to be chaos with all the home organization and setup we need to do. All this moving really messed up with my system, and this dingy basement with all the artificial lights isn’t helping perk up my mood. I sure hope this will all be worth it.

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Life Secrets

Thursday Letter #3 | Overdrive

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Hello! Huhu I don’t even know where to start. My mind is racing in every direction because so much has happened over the past few days. I already talked about the chaos of moving and how it was sooo stressful. So stressful that my period came a few days early. It messed up with my hormones and it’s another sign that I have to slow down.

Almond reminding me to relax 🤍

I’ve also been very reflective about friendships lately. This isn’t exactly new, but I think it’s the first time I’ve talked about it extensively in a blog post. I guess it’s just hard to admit that I do feel alone at times. Emphasis to the word ‘feel’ because I know I’m not really alone. Also, spending a few days in New York with my good friend Nick just reminded me of what I was missing. All my closest friends are in different parts of the world, and I still find it hard to reconcile with this reality. We keep in touch regularly but it’s just not the same.

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New York Secrets Travel USA

Thursday Letter #2 | Hello USA!

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Secrets

Thursday Letter #1 | I’m Doing This!

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Hello and welcome!!

It took a lot of back and forth to start this members-only series, because if I’m going to be honest, I cannot think of a single person who will pay for the stuff I’m going to share. BUT, I guess I’mma have to tryyy. There are a couple of reasons why I wanted to start this:

Why?

  1. Let’s be honest, I wouldn’t mind making a few bucks doing what I enjoy (I can’t believe I’m documenting my life on the interwebs for 17 years now) And at the very least, it would help cover the costs of maintaining this website (I did the math, and three consistent, kind-hearted, hot, and cutesy subscribers would make up for it 😄)

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