Category: Insights

Categories
Insights Life

Wala sa Plano

Nagkaron nanaman ako ng time magmumi muni since solo nanaman ako dito sa apartment. Narealize ko lang kung gano ako kakuntento ngayong moment na ‘to. Oo marami pa kong mga bagay na gustong gawin pero tanggap ko na hindi pa sya abot ng kamay ko ngayon (tulad ng paguwi sa Pilipinas para makasama ko na ang pamilya ko). Tanggap kong sa future pa sya mangyayari. Kaya tuloy ngayon, ang gaan ng pakiramdam ko.

Thank you Mama at Papa dahil pina-experience nyo sakin ang buhay. Kahit alam kong hindi ako planado, salamat dahil hindi kayo marunong mag-family planning, nabuhay tuloy ako.

Oo madami ring hindi magagandang nangyari sakin. Pero mas madami pa din yung masasaya at makabuluhan. At feeling ko yung mga pangit na nangyari, yun din yung nagbibigay ng extra saya sa mga moment na masasaya. Parang sa ibang tao kung ire-rate nila yung isang masayang bagay na 6 out of 10, sakin 9.

Kaya talagang kailangan ko palang alagaan ang sarili ko. Yun lang yung pwede kong maisukli sa mga magulang ko. Alagaan yung buhay na binigay nila sakin. Kailangan kong hindi lang pahabain yung buhay ko, kundi siguraduhin din na makabuluhan sa abot ng aking makakaya. At dahil dyan, maliligo na ako.

PS:

Happy anniversary Mama at Papa!!❤️

Categories
Calm Insights Life

Gigil

Just now ginoogle (nag-struggle ako pano i-spell), ni-Google? Ginugel. Basta nag-search ako sa Google ng, “how to be less tense” dahil nga pansin ko, parang lagi akong gigil. Gigil ako maligo, mag-toothbrush, mag-luto. Yun bang feeling ko nauubusan ako ng oras so kelangan kong magmadali kahit hindi naman. Hindi ko alam bakit yung mga ordinary activities like maghugas ng pinggan, magtiklop ng kumot, parang nastress ako. Basta yun yung feeling ko. Na kelangan kong magmadali. Na hinahabol ko yung oras. Kahit alam ko naman na wala naman akong hinahabol, hindi ko kelangan magmadali. Hindi ko maintindihan.

So based sa Google, expected ko na yung mga usual advice na meditate, breathing exercises, na hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin nakikita yung benefit kahit na-try ko na sya ilang beses. Siguro dahil hindi ako consistent. Pero yung isang advice ay: mag journal. Kaya nandito ako ngayon. Kasi ito yung tried and tested method na gagaan yung pakiramdam ko once magsulat ako dito.

Hindi ko lang maintindihan bakit may ganun akong tendency and almost everyday sya. Parang everyday nga talaga. Pero recently mas nagiging aware na ko so sinasadya kong bagalan yung galaw ko pero yung utak ko sinasabi pa rin na, “Bilis bilis!” So hinahayaan ko lang sya basta sinasadya ko pa ring bagalan yung paggalaw. Pero hindi pa rin sya nakakatulong kasi ang gusto kong mawala is yung pagiisip kong magmabilis. Kelangan kong rumelaks.

*after some more googling*

Isa daw reason is perfectionism. Which I can agree. Siguro may tendency yung utak ko na isipin na, “Today should be a productive day. Today should be a perfect day.” Parang totoo nga. Whether I think about it consciously or subconsciously, mukang ganun nga yung nangyayari.

Not only is this pursuit fruitless – “perfect” simply doesn’t exist – but it’s also exhausting. 

When we’re living in permanent “chaser” mode, hankering after what comes next – we miss the moment. We’re going to find ourselves struggling to find contentment with what’s happening right now.

https://myonlinetherapy.com/why-am-i-so-tense-all-the-time/

May tina-try akong i-apply na mantra before (actually hanggang ngayon naman) dahil hindi naman ito yung first time na na-notice ko ‘to sa sarili ko. Yung mantra is: Slow, intentional living. Nahihirapan lang akong i-apply dahil nga hindi ko pa rin maiwasan makaalis sa “chaser mode”. I think the only thing to do is, try better next time. Try lang ng try. Parang yun lang talaga ang magagawa ko.

What’s more, it reaps havoc on our physical health. Chronic tension pushes our body into an almost constant state of “fight-or-flight” with heavy consequences (headaches, digestive issues, high blood pressure etc).

https://myonlinetherapy.com/why-am-i-so-tense-all-the-time/

I bet it also causes chronic low grade inflammation—which I’m trying to avoid. Lastly from this article:

Perfectionism has been passed down by the generations before you – but it’s not your weight to carry. Shifting the focus to getting your deeper needs met – rather than the superficial ones – is going to help you gradually restructure your life in a way that allows space for fun, love and connection, bringing with it more lasting fulfilment.

https://myonlinetherapy.com/why-am-i-so-tense-all-the-time/

Ugh gusto ko yung “Perfectionism is not your weight to carry.” at “getting your deeper needs met”. Ganda. So yun. Sinasabi ko na nga ba pagsusulat lang ang sagot (and Google). See? I feel so much better. Self therapy is the best. I guess yun nga. Just try to be better. And again, self compassion if I screw up. Be patient with myself. Thanks self!

Categories
Books Insights Ramblings

Letting Go of My Reading Goal

Lately, nawawalan na ko ng time and energy magbasa. And nafi-feel bad ako about it until narealize ko na hindi naman dapat. Initially, I felt bad dahil baka hindi ko ma-reach yung goal ko na 50 books this year. Napatigil ako bigla and napaisip. Sa mga bago at interesting information na natutunan ko from reading this past few months, ilang percent yung na-retain sakin? Parang ang konti lang. Hindi kaya sa sobrang dami kong nabasa, na-jumble na masyado yung utak ko which resulted to less retention? Hindi ba mas maganda kung I read less books pero mas madami akong naaalala?

At yung isa pa, I already read 27 books this year and I have to remind myself that it’s nothing to scoff at. For a lot of people, it’s already an achievement. So parang ang useless nung pagka feel bad ko. But I would still like to be able to read more than I usually do. Pero siguro less pressure from myself na lang.

I’m currently reading The Healing Self (my non-fiction pick) and Tokyo Ever After (our book club book of the month). So far nag-eenjoy ako pareho sa kanila and malapit ko na matapos yung The Healing Self. I chose this book dahil baka makatulong sa chronic condition ko. I’m taking meds pero gusto kong samahan ng ibang approach para holistic yung pag-improve ko.

Konti na lang

Ayun. Kelangan ko nang mag-exercise para makaligo na ko para makakain na ko para makapag farm na ko ng SLP. Good morning!

Categories
Books Humor Insights Mystery

Anxious People by Fredrik Backman | Book Review

READ THIS IF…

  • You don’t want to miss out on a really really amazing, brilliant story
  • Kung gusto mong magkaron ng madaming feelings (mostly matawa)

QUICK AND TAMAD SUMMARY

A bank robber has taken hostage a group of strangers. Bank robber sya pero sa apartment viewing naganap yung hostage situation. From an outsider point of view, kakabahan ka kasi baka kung anong mangyari, but what happens inside that apartment is something else.

Funny and heartfelt. Memorable and quirky characters.

Our April BOTM

Akala ko, Big Magic na ang top book ko for 2021. Pero after ko ‘to basahin, wala na. Sobrang nalito na ko. Sobrang ganda!!! Book of the month namin ‘tong Anxious People and ang dami rin nila na na-inlove sa story, sa writing, sa cleverness, sa characters at kung ano pa mang namiss ko. Ang galing talaga.

Continue reading “Anxious People by Fredrik Backman | Book Review”
Categories
Insights Life Ramblings

What You Really Want

As much as ayokong i-label ang sarili ko na procrastinator kasi hindi sya nakakatulong, madalas talaga ganun ang nangyayari. Or gagawin ko yung isang bagay ng full force for the first 3 days up to a week tapos biglang bababa yung enthusiasm. Alam ko na we have it in us to edit these traits (referencing Atomic Habits) and it’s up to us if we will continue to be like this or have enough willpower to change.

Kaya naman natutuwa ako dito sa binabasa ko ngayon. The title is The Willpower Instinct. Ang dami kong natutunan on how the human mind works in terms of giving in to temptations and gaining self control.

Walnut while I’m writing this blog post

May isang pinaka tumatak sakin which is to utilize our ability to remember what we really want. I always find myself craving sweets. All day everyday. Pero try to question daw if it’s what I really want. Gusto ko ba talaga ng ice cream ngayon or mas gusto kong mag-lose ng weight? Gusto ko ba talagang magspend ng time sa social media or matapos yung librong binabasa ko para mareach ko yung reading goal ko this year?

So siguro try to see the bigger picture and ask myself kung ano ba talaga yung gusto ko. Cookies or abs? 😅 Kasi kung ganun yung line of questioning, nagiging unappealing na yung mga temptations and short term wants. So isa siguro ‘tong magandang tool na gamitin pag naliligaw ako ng landas papunta sa ice cream at cookies at chichirya at kung ano ano pang tukso.

Categories
Books Classic Horror Insights

The Picture of Dorian Gray | Book Review

READ THIS IF…

  • You’re curious why this became a famous classic
  • You’re interested in themes revolving around beauty vs morality
  • You want to read about a despicable lead character

QUICK AND TAMAD SUMMARY

Yung libro ay patungkol sa isang napaka-poging bachelor (si Dorian) na sobrang na-obsess sa kagwapuhan nya. Pumapasok din sa horror genre yung book kasi meron syang painting ng muka nya tapos imbis na sya yung tumatanda, yung painting yung nagiging matanda at pumapangit while he remains youthful and pogi.

Continue reading “The Picture of Dorian Gray | Book Review”
Categories
Books Insights Non-Fiction

Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman | Book Report

READ THIS IF…

  • Curious ka kung bakit sikat ‘tong book na ‘to sa mga productivity gurus sa YouTube
  • You appreciate endless explanations detailing countless studies and experiments from decades of research by a Nobel Prize winner author

Sa personal reading journey ko, yung non-fiction book na pinaka nag-cause ng mental strain sakin ay yung book ni Neil Postman na Amusing Ourselves to Death. Pero grabe ‘tong book na ‘to. Sobrang dense. Hindi ko kinakaya. Ang daming studies, experiments, statistics at word problems. Grabe talaga.

Nevertheless, eto yung mga natutunan ko sa librong ‘to:

Continue reading “Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman | Book Report”
Categories
Books Insights Personal Development

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey | Book Report [Habit #1]

THE 7 HABITS

  1. Be proactive
  2. Begin with the end in mind (soon)
  3. Put first things first (soon)
  4. Think win-win (soon)
  5. Seek first to understand, then be understood (soon)
  6. Synergize (soon)
  7. Sharpen the saw (soon)

There’s no shortcut in self improvement. Most of the time we do things just because we know it’s the right thing to do or because we think that it’s the appropriate response (like saying sorry just to shut someone up). Hindi bukal sa loob kumbaga. Naalala ko tuloy yung isang tao na kilala ko na mukang religious pero may mga ginagawa syang mga bagay na hindi naaayon sa mga pinagsasabi nya. Sabi dito sa book, you can get by and make people believe that you are a good person; but sooner or later, what’s really inside you will eventually present itself.

Our level of development is fairly obvious with tennis or piano playing, where it is impossible to pretend. But it is not so obvious in the areas of character and emotional development. We can “pose” and “put on” for a stranger or an associate. We can pretend. And for a while we can get by with it—at least in public. We might even deceive ourselves. Yet I believe that most of us know the truth of what we really are inside; and I think many of those we live with and work with do as well.

Continue reading “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey | Book Report [Habit #1]”
Categories
Books Insights Memoir Non-Fiction

Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert | Book Review

READ THIS IF…

  • You feel like you’re the only person who haven’t read it and you’re curious
  • You want to read about a woman who travelled across Italy, India and Indonesia to eat, pray and love 😅
  • You want to read about a person who you may fall in love with or totally hate (or both, like me)

Already convinced? Click to buy on Amazon.

During the course of reading the book, I think I experienced equal parts of annoyance and admiration. There were a lot of comments about her being self-absorbed (and a ton other hateful adjectives) but in her defense, she didn’t travel the world to become a philanthropist (although did everyone forget about the fundraising she did?)

I think there’s nothing wrong with dedicating an entire year just for yourself if you’ve been through something that you feel is extremely painful. And whether people understand it or not (I know I didn’t), it’s none of their business.

Continue reading “Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert | Book Review”
Categories
Insights Life

Selfish?

Naalala ko nung college tapos nagdi-discuss yung CI (clinical instructor) namin (si Ms. U) about procreation. Na isa daw yun sa mga purpose natin kung bakit tayo nandito sa mundo. Tumaas ako ng kamay para itanong, “What if I choose not to participate in procreation?” Ang sagot nya (with kasamang gigil), “Then you’re selfish.” Tumatak yun sakin at naniwala ako sa kanya. Pero hindi pa rin masyadong nagbago yung pananaw ko sa pagkakaron ng anak. Tinanggap ko na lang na baka nga selfish nga ako.

Pero ngayon naisip ko, parang selfish din kung mag-baby ako. Kasi personally, eto yung mga reasons bakit minsan napapaisip akong mag-baby:

  • Pag tumanda kami parang ang lungkot, wala kaming kasama (This is selfish, it’s not their job to ease our existential worries)
  • Walang magaalaga samin pag nagkasakit kami (Self-serving. Again, it’s not their job.)
  • Sayang naman kasi baka maipasa ko yung artistic genes ko sa kanya at yung pagkagaling sa Math ni Kenneth (Self-serving)
  • Curious ako sa magiging itsura nya (Self-serving)
  • Baka pagsisihan namin (Fear based. Self-serving.)

Siguro magbabago yung isip namin kung wala na ‘tong mga ‘to. Thankful din ako kasi on the same page kami ni Kenneth. Pero hindi pa naman sarado yung isip namin. Ayoko lang syang gawin for the wrong reasons or dahil lang sa social pressures.

Nakagawa na ko ng post about dito pero napaisip nanaman ako kasi may nag-trigger. May chismosang tita nanaman na nagbigay ng unsolicited advice. Na minsan kelangan kong isulat para ma-process ko ng maayos. I-block ko na lang sya pag nag-message ulit haha.