The Cup

Reading my anxious-filled journal entries back in January is making me anxious today. At the same time, I can’t help but belittle these old feelings. I find myself judging my past self, at kung bakit ko ba kinaka-bother yung mga bagay na yun dati. I feel arrogant, which in turn leads to fear. Kasi what if bumalik ulit ako dun? After my PH vacation, I’m in a better headspace now, and I want to preserve this current state. I am more confident, not easily triggered, and more at peace.

Deep down I know, that this is not sustainable. Ang tapang ko ngayon but sooner or later, this magical shield that I gained from my vacation will wear off. Right now, my cup is full, and I have this capacity to not let the small things get to me and bother me. I feel protected. Pero hanggang kelan?

I guess this is life. I guess I just have to find a way to replenish my cup again and again after it spills. One of the major things that caused my anxiety then was the uncertainty of being able to bring my beloved cat, Almond, here with me in Canada. And while writing this, she’s right here in front of me. A living proof that I did it. It’s already been a week and I still can’t believe that she’s here with us.

Almond is a great reminder that good things will happen, and that I can accomplish things. Just looking at her adds something extra to my cup 🤍