Goodness Gracious

I wanted to share an article I read about being a good person. The author—drawing from social media standards and contemporary novels—humorously summed it up this way:

First and foremost, a good person possesses a deep understanding of power structures and her relative place in them. She has a sense of humor that never “punches down.” She doesn’t subtweet, buy stuff on Amazon, or fly on too many planes. She has children in order to fend off narcissism—a bad quality—and develop a stake in the future of planet Earth, but she would never presume to judge another woman’s choice. And though she occasionally makes mistakes—cheats on her boyfriend, offends her friends after drinking too much, doesn’t call her mom very often—she admits them. A good person is not perfect (she has read enough not to fall for that trap), but she is self-aware.

Lauren Oyler — For Goodness’ Sake

This kind of reminded me of Gloria’s (America Ferrera’s character) monologue in Barbie:

It is literally impossible to be a woman. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we’re always doing it wrong.

You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because that’s crass. You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas. You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman, but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining. You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood. But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line.

It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don’t even know.

Gloria — Barbie movie

It’s clear. The reason why it’s too hard is because it’s just impossible. This obsession with moral self-examination is so exhausting and—as alluded to in the article above—leads to a form of ‘performative goodness’.

I must say that I concur with the author when she mentioned:

It would make sense to give up on being essentially good and focus on being occasionally so.

Lauren Oyler — For Goodness’ Sake

Amen—“and A-women, am I right?” (chuckling as I recall Ingrid saying this in the TV show Upload).

Just being good every so often is easier, attainable, more realistic. Let’s just… relax a bit.