This Place Feels Just Right

Malapit na kaming mag-isang taon dito sa Calgary, at ang recurring theme pa rin ng conversations namin ni Kenneth ay: “Ang saya at thankful ko na nandito na tayo ngayon.” Hindi pa rin kami maka-move on. The locals may not fully relate, pero sobra sobra ang appreciation namin sa lugar na ‘to. Lalo na si Kenneth. Sya yung mas paulit-ulit about finally being here.

Interestingly, wala naman talaga sa wish list namin na makalipat ng Calgary. We really thought forever na kami sa Winnipeg (we lived there for 6 years). At kung sumagi man sa isip ko ang paglipat, sa Vancouver ko naiisip. Pero since hindi namin kaya ang cost of living sa BC in general, I just file that thought under my daydreams category. Until one day, bigla na lang kaming naging in-sync ni Kenneth at nagtuloy-tuloy na ang proseso ng paglipat namin dito.

Note: Eventually nakapasyal din kami sa BC, at Calgary pa rin talaga ang #1 for us. Oo maganda, pero ang mahal talaga!

Totoo pala. Meron pala talagang lugar na mararamdaman mong “This is where I belong.” (naks) To think na wala kaming pamilya dito at hindi pa gaanong ka-hinog ang mga friendships namin, pero ganito na kasaya yung nafi-feel namin? What more kung mag-exist pa yung mga yun? Eh di lalo na. Baka kulang na lang maiyak na kami sa tuwa.

Last month, bumisita kami sa Winnipeg ng Mama. Sobrang saya nung 3-day stay namin dun. Nabitin pa nga ako. I enjoyed my time with my uncle’s family there, I had brunch with friends, I even enjoyed strolling around The Forks once again. Sobrang na-miss ko rin yung food! UGH. Pero nung nasa sasakyan na kami at nakasilip lang ako sa bintana, watching the familiar buildings pass by, pumasok yung thought na, “What if dito ulit kami tumira?” Immediately, ni-reject agad ng katawan ko. Ang depressing nung thought.

Apologies if my unfiltered thoughts offend some Winnepegers. I don’t mean to be harsh. If my words feel jarring, it’s only because they come from my own perspective. We all just feel at home differently, and sometimes a city that fills one heart doesn’t do the same for another. My hope is simply to share my own story, not to diminish anyone else’s experience.

And I guess when you truly love the place you’re in, no comment can really shake that. We all have that one place that makes sense for us, and this city, just happens to be ours.

Nababasa ko lang dati sa mga libro o napapanood sa TV yung mga dialogue na, “I want to leave this place and see what else is out there!” Haha basta parang ganun. Sa isip ko, baka masyado lang nilang niro-romanticize yung paglipat sa ibang city. Same with kung pano ko ni-romanticize noon ang pagta-trabaho sa Maynila (as a probinsyana). At same with Avril Lavigne sa kanta nyang My World:

Grew up in a five thousand population town…
All in a small town, Napanee

You know I always stay up without sleepin’
And think to myself
Where do I belong forever?
In whose arms, the time and place?

Also with Breakaway (na recently ko lang nalaman na si Avril din pala ang nagsulat at binigay nya lang yung song kay Kelly Clarkson):

Grew up in a small town
And when the snow would fall down
I’d just stare out my window
Dreamin’ of what could be
And if I end up happy…

Wanted to belong here
But something felt so wrong here
So I’d pray
I could break away

Meron ding mga nagdi-discourage na wag daw umalis. Kasi kahit san ka raw pumunta, you’ll only encounter the same problems, just in a different place. But I disagree. If you’re anything like me, I think where you are matters. I’d rather encounter the same problems in a place where it could soothe me just by how beautiful it is. I think the wrong place can make problems feel heavier, maybe even worsen it.

I don’t mean to pressure anyone, but my hope is to peel back some of the layers of doubt for those already thinking about making a change. Take this as a sign. It will be overwhelming. Packing boxes will be daunting. But at least in the end, you won’t be living in the questions anymore. Whether it turns out to be worth it or not, you’ll have one question finally answered.