The Child-Free Life

Minsan, I feel defensive sa desisyon naming hindi magkaanak. At yung minsan na yun ay ngayon. I think it’s due to some recent events, kasi ever present pa rin yung mga shocked reactions ng mga tao pag nalaman nilang wala kaming anak at wala kaming planong magkaanak. Siguro pag hindi ko na na-witness yung mga ganung comments and reactions, saka lang ako titigil magsalita tungkol dito. Since marami nang spokesperson ang mga parents, gusto ko naman maging spokesperson sa mga couples na nag-decide hindi maging parents, o kahit dun sa mga nagdadalwang isip.

One time habang nasa bakasyon kami, nakita ko yung meme na ‘to at naka-relate at natawa ako, so ni-repost ko.

Pero the moment na ni-repost ko, bigla akong na-conscious. Naisip ko, “Hala, baka offensive sya sa mga friends kong parents. Okay lang kaya yun?” Tapos naisip ko, my momshie friends post their babies all the time. They are proud to say, despite the hardships, how wonderful and fulfilling parenthood is. So hindi rin siguro masamang i-express, despite the judgment and criticisms, kung gano rin ka-wonderful yung kabilang side? Kaya with an anxious heart, I let it exist on my IG stories for 24 hours.

Minsan malungkot sa side na ‘to. The reason is obvious, it’s because we’re outnumbered. Hindi ko na basta-basta pwedeng yayain yung mga kaibigan kong parents na, “Tara punta tayo sa <insert country of choice here—most probably Japan>!” o kaya yung mga times na gusto ko ng one-on-one moments with them (eto talaga yung nami-miss ko), hindi na ganun kadali. Pero iniisip ko na lang, lalaki rin ang mga babies nila at magiging independent in the future. And when that moment comes, we’ll meet each other again. I don’t mean literal na ‘meet each other’ kasi pwede pa rin naman kaming magkita. Ibig kong sabihin, may possibility ulit na bumalik sa katulad ng dati—or a similar version of it. I will be patiently waiting. For now, aabalahin ko rin muna ang sarili ko sa mga kung ano-ano.

I think I just want people to understand that one is not better than the other. Pareho lang may pros and cons. I appreciated it when one of my closest momshie friends reacted to that IG story and laughed. She gets it. And it helped with whatever mixed emotions I was feeling. She has the sense of humor to not take it personally, and I’m super grateful to have a friend like her. I can’t wait to visit her in the UK and finally meet my inaanak 🤍

Another bright side is, wala na kong naririnig na, “Wala pa kayong anak?” comments from our family for some time. Wow, I’m so proud. I am almost 100% sure na yung main reason ay: naumay na sila. Haha. Pero sana may konting percentage rin na understanding and respect sa choice namin. On the other hand, naumay na rin ako sa mga tao. Nung may nagtanong sakin, “Bakit wala ka pang anak??” Kung dati polite pa ko at mas iniisip ko yung feelings nung nagtatanong, ngayon diretso na kong sumagot ng, “Ayaw namin.” or “Wala sa plano.” I let my answer shock and disturb the person and leave it at that. I’ve come to learn that it’s not my responsibility to soothe their feelings.

Meron din namang mga tao na sincere. Yung ramdam mong hindi talaga nila gets na merong mga taong ayaw magkaanak, pero nice and thoughtful sila sa pagtatanong. I also get them. At sa mga tulad nila, I am more patient and more open to share why. I super appreciate their curiosity. And I am touched that they want to understand me and not just dismiss or overlook the fact.

I hope this brings a sense of comfort to couples like us, and some clarity to others. Pag meron ulit akong narinig na unpleasant comments, I will be back with more chika and reflections. *insert dramatic orchestral background music for this last sentence* As a dutiful self-appointed spokesperson for the voluntarily child-free, it is my responsibility to represent our community with grace, and carry on the noble fight against careless judgment and unsolicited advice.