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Pag meron akong mga kaibigan na nawalan ng mahal sa buhay, I will say my condolences, sincerely let them know that I’m just here, then give them space. Aantayin ko na lang silang mag-message ulit pag ready na silang makipag-interact sa outside world. Pakiramdam ko kasi yun yung kailangan nila. Ayokong mangulit, ayokong maka-bother, feeling ko pag chinat ko sila ng “Kamusta?” baka mainis lang sila at sabihin nila na, “Ano sa tingin mo?” Pero ngayon na nagkaron ako ng isang major loss sa pagkawala ng lola ko, in my case, mas na-aappreciate ko pala yung kinakamusta ako. Hindi ko pala kelangan ng madaming space. Kasi pag nagsolo lang ako with my grief, ang hirap nyang dalhin mag-isa.
On comforting someone experiencing grief:
— Lori Gottlieb | How to Deal with Difficult Emotions During Tough Times to Support Your Family and Friends Effectively, On Purpose podcast
I hope we can talk about the truth of the loss, not distract them from that. Because that is what’s going to help them.
The excuse of, “I don’t want to make them feel uncomfortable” but you’re actually making them feel uncomfortable by not speaking about what’s there in plain sight. Don’t be afraid to go to hard places.
Nagawa ko ‘to nung nawalan ng kapatid yung kaibigan ko. Siguro dahil sobrang close din namin kaya hindi mahirap sakin to “go to hard places” with her. Kahit few months after, or even years after she lost her younger brother, napaguusapan pa rin namin minsan yung pain at sadness nya. At ngayon na nawalan naman ako ng lola, ganun din sya sakin. Sabi ko sa kanya, kahit ang tagal ko nang pinaghahandaan ‘to at alam ko namang matanda na rin ang Mommy, never pa rin akong naging ready nung nangyari na. At yung pinakamasakit, hindi mo makokontrol yung way ng pagkawala nila. Kahit gano mo pa i-wish na sana hindi sila mahirapan, it’s really out of our hands. Na-comfort ako dun sa sinabi nyang, “Kahit alam naman natin na hiram lang ang buhay, ang hirap-hirap pa rin talaga.” Walang paghahanda ang sapat pag realidad na ang kaharap natin.
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Gleniz da Menace 